


Equestria Roleplay

by charcolor



Category: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Anxiety, Car Accidents, Chatting & Messaging, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, gen 2 may or may not exist but it's not very relevant, generations 3 and 4 don't exist in this universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2018-12-08 03:59:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 60,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11638482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charcolor/pseuds/charcolor
Summary: A group of fans of the '80s My Little Pony cartoon create a roleplaying blog online. As their pony characters interact, their relationships grow and strengthen.Based on an AU created by Tumblr user stevetwisp. I have his permission to write this fic.(a more specific guide on which tags apply to which stories can be found in the first author's note. any stories with potentially triggering content will have proper warnings.)





	1. Equestria Roleplay

**Author's Note:**

> This AU was created by stevetwisp. I have changed some small details (which you'll probably notice), but I've tried to mostly remain faithful to the original concept, which you can see here: 
> 
> https://stevetwisp.tumblr.com/post/158330316604/for-the-final-day-of-februpony-i-wanted-to-do
> 
> Here is the guide to tags for each story/chapter: http://charcolor.tumblr.com/eqrpinfo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiara Simmons decides to try starting a My Little Pony roleplay online, using her pony character Twilight Sparkle. To her surprise, she and her girlfriend find four other girls willing to participate.

The world was dark, yet so comforting. She could feel a soft surface wrapped around her, and the warmth of a light she couldn't see flooded over her. She slowly and gently inhaled the scent of fresh wind that brushed her face.

When she realized she was awake, Bea opened her eyes. She was facing the old electric fan sitting on the dresser, whirring its dust-lined blades and shivering slightly. The space beside her on the mattress was vacant, the blanket pushed on top of her. She sat up to turn to see the curtain of long, midnight blue hair hanging over the back of the desk chair. Upon hearing Bea's movement, its owner turned her head away from the bright laptop screen in front of her. The girl smiled. "Good morning."

"Good morning, Kiara," Bea replied, rubbing her eyelids with her knuckles. "What time is it?"

"It's almost nine o'clock." Kiara swung her long, dark legs over to the side of the chair. "I've been preparing the blog for about half an hour. I'm almost done."

"The blog? The My Little Pony one?"

Kiara nodded. "Right."

A few days earlier, during an evening date at a casual diner, Kiara had proposed the idea. "Remember when we used to roleplay online?" she had asked, pushing her black-rimmed rectangular glasses up her nose as she was looking at Bea.

Bea had nodded, quickly swallowing the bite of food in her mouth to respond. "Yeah, of course! And you made that cute forum for roleplaying as My Little Ponies!"

"Yeah. I still like that show, you know. And I miss roleplaying." Kiara had glanced away, a tinge of heat rising in her face. "This might sound dumb...but...I was thinking that we could make our own little Tumblr blog to do it again."

Immediately, Bea had clasped her hands together in eagerness. "That's not dumb! That sounds fun! We could make our own little pony characters!"

The next day, they'd shared their ideas for their characters. Kiara's pony was Twilight Sparkle, a magically talented unicorn who loved science and reading. Bea's pony was Pinkie Pie, a baker who loved to make friends and throw parties. 

"When I dyed my hair pink," she'd explained, "a lot of kids in school called me Pinkie. I think it's a fun name for a pony."

Their ponies looked a lot like themselves, except Twilight Sparkle didn't wear glasses. The skin colors were different too, of course. Kiara's skin was a sepia shade of brown, while Bea's was more of a light tawny color. Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie were lavender and pale pink, respectively.

Their characters were ready, and so was the blog, but there was still one concern.

"What if no one wants to join?" A familiar trace of self-doubt crept into Kiara's voice, and Bea instinctively jumped over to her. Since Kiara was so tall, and Bea was so short, they were nearly at eye level now that the former was sitting down. Bea bent over a bit to give her a soft peck on the cheek, careful not to nudge her glasses.

"It'll be fine," Bea said, pulling back. Kiara's eyes were the color of amethysts, and their beauty made it much easier to keep eye contact. "No one's good at talking to people like I am, Kiara!" She reached out a hand and combed her fingers through the pink and purple highlights that trailed down Kiara's wonderful hair, pulling the girl a bit closer. "You can relax. I'll take care of it. Did you eat breakfast?"

Kiara shook her head. "No. I need to take my medication too." As she stood, she bent over to kiss the top of Bea's head, her lips pressing down the soft, hot pink curls. "Thank you."

* * *

When Carrie was in kindergarten, her older sister had to babysit her after school. They lived with a single mother, who was out of the house all night. Luckily, Carrie's sister Janet had a lot of free time. She was still thirteen at the time, so she didn't have a job to go to.

Carrie had grown up watching old tapes of kids' cartoons from the 1980's. Since Janet was always with her, she ended up watching most of them too. She grew a fondness for My Little Pony, a cute show about colorful ponies that went about their daily lives and went on adventures. Even when she moved out after her mother remarried, she still found herself with a guilty pleasure. She devoted a lot of time to designing clothes, but sometimes at night she'd watch old episodes of My Little Pony in the dark.

When she was twenty, Janet had started a blog on Tumblr to share her designs, as well as to seek inspiration from other fashion bloggers. She also shared aesthetic photos, including My Little Pony pictures. Although it was a guilty pleasure, Janet didn't mind others knowing about it. Her willingness to share it led to the day she received a message from someone unfamiliar.

The blog's URL was "pinky-party-paradise." After checking the blog to assure it wasn't a spambot, Janet read the message:

_hi!! i noticed you like my little pony a lot!! my girlfriend and i are starting a my little pony roleplay blog and i decided to try to find more members, are you interested??_

Janet hesitated. She never imagined herself as the type of person to approach about this. Even so, Janet always tried to be openminded. Roleplaying was an entirely new concept, and it could be fun to try. She began to type a reply on her cell phone, her fingernails tapping against the screen with each letter.

_yes, i think i'd like to try that. what do you want me to do?_

She got a reply in seconds:

_oh great!!!! the blog is @equestriarp. you just make a character to roleplay as, or you can even use one from the show! and you'll need to give my girlfriend your email so she can invite you to be part of the blog, she's @wizardintraining! she's the one who made the blog so she'd probably be better at answering questions than me!_

Janet loved creation, so of course she would use this opportunity to design a pony character of her own. Now that she'd actually agreed to it, she was already excited.  _Maybe I could use it to live out my fantasies as a fashion designer,_ she jokingly thought to herself.

* * *

Veronica never had an easy life.

Her mother died giving birth to her youngest sister, and her father disappeared shortly after. Their grandmother was now old and frail, so Veronica's brother took care of her while she cooked for the family and raised her sister.

Veronica was only eight when her mother had died. When the family moved from the southern United States to Canada, Veronica had kept some tapes of cartoons that her mother had treasured, and she showed them to her sister as she grew. When Megan was about six, they watched the tape of Rescue at Midnight Castle, an animated TV special that began the My Little Pony cartoon.

"That girl's name's Megan too!" Megan smiled, showing the gap where she'd lost her first baby tooth. "It's me!"

Veronica held Megan close to her, nodding in agreement. Their father had named Megan, but he never told them why. Perhaps he knew that his wife liked these cartoons. After all, it was no secret. She'd told Veronica that she used to collect My Little Pony toys, so her father must have known too.

"It's you!" Megan was pointing at the screen, where Applejack appeared for the first time.

"My name ain't Applejack," Veronica told her.

"But her hair! She's got yellow hair!"

They did bear a resemblance. Veronica had blonde hair and green eyes. And when they lived in the States, Veronica loved to visit the apple orchard. She discovered later that Applejack didn't actually appear much in the cartoon. Maybe it was because of Megan's excitement that she felt disappointed.

Veronica ended up writing stories about Applejack to make up for it. She posted them online, too, on her blog where she mostly shared aesthetic photos and recipes. Eventually her silly stories were noticed, and someone sent her a message.

_hi!!!!! my name is bea! my girlfriend and i made a my little pony roleplaying blog, do you want to join?? i noticed you like writing cute pony stories and i think you'd be good at roleplaying!!!_

Veronica smiled to herself, reading the message on the dim computer screen. She'd always written those stories just for fun, and she never thought she was any good at it. It was a pleasant surprise to see that somebody actually enjoyed them. Not only that, but now she could do something similar with more people. It was very tempting. She pushed her fingers on the bumps of the old keyboard to type a reply.

_That sounds like fun. What do you want me to do?_

Soon, Bea sent her some simple instructions. Make or choose a pony, and send her email to the creator of the roleplay blog. Veronica's computer was old and clunky--it was amazing she could get Tumblr to function on such a thing--but she managed to type out a message and check her email for the invitation.

"Sis?" Veronica turned her head to see Megan peeking in the doorway, her big pink bow drooping with her tilted head. "When can I use the computer? Carol's here an' I wanna show her somethin'."

Veronica smiled warmly at her. She still had a tough time adjusting to her home even after a decade. But all that mattered to her was that her family was happy, and it was comforting to know Megan had made close friends. "Just a sec, sugar," she replied, turning her head back to the screen to log out of her account. Now that she had a place to put her writing to use, she could let out all that rural love inside her through Applejack. Hopefully Megan wouldn't be too upset if she started using the computer a bit more often.

* * *

In the outskirts of the city, there was a little patch of woodland. In there was a cottage where a shy, reserved young woman lived.

She usually only left her house to do errands or tend to her garden. Although the woods frightened her, she still made attempts to venture out to try to find animals to befriend. She always wished she could converse with the critters, just as most would converse with people. So she lived out her fantasies through a character.

Faria spent her nights inside watching old anime and cartoons. She became attached to My Little Pony and began drawing pictures of a pegasus named Fluttershy, a shy, kind pony who could communicate with animals. She posted the drawings on her online blog where she usually shared aesthetic photos.

She never really interacted with anyone on Tumblr, so she never expected to receive a message.

At first she ignored it, afraid to say the wrong thing in reply. But the message was so friendly and welcoming, and Faria hated to be rude. As she sat at her laptop sipping some lukewarm soup that evening, she reread the message.

_hi!!!!! i know you don't seem to talk much but i love your pony drawings!! my girlfriend and i made a my little pony roleplaying blog and i thought you might be interested in joining us!!! you can use fluttershy, or make a new character or use one from the cartoon!!!! do you want to??_

Although she wasn't exactly opposed to the idea, Faria was always afraid of anything social. Still, she had a childhood friend in the nearby city always telling her to take risks and enjoy life more. This didn't seem like too bad of a risk. Faria reached her thin, pale beige fingers out to carefully type a reply.

_i'm not sure how good i would be at roleplaying,, but i think i'd like to try! what do you want me to do?_

She received a reply soon after.

_wow!!!! that's fantastic!!! my girlfriend is @wizardintraining so send her ur email address so she can invite you to the blog which is @equestriarp!! and let her know what character or characters you wanna use!!!! thanks!!!!_

Faria did as instructed. It was surprisingly easy for her to send a message to her, check her email, and click the invite link. Usually, if she tried to interact with people online, she'd be sweating bullets and ultimately give up on the task. 

Of course, she probably wouldn't even be able to do something as simple as this if it wasn't for her childhood friend Iris.

Iris was the one who always stood up for her when she was bullied in their school years, and the one who always encouraged her to live life to the fullest. Sometimes, when Faria was feeling distressed, Iris would visit her and watch cartoons with her. Despite her tough, brash behavior, she had a soft spot for My Little Pony. Perhaps if Iris were to join the roleplay with her, she wouldn't feel nervous about it at all.

* * *

"A Discord server?" As Bea spoke, Kiara's head turned to listen. "Are you sure we need one? We only have six people so far."

Kiara leaned forward with a smile, pressing her hands onto her small knees. "Six is more than enough, for now at least. And hey, I don't need you, but I still wouldn't give you up for anything."

Bea smiled sheepishly, clearly flustered. Whenever Kiara flirted with her it was sudden, so she could never prepare to be flattered. That was fine, though. She liked unpredictability.

Kiara turned back to the computer screen. "Well, I've sent everyone an invite, so you should be able to join it now, too. I think this would be good if we wanted to share ideas for plotlines or...just get to know each other." She suddenly turned back to Bea, eyes widened. "That's not dumb, is it?"

Bea shook her head. "No, it's always fun to make new friends! Let's see if we can talk to them now!"

* * *

**gay witch:** uh, i've never. done this before

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** you've never used discord??

 **gay witch:** fghhkgvkf why is that your name

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** because i love you!!! so much!!!!!

 **gay witch:** i hope people come or else this will get awkward

 **flutter:** um,, are you kiara and bea?

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** yes!! i'm bea!!! are you the fluttershy girl??

 **flutter:** yes. my name is faria it's nice to meet you

 **ciderseason:** Hey y'all. Am I doin this right? I'm Veronica, my pony is Applejack.

 **gay witch:** i'm kiara and my pony is twilight sparkle. and bea's is pinkie pie. we're also dating. we're in the same room while typing all this. it's weird

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i don't think it's THAT weird!! you type with me in the room all the time!!

 **Rarity is my muse:** hello, my name is Janet and my pony is Rarity. i decided to put that in my Discord name so you wouldn't forget. i really don't know what else to use anyway.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** well, do you have a girlfriend by any chance?

 **Rarity is my muse:** no...not quite yet...

 **flutter:** um,,, my friend iris should come soon i think, i know she said she got the invitation

 **Big Buff Butch:** speak of the devil lmaooo

 **gay witch:** are you iris?

 **Big Buff Butch:** yeah my pony's rainbow dash if that's important

 **ciderseason:** Oh uh, just so you all know this house only has one computer so if I leave suddenly it's 'cause my sister wants it, probably.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** you can use discord on your phone!!

 **ciderseason:** Nah, my phone's just one of the old slide phones, we can't afford much better.

 **gay witch:** what??? if you can't afford a phone how do you pay your bills?

 **ciderseason:** It's fine. We're not homeless, we just don't need much luxury.

 **flutter:** do you have a job?

 **ciderseason:** I just live with my brother sister and granny. I take care of my sis and my brother takes care of granny, usually. That's all I have for a job right now.

 **Big Buff Butch:** isnt ur tumblr full of recipes n stuff, you could cook for a living

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** yeah!!!! i bake things to make money and we're doing fine!!

 **gay witch:** i think we're getting off topic

 **Big Buff Butch:** were you guys on topic before

 **gay witch:** oh uh. guess not. oops

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** you said you wanted to get to know each other and discuss plotlines, or something??? right???

 **gay witch:** yeah. our universe doesn't have to be exactly like the canon universe...we could make our own traditions and stuff

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** you should make a channel for world building!!!!!!

 **gay witch:** how do i do that?

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i'll show you!!!!!

 **Big Buff Butch:** how are u gonna show her????

 **flutter:** they're in the same room ^^''

 **Big Buff Butch:** oh yeah lol

 **gay witch:** okay, i made channels for world building, characters, plotlines, and rules.

 **ciderseason:** Already...?

 **gay witch:** it's really easy. i don't know why bea bothered coming over to show me.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** well it's good to be sure!!!!

 **gay witch:** anything else i should add?

 **Rarity is my muse:** i think that'll do for now.

 **ciderseason:** It's about time for me to whip up some supper. It was nice meeting you all, I hope I can talk to you later.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** goodbye!!!!!

 **flutter:** have a nice dinner ^^

 **Big Buff Butch:** so uh when do we start rping

 **gay witch:** i think we should have a plotline in place first. i'll think on it more. for now just do what you want.

 **Rarity is my muse:** alright. i hope things work out

 **flutter:** why wouldn't they,,?

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** yeah this will be fun!!!!! and kiara is really really creative and smart too!!!!!

 **gay witch:** oh...i'm not all that...

 **Big Buff Butch:** u seem p cool to me

 **Rarity is my muse: i** f you need any help don't be afraid to ask.

 **gay witch:** thank you...i think we should be having dinner soon too. i'll definitely come back later.

* * *

It was a miracle that all of the girls, despite being so different, had that common link.

Kiara found it hard to believe, too. From what Bea had told her and from what she found out later, they weren't alike at all. Of course, the two of them weren't either.

"This all kind of reminds me of how we met," Kiara told her, as they both lay awake at night, facing each other's gaze.

"Why?" Bea asked. "We met at a museum. That has nothing to do with roleplaying."

Kiara chuckled as she answered, "No, not when we met in person. When I met you online."

"Oh, that makes more sense." Bea's face was hard to see, but Kiara could still see the outline of her smile.

They both remembered it well. It was only a few years ago, when they were both still in high school. Kiara had managed to code an entire forum dedicated to My Little Pony, and Bea was one of the first ones to join. For some reason, Bea was especially drawn to her, and after a few years of growing close they met in person, so they could spend the week together.

Except Bea didn't want to leave. She confessed that she'd actually been planning to leave her home, and admitted she had a huge crush on Kiara. It was the first time Kiara had seen anyone blush so much while speaking to her.

"Why did you like me so much, anyway?" Kiara now asked in a whisper.

"It's kinda weird. I thought it was cool you made the forum all by yourself, so I thought by getting close to you I could...be part of the staff or something?" Bea pulled the blanket over her mouth. Even in the dark she seemed to be blushing. "But I guess that's a good thing, since then I started to like you a lot, and then I didn't care about that forum stuff."

Suddenly, Kiara let out a sharp gasp and a shout. "That's it!"

"What's what?" Bea pulled her face back out from under the blanket to watch Kiara as she bolted upward.

"A plotline! This whole concept is all about bonding and friendship, right?" Kiara glanced back at Bea, her smile gleaming a bit in the faint wisps of moonlight. "So, what if one of the characters had some kind of exclusive privilege, and everyone else wanted a part of it? And there could be a moral about...something." Kiara's shoulders relaxed from her sudden enthusiasm, and her voice lowered. "I guess you can't really predict how a roleplay plot would end."

"Maybe you should be the one with the privilege," Bea replied, still lying on her back. "Like, uh...Twilight Sparkle gets two tickets to a really high class dance and everyone else wants the other ticket."

"Why would  _she_ get the tickets?"

"I dunno. I just thought you'd be a good choice because of experience." Bea lifted her head a bit to smile, hoping she was making eye contact in the dark. "It would be a good way to get to know everyone's characters, too. Like...maybe my character wants to go because she loves parties and the dance is a really good party...?"

"That's a great idea!" Kiara swung her legs over Bea's and jumped onto the floor, flopping the blanket over on top of her.

Bea lifted the blanket as she sat up, watching in bewilderment. "You're going to start  _now?_ "

"Oh, of course not. It's the middle of the night." A small light flashed from a cell phone in Kiara's hand, illuminating her excited smile. "I'm just gonna start writing down ideas."

Bea lowered her head back onto her pillow, beginning to lift a finger to her mouth. "Can you please make sure to sleep this time?" she asked, with a tint of nervousness, before gently gnawing the tip of her fingernail.

Kiara giggled. "Don't worry about me. I promise I'll go to sleep tonight."

Of course, even if she ran out of inspiration that night, Kiara didn't know if her excitement would let her sleep. She was so inspired just thinking of all the fun and bonding that would come as time went on. She booted up the laptop, making sure the light of the screen was facing away from Bea, and typed the title of the first prompt: "The Ticket Master."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!! i'm not very confident in my writing (especially ending chapters) so i hope this is decent...  
> this work is (hopefully) going to be a collection of short stories detailing the bonds between the mane six (or humane six, i guess) as they continue to roleplay as their pony counterparts. (that's also why this is tagged for rarijack and flutterdash despite twinkie being the only solid pairing so far, so...spoilers? sorry...)  
> thank you to stevetwisp on tumblr for the au idea!! i hope my writing does it justice...


	2. Veronica's Business Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janet gives Veronica a great opportunity to help improve her financial situation. They end up discovering a little more about each other than anticipated.

When Kiara had introduced the first roleplay prompt to the group, it gave them all a chance to learn more about their characters. That wasn't much of a challenge for Veronica, though. Applejack was nearly a complete personification--or ponification, rather--of all of Veronica's feelings, values and motives. And of course, given Veronica's current situation, Applejack's motive for going to the Grand Galloping Gala (as Janet had named it) was to make money selling apple treats.

What was stopping her from doing that in real life? She knew how to cook and bake, but since she now lived so far away from her favorite apple orchard, it was hard to get that same refreshing flavor. Not only that, but her family lived in the big city now, and there wasn't exactly a high demand for locally made pastries. Still, she really wanted to do something. She couldn't just sit around, hopelessly waiting for her grandmother to pass on and watch as they all spent their lives in near poverty. Veronica had to make money somehow, and she had to do it soon. Her best bet was to find a way to get some fresh, organic apples, and then a place where folks would be willing to buy her goods.

Soon, Veronica struck some unbelievable luck when she decided to pick up Megan from her friend's house one day. Instead of Carol's mother or father answering the door, it was an unfamiliar woman a few inches shorter than herself. She had loose, deep violet ringlets framing her narrow face, the color of which reminded Veronica of the healthy soil back where she was raised. The woman smiled, her daffidol-white teeth framed by thick, cherry red lips. "Hello," she said, in a soft, refined voice. "Who might you be?"

Veronica swallowed a bit of anxiety. She started to wonder how this elegant, beautiful woman in her tight white sweater dress saw her, a big, tall woman wearing wrinkled and worn flannel and ripped dirty jean shorts. But after a second, she realized there was no malice in the woman's face, only kindness and curiosity. She took a short breath and responded. "Veronica. I'm here to pick up my sister from 'er little playdate, but, uh..." A feeling of awkwardness rose in her, and she gave a nervous, loose smile as she started to rub the back of her neck. "Does Carol still live here?"

The woman closed her big blue eyes, her long black eyelashes flitting down as she chuckled. "Carrie's upstairs with Megan and Victoria. I came to watch them, since her parents are out for the week." She extended a hand. "My name is Janet. I'm Carrie's older sister."

 _"Janet!?"_ Veronica widened her eyes. Now that she knew her name, the way Janet looked seemed a bit familiar. It couldn't be a coincidence. After all, what were the chances there was someone else with purple hair and blue eyes named Janet? "Yer not... _that_ Janet, are ya?"

Janet tilted her head. " _That_ Janet? Do you know me from somewhere?"

"I know it sounds silly, but...does the word 'rarity' mean anything to you?"

Janet suddenly grinned, and clasped her hands together. "Rarity? That's the name of the fashion brand I'm trying to start! And I even created a little cartoon pony based off it...you've heard of it?"

Veronica blinked, wanting to reply but too shocked. How could this be? Meeting a person who she'd just met online, who was related to her little sister's best friend, all by  _chance?_ It was like she found a needle in a giant stack of haystacks, by _accident._

Janet seemed to realize it too. "Wait, then you're--there's no way you're..." She glanced back, then lowered her voice. "Applejack?"

Veronica gulped down her shock so she could respond, with a soft chuckle. "Why so quiet? It's not like I'm hidin' it."

Janet sighed through a smile. "Well, if I was wrong, it'd be a tad embarrassing."

"But...how could this _be?"_ Veronica crossed her arms loosely around her chest. "How could ya just so _happen_ to live in the same city as I do?"

Janet shook her head. "Oh, I live in the United States. In Maryland. I'm just staying with my little sister for the week." She stepped aside, leaving the open doorway. "Why don't you come in?"

Veronica nodded, and proceeded to step into the house. As Janet followed and shut the front door behind them, footsteps rushed from the room above, followed by Megan's little face appearing at the top of the stairwell to their left. 

Veronica smiled up at her. "Hey, Megan. Ya think you could handle a little more time here? I wanted t--"

Before she could explain, Megan's curiosity was replaced with an excited grin, a nod, and an escape back to her friends. Veronica giggled at her sister's eagerness, then turned back to Janet, who was smiling as well. 

Janet cleared her throat. "So...where do you live?"

"Not far. 'Bout five minutes from here, by car. You?"

"Maryland, as I said. I live in a small town, most people seem to know each other." Janet grinned at Veronica. "I envy you. I'm content with my hometown, of course, but I adore the bustle of the city. Even if this part of it is relatively quiet, I'm enjoying my time."

Veronica nodded. "Well, ya see...I'm not exactly embracin' city life. I dunno if ya noticed, but I'm more of a country gal."

"Well, of course. One look at your blog is enough to know that."

"But that's not the biggest problem. Thing is, my family's sort of poor, our house's in a pretty ugly spot, and I can't really find a career to pay the bills." Veronica looked down at her old brown boots, the ones her mother wore back in their old home. "The only way I know how to make some money is by selling homemade apple snacks, but there's no way anyone in this city is gonna want those when you can just buy some factory-made baked goods at the supermarket. This place doesn't care whether their goods or local or organic, they just care about their money."

Janet stepped back. When Veronica looked up again, Janet was now the one looking away, with worry in her eyes. "I see..."

Veronica stepped closer, reaching out a hand. "Oh, I'm awful sorry...it's great that you love the city so much, I didn't mean--"

Janet shook her head. "No, it's not that. I didn't realize you were in such an awful position...I've never heard anything from Megan or Carrie about it."

"Well, they're still twelve. Too young to worry about money, if ya ask me."

Janet looked up again, showing a small, hesitant smile. "I think I might know how to help you, or...at least try."

* * *

**Rarity is my muse:** you'll never guess what happened today!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** did you run into someone who was walking eight dogs at once and you got to pet them all???

 **gay witch:** i was going to mention that. we found eight dogs today. they were all so cute...

 **Rarity is my muse:** that sounds lovely! today i actually happened to meet with Veronica!

 **Big Buff Butch:** OUR veronica??

 **Rarity is my muse:** i can hardly believe it myself...it's amazing that my little sister just so happens to live in her hometown

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** whoa!!!!!!!!!!

 **flutter:** that's so amazing,,,,

 **gay witch:** are you with her now?

 **Rarity is my muse:** no, we could only chat for a little bit. she had to get her sister home and cook dinner. but we decided that when i go back to my home this weekend, Veronica will come with me.

 **flutter:** oh! why's that?

 **Rarity is my muse:** well, i'm not sure Veronica would want me to give all the details...you can ask her if you see her come online, but don't pressure her.

 **Big Buff Butch:** if ur gonna tell us a little why bother keeping that secret?

 **Rarity is my muse:** i'm sorry. i just wanted to let everybody know about this. it might cause Veronica and myself to be a bit inactive.

 **gay witch:** oh, that's fine. you don't have to participate in every single roleplay prompt.

 **flutter:** thank you v much for letting us know,,, i wouldn't want to worry about you

 **Rarity is my muse:** i think i should get going. carrie's getting hungry.

 **gay witch:** carrie?

 **Rarity is my muse:** my sister. i'm staying with her for the week.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** have a good meal!!!!

 **flutter:** goodbye!

* * *

The train ride would last a few hours, but fortunately Veronica and Janet lived in the same time zone, so they wouldn't suffer any jet lag. Or train lag, in this case. They planned to eat dinner at Janet's home, then start working on Veronica's project the next morning.

"I hope you had lunch today," Janet said. She was leaning toward the window, gazing at the flood of scenery that they continued to pass. "Of course, I can pay for refreshments if you need, but I doubt they would be very filling."

Veronica nodded, her head resting on her crossed arms up on the back of the seat. "Sure did. We may seem a li'l poor but we always make do somehow."

"What did you eat?" Janet asked, turning her head slightly to watch Veronica.

"I went 'n picked up some fast food." Veronica shrugged. "Not my cup of cider, but it was edible, at least."

"Cider?" Janet pulled away from the window and pressed her hands onto her knees, concealed by a long magenta skirt, as she now leaned toward Veronica. "That's an interesting expression."

Veronica chuckled, and crossed her left leg over her right. As she did, her boot got a bit close to Janet's skirt and she instinctively recoiled for a quick moment, but Veronica didn't pay it any mind. "Well, when you grow up near an apple orchard the whole effect of it never leaves ya. Y'know?"

Janet shook her head slowly, scrunching her thin eyebrows in confusion.

"Well, my folks 'n my brother always incorporated apples into their speech. Just for the hell of it, I guess. I grew up listenin' to them 'n all their silly expressions stuck to me."

"That makes sense," Janet replied, pulling a finger through her silky, royal purple curls, each one bouncing back into its loose shape as soon as it was free. "I couldn't say the same for my own parents, however."

"Ya don't like your folks?"

"Oh, no, not at all. I adore my family. I've just always had a bit of a different path than they do. That's why everyone seems to say I have a refined tone." Janet looked down at her toes sheepishly, as they curled defensively in her tan sandals. "When I was younger, I was forcing this sort of speech, but now it's just a habit I can't seem to shake."

Veronica smirked, showing a peek of her slightly yellowed teeth. "I don' mind it at all."

Janet's bright blue eyes glanced at Veronica. She lowered her head and stifled a soft giggle, but she didn't reply.

They spent the next few hours in silence. Veronica took a nap on her seat. Instead of lying down, though, she simply let her head roll back and tucked her eyes underneath her old brown ten-gallon hat. Thankfully, no one was sitting behind her.

Janet used her phone, thanks to the train's internet access. She checked the roleplay blog in case she needed to reply to anything. The Ticket Master prompt was ongoing, and Rarity was as much a part of it as anyone else.

Janet had Rarity's motive planned out. Rarity wanted to go to the Grand Galloping Gala to meet a prince and fall in love. However, if she did get the ticket and meet the prince, he would turn out to be very arrogant and self-centered. The truth was that Rarity was actually attracted to women, but she didn't realize it yet. Maybe she was attracted to men too, but Janet couldn't describe that. Janet herself was a lesbian. She didn't know what attraction to men felt like.

In fact, no one in the group was straight, as Janet had recently discovered. Obviously, Kiara and Bea were dating, and Iris made no secret about being attracted to women. But eventually Janet noticed Faria and Veronica indicating that they were too. It was a relief to be in a group of sapphic women. But Janet was also afraid of developing a crush on one of them. She'd never had a serious relationship, and she feared being an undesirable girlfriend.

Janet was jolted out of her thoughts by a sudden bump in the tracks. At the same time, a dry yelp sounded from across from her. She turned to see Veronica, clutching her hat to her chest as if rescuing it from a fall, and glancing around with wide green eyes. They rested on Janet, and then they closed. She sighed as she pulled the hat back onto her head. "Are we there?"

"No." Janet stretched her arms upward, then leaned forward. "Are you alright?"

Veronica rubbed her eyes. "Just spooked is all. Was I sleepin'?"

Janet nodded.

"Did I snore?"

Janet chuckled. "No. Why? Do you usually snore?"

"Megan says I snore like a pig if I've been asleep long enough." Veronica crossed her arms. "What time is it now?"

Janet woke up her phone to see the time. "It's almost half past four. We must be close by now."

Before Veronica could respond, her stomach emitted a deep rumble. Veronica folded her arms around her torso and locked her eyes onto the floor. Janet saw her sandy brown cheeks become tinted with red. She giggled. "I suppose fast food isn't so filling after all. Would you like refreshments?"

Veronica shrugged, keeping her shoulders close to her neck in shame.

Despite the woman's embarrassment, Janet felt the need to purchase some snacks for her. Veronica accepted the bag of pretzels and bottled water with a grateful smile. "This all ain't necessary," she said, as she twisted the plastic bottle cap. "I don't want ya to spend money on me like this."

"If I couldn't afford it," Janet replied, "I wouldn't have offered. I'll make sure we have a proper dinner after we arrive. It shouldn't be too long now."

Sure enough, within the next half hour they'd arrived. Veronica tossed her empty bag and bottle into the trash and the girls pulled their luggage out with them. The town they entered was much smaller than Veronica expected. Past the restaurant, park, and town hall were a cluster of houses, apparently the only houses.

"I have a habit of calling it a town," Janet explained as they walked, "but it's more of a village."

"I'll say." If she squinted, Veronica could see a red wooden building on a hill beyond Janet's neighborhood, surrounded by wonderfully familiar trees. "Is that..."

"The orchard." Janet spoke with a knowing smile. "Tomorrow morning, I'll go there to buy some of their produce. You're welcome to join, but you can do something else if you like." She reached her hand toward Veronica's and laced her fingers, seemingly subconsciously. "What would you like for dinner, then?"

Veronica shrugged. "I'd like to see your house first, if that's okay."

Janet glanced at the suitcase handles still in their hands. "Oh, right, that would be a bit more convenient."

Janet lived alone in a modest two-story home. The floors were mostly carpets in subdued colors. The kitchen consisted of a simple setup of a refrigerator, stove, counter and cabinets, with a table and chairs to dine at. It was very comfortable and quaint, but Janet longed for a future of wealth, and possibly life in a mansion. 

Veronica seemed pleased with the house. Janet led her to the guest bedroom. It was small, with just a dresser, bed and two nightstands as furniture, but Veronica was satisfied. "I'll probably spend most of my time in yer room anyway," she said. "Or the living room. And the kitchen if I'm gonna be bakin' my goods here."

They decided to have dinner in Janet's kitchen. Janet cooked some pasta for herself and Veronica. At first she was disappointed that she didn't have a chance to show off the local cuisine to Veronica, but then she realized this is probably what would make her the happiest anyway. Veronica already seemed ashamed and guilty when Janet bought her pretzels and water on the train, so a fancy meal would probably be much too overwhelming.

In fact, as they ate, Janet was grateful that they stayed at her house. To put it bluntly, Veronica had atrocious manners. She talked with the food in her mouth, wiped the sauce on her face off on her red flannel sleeves, and burped loudly with her mouth open wide. Janet wanted to be polite, but she was very uneasy. "Veronica," she said softly, twirling her fork in her spaghettti, "could you please not...belch like that? It makes me uncomfortable."

"Why's that?" Veronica asked as she chewed.

"It's a bit...unappetizing to me."

Veronica swallowed and grinned, with tomato red stains lining her mouth. "Sorry. Sure thing."

After dinner, they started planning. The next morning, Janet would go pick up apples from the orchard, while Veronica would buy other ingredients at the marketplace. Then they'd spend the day baking together. The day after that, they would set up a stand to sell the treats. Veronica wanted to split their profits but Janet insisted that Veronica take all the money.

"That doesn't seem fair," Veronica said. They were sitting on the sofa as Janet typed up a schedule on her smartphone. "Yer the one makin' it possible for me to have some funds in the first place. It's only right to give ya some compensation."

Janet stopped typing to glance up at Veronica with wide blue eyes. "Of course not. You need the money much more than I do."

"That so?" Veronica crossed her arms. "Then where ya gettin' yours? I don't see ya havin' a paying job anywhere."

Janet continued typing. "I'm a florist. There's a small flower shop near the marketplace that I work at. It's closed for the rest of this month, though, so I also make money from art commissions."

Veronica raised her eyebrows. "A florist, huh? How much do ya make from that?"

Janet paused her typing again to gaze upward in thought. "Well, I make about thirteen dollars an hour. I think that's a little more in Canadian dollars."

"That seems pretty low. I was born in this country, I know what that's worth."

Janet smiled, replying without looking up from her phone. "Oh, don't fret, Veronica. If I couldn't do this for you, I wouldn't."

Veronica sighed. "Maybe. But I still don't feel right takin'  _all_ the profit."

Janet pushed a button to darken her phone's screen as she looked back up. "If you really want me to have some of your money, I suppose I will. But I'm not doing this for my own benefit, so please just do whatever feels right for you."

"Why are you doin' it then?"

Her eyes widened with bewilderment, and Veronica continued. "I mean, I really am grateful, but I just don't understand why ya wanna help me so much. No offense, but we barely know each other. We roleplay on the same blog, and our sisters are friends, but that's our only real connection. Why do ya trust me so much?"

Janet's surprise faded from her eyes, and she smiled a bit as she leaned forward to place her phone on the coffee table--an appropriate name given it was the color of black coffee--and said, "Well, from what Carrie says, you seem like a very good and very trustworthy person. I appreciate that about you. Do you trust me too?"

Veronica sighed, and nodded. "I'm sorry."

"No need. You're just being honest." Suddenly Janet was holding Veronica's big rough hand with her chilled, soft grasp. "I think that means you trust me. Doesn't it?"

Veronica glanced up at Janet, who was leaning toward her, watching with a friendly blue gaze and an innocent smile. Then she glanced back down. This was the second time today she'd held her hand, and even if she wasn't used to it, it was very calming to have something so cold in her naturally warm hands.

Then the hand jerked away. "I'm sorry," Janet said, leaning back from Veronica. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

Veronica wasn't uncomfortable, just a bit confused as to how she felt about holding hands so much. But that would be a bit hard to explain, so she simply replied, "S'alright."

Janet owned a tablet as well as a smartphone, and she decided to lend it to Veronica in case she wanted to use Discord or Tumblr. Veronica was still thinking about the hand holding, and the way Janet was always gazing at her. She decided to use the private messages on Discord to ask for advice.

* * *

**ciderseason:** Hey Kiara.

 **gay witch:** hello! i thought you were staying with janet for the week...?

 **ciderseason:** I am. She gave me this tablet for the week so I could use the Internet.

 **gay witch:** oh, how nice! did you arrive there today?

 **ciderseason:** Yup. She's got a real nice house. It's small and cozy. It smells so fresh too.

 **gay witch:** i love small and cozy houses...i'm living in one. i thought bea wouldn't like it but she seems pretty content. i'd think she'd want a bigger house for bigger parties.

 **ciderseason:** I sorta wanted to talk to you about that...

 **gay witch:** what do you mean?

 **ciderseason:** I've been wondering about stuff today and I wanted to know...when did you notice you were in love?

 **gay witch:** it's a funny story...i think i always felt that way once we got to know each other. i didn't realize exactly what it was until bea came to me and asked to be my partner. then i noticed how happy i was about what she was saying and i realized that i love her more than anything...that's a bit mushy, though, isn't it?

 **ciderseason:** I think it's cute.

 **gay witch:** but why are you asking me about this? do you have a crush on janet?

 **ciderseason:** I've never really been in love so I couldn't say for sure. If I'm being honest, I hope not.

 **gay witch:** why's that?

 **ciderseason:** We're barely even friends. If I have a crush on her now that's way too quick.

 **gay witch:** then i think you should just leave it alone for now. if you become better friends you should have a better idea about your feelings.

 **ciderseason:** I just don't wanna ruin it.

 **gay witch:** also, what's making you feel like this?

 **ciderseason:** I think it's just that she's a real beautiful woman. Especially when you put her next to a slob like me. And I noticed she tends to hold my hand. I don't wanna tell her but I like when she does that.

 **gay witch:** i think since you haven't really been in love it's easy to interpret those thoughts as romantic. that's not to say they aren't, i think you should just wait and see what else happens. that probably sounds hard, but i don't know what what else to do. unless you want me to say something to janet...?

 **ciderseason:** No, it's too soon. I feel a lot better now actually. Thanks Kiara.

 **gay witch:** oh, i'm so glad...have a good night!

 **ciderseason:** You too.

* * *

Veronica wasn't surprised when she found herself being excited about baking with Janet.

That morning, Veronica had woken up first, and she was able to see Janet wake up. Her hair, usually shiny and soft and in perfectly round ringlets, was dull and frizzy. Her eyes were half-closed and her mouth half-open as she stumbled drowsily to the bathroom to shower, not even realizing Veronica was standing nearby. She was simply wearing a loose, soft T-shirt and black sweatpants with strands of hair and specks of dust sticking to the legs.

And somehow, that sleepy mess was still so pretty. Veronica couldn't put her finger on it, but her heart swelled when she saw her. Maybe she really was in love. She wasn't sure how to feel about that.

After she'd freshened up, Janet had given Veronica a grocery list. It was mostly simple baking ingredients, like milk, flour and eggs. "Feel free to add anything else to the list that you might use," she'd said, as she handed Veronica the shopping money. "I'll drive over to pick you up when you're ready. Just text me."

Meanwhile, Janet was walking through the local apple orchard. She had a small piece of notepad paper pinched between her fingers. Veronica had written it for her that morning.

"Different recipes call for different kinds of apples," Veronica had explained. "So, I'm gonna write up a checklist with all different kinds. If ya find some, check it. If not, don't. Does that make sense?"

Janet honestly expected someone like Veronica to have almost illegible handwriting. On the contrary, it was very readable. It wasn't like her own slanted, clear letters. Veronica's letters were almost upright, yet a bit crooked in some places. They were large and prominent, too, but she'd still managed to fit all the apples on one page.

One of the farmers who owned the orchard approached her as she walked up the dirt path. "Howdy, miss," he greeted her. He looked just like any other farmer, with grass-stained gray overalls and rolled-up red flannel sleeves. It looked like something Veronica would wear. Perhaps that meant she was always a farm girl at heart. "Can I help you with anything?"

Janet nodded. "Yes, actually. My friend and I are going to make some baked goods and I was hoping we could use the apples at this orchard."

The man smiled. "Sure thing, miss. But I'd like to ask you a favor first."

"Yes?"

"If you and your friend are gonna use our apples, I'd like you to redirect them to our farm," the farmer explained. "I want you to let your customers know where the apples came from."

"So..." Janet put a finger to her lips in thought. "As things stand right now, it looks like we're going to set up a stand in the marketplace. Perhaps I could have a sign nearby that says the apples came from here. Would that be sufficient?"

The farmer grinned again. "That sounds lovely. You've got yourself a deal."

Janet was happy too. A mutual agreement on something that was beneficial both ways. Janet would help earn money for Veronica, and the orchard would have more business. She felt a surge of confidence at such a deal. Maybe, if she were ever a fashion designer she could have even more business like that.

Of course, that was a farfetched dream. Janet still lived in a village. She had designs, and she had talent, but a career in fashion was much more complicated than that. She'd always wondered if she should have stayed in the city.

Then again, Janet never lived in the nice big house that Carrie lived in now. Before she moved out, they were stuck in an old, run-down house, not unlike what Veronica seemed to live in. They were relatively poor until their mother remarried a well-off man. He'd offered to aid the family, starting off by donating funds for Janet and Carrie's futures, and their mother was so moved by his generosity that she fell in love. At least, that's what Janet was told.

Now that she thought about it, Janet realized she was in a similar situation. She wasn't exactly wealthy, but she had more financial stability than Veronica, and she felt she had to help fix that. Did that make her generous? Or was it another motive she wasn't aware of?

Veronica eventually sent the text that she was ready to be picked up from the marketplace. It was especially convenient, as Janet had just finished her own task. She drove down to the marketplace and waited for Veronica to sit her bags of groceries in the back seat, then come sit next to Janet in the car.

"Were you able to find everything?" Janet asked, twisting her key to start the soft rumbling again.

Veronica nodded. "I got some extra, too. I was gonna get nuts but I figured you might be allergic."

"I'm not, but I appreciate the thought." Janet smiled as she started backing up the car. "I have a mild allergy to vinegar, but that's all, really."

They didn't talk for most of the ride. It was strange, and awkward. Janet felt a bit tense, but she wasn't sure how to break the silence. She had a strange feeling, too. Like she was being watched. She squirmed a little, trying to focus on her driving. After a moment the feeling went away, but she still felt she needed to say something.

After all, she was going to spend the rest of the day baking with this woman. If they couldn't have conversations, it would be a very tedious day for them both.

Janet heard Veronica clear her throat and finally speak. "I, uh...really like your blouse."

She stole a glance at her. Veronica was staring out the window, her arms crossed tightly around her pudgy body. Janet couldn't see her face, but her blonde hair was tucked behind an ear, and the tip was a soft pink.

Janet smiled and turned back to her wheel. "Thank you," she said, but her smile faded quickly. She could sense some kind of timid discomfort from Veronica, but why? "Is...something bothering you?"

Veronica mumbled, "Mm-mm," which probably meant "no," but it wasn't very convincing. She sighed, and said more clearly, "I forgot to ask--did ya have much trouble with the list?"

Janet kept her eyes ahead, but she shook her head. "It was fine. The farmer there was very helpful. I wasn't able to check off everything, but I have most kinds."

"Sounds great."

"But if we don't use enough," Janet added, with a soft chuckle, "I'll have an unreasonable amount of apples in my house for no reason."

Veronica laughed a little in response. "I'll take 'em. Dunno if you've noticed, but I'm sorta an apple fan."

They giggled as they approached Janet's home. The tension had faded, and it was almost forgotten entirely. Not quite, though. As they took their things out of the car, they met eyes. There was something strange about Veronica's leafy green gaze. It wasn't unsettling, but it was confusing. Was it Veronica watching her in the car?

* * *

It was hopeless.

She looked so cute in her frilly blue gingham apron. The way she giggled at her own jokes was so melodic, and she managed to do everything so gracefully. When she talked about her dreams of fashion, her eyes glimmered just like a bright blue night sky. She was so beautiful and passionate and kind...

Somehow, Veronica, who'd never been in love, was head over heels for Janet.

It was so immature. They hadn't known each other for long. It was incredible they even liked each other. Since when would a gorgeous, elegant woman befriend a slobby unrefined girl? And in what world would one of them be in love with the other?

These thoughts and feelings were very troubling, but Veronica took a deep breath, trying to push the worry to the back of her mind. She didn't need to think about it right now. For now, she had to let herself enjoy the afternoon, baking with Janet.

But Janet still noticed, in between conversations, Veronica would let out a small, soft sigh through her nose, and her lips would form a frown for just a second. When Janet had asked earlier, Veronica had denied anything was wrong. At this point, though, it was very obvious that she was troubled. Janet wanted to help, but when they did talk, Veronica's shoulders relaxed, she gave a genuine smile, and she spoke with joy and enthusiasm. Janet didn't want to ruin that. For now, the only thing she needed to do was keep Veronica distracted from her thoughts.

Even as the day went on, Janet began to worry too. She wasn't sure exactly what was wrong. But something felt uncanny about today. She felt the need to ask someone, but Veronica already seemed to be stressed enough. Luckily, she had four other people to contact, so one of them would probably be open for advising her.

* * *

**Rarity is my muse:** hello, Faria. are you awake?

 **flutter:** yes. i've been having trouble sleeping lately

 **Rarity is my muse:** oh...why is that?

 **flutter:** i don't know. maybe my bed isn't soft enough. do you need something?

 **Rarity is my muse:** i wanted to talk to someone, and i felt you would be the best choice...do you mind?

 **flutter:** not at all. is something wrong?

 **Rarity is my muse:** i'm not sure. i've felt really strange today but i can't understand why. i was hoping you could help me.

 **flutter:** was it only today?

 **Rarity is my muse:** i think so.

 **flutter:** what did you do today?

 **Rarity is my muse:** Veronica went to the marketplace, and i went to the apple orchard. i picked her up and drove her to my house. we spent a few hours baking before sundown, then we ate dinner. Veronica went to the guest room and i took a shower. i'm in bed now.

 **flutter:** do you think it has something to do with veronica?

 **Rarity is my muse:** maybe. i noticed she was staring at me a few times today...and i can tell something is bothering her. she won't tell me.

 **flutter:** maybe she's thinking about you,,,,

 **Rarity is my muse:** what do you mean?

 **flutter:** well don't tell her i said this but,,,, sometimes iris is drunk when she's visiting me. i usually let her stay the night if that happens. but sometimes she stares at me like that,,,, then she calls me pretty. sometimes she kisses me

 **Rarity is my muse:** oh...

 **flutter:** i dont mind it but i don't want to tell her about it. i think she would be embarrassed.

 **Rarity is my muse:** are you saying Veronica might have a crush on me?

 **flutter:** maybe. and maybe you knew that somehow, and that's why you've felt strange all day.

 **Rarity is my muse:** i think i understand...but i don't know how to feel.

 **flutter:** that's okay. i'm sorry if i made you uncomfortable

 **Rarity is my muse:** not at all. i'm glad i talked to you. thank you.

* * *

They didn't have much to worry about once they got a good night's sleep. 

Veronica had packed their products into boxes and she was stacking them on the countertop when Janet left the shower. She smiled when noticing Janet, and spoke. "It slipped my mind yesterday, but we do have somewhere to put all this, right? Like a stand?"

Janet nodded, running her fingers through her hair, flattened by the water. "We can lend one when we get there," she answered. She walked over to sit at a barstool at the counter. "I'll help you carry these."

Veronica was pretty tall, so her stacks were tall, too. She topped the third stack, the last one, then put her left hand on her hip. "I'm afraid they won't sell." She glanced up at Janet, then back at the boxes in front of her. "I mean, I think they came out good, but I dunno how much folks are willin' to buy all of it."

"If we don't sell them all today," Janet replied, "we can sell more tomorrow."

Veronica shook her head as she said, "We'd have a shortage. If we sell more than half of these there won't be enough to sell tomorrow."

Janet crossed her arms on the counter, and leaned forward. "If that's the case, we'll just eat them. You have two more nights here. I think you deserve to relax a bit. Maybe we could watch movies."

Veronica's left hand lowered as her eyes blinked and widened. They looked down at Janet. They were a vibrant hue of green, contrasting her freckled brown skin. She had a big circular nose and soft cheeks that started to redden just a bit.

Janet smiled, her eyes narrowing in glee. "You're cute, Veronica. I mean it. I want to spend some time with you without worrying about business."

Veronica squeezed her eyes shut and nodded. "Alright."

Now that Janet had talked with Faria, she really did see hints of a crush in Veronica's behavior. She was blushing a lot more often than usual, and she stuttered whenever complimenting Janet. Honestly, Janet really did think Veronica was cute, and was surprised about it.

When it was time to go, they carried each stack of boxes together. Janet had to walk backwards to her car. Luckily, Veronica was taller than her, so she was able to give a warning if Janet was about to go the wrong way.

Every time they carried the boxes, Janet's hands would overlap Veronica's. Her hands were big and warm. Janet really liked how they felt against her naturally cold hands. Veronica would stiffen at first, then relax again. Janet caught a glimpse of her smile.

Janet drove down to the marketplace. Veronica volunteered to sit in the back seat to keep the boxes from tumbling around, so Janet put some posters on the seat next to her. Occasionally, Janet would glance up at the mirror and see a reflection of Veronica frantically pulling boxes back into position.

"Are you good at yelling?" Janet asked.

Veronica chuckled. "What?"

"We might need to yell to get customers," Janet explained. "Actually, maybe not. The posters might be eyecatching enough."

The small posters they'd made were promoting the local orchard. There were also a couple where Janet had painted pies and apples, just to make the stand more attractive.

"That's good," Veronica replied, leaning over to the window to rescue some more boxes. "Don't wanna strain my voice."

"Me neither. I also don't like yelling."

When they approached the marketplace, Janet made an effort to park slowly on the side of the road. She turned her head to look at Veronica, whose legs were sprawled out in front of the box stacks. "I'm sorry," Janet told her. "I didn't realize how stressful it'd be."

Veronica shrugged. "It was some good exercise."

"Would you be able to carry those on your own?" Janet asked. "I'm going to go set up the stand. Of course, we could switch."

"Nah, it's fine."

Things went smoothly. Janet set up a stand as Veronica unpacked boxes of treats to put on it. Most of them stayed pretty intact, although there was one box that ended up a mess. They decided to keep that one for themselves.

The cost range was from three to thirty dollars. They'd made at least one hundred treats, though they varied from fritters to pies. Janet had done the math earlier, and they had about five hundred dollars' worth of treats, although they'd now make less than that given the defective box.

Janet had also put out a tip jar. "This sale is to help your financial situation," she'd explained. "I'm sure someone will be willing to donate too."

Veronica crossed her arms. "I dunno. That seems sorta..." She puffed her cheeks, thinking for a moment, then shrugged. "Well, I can't find the right word, but it boils down to 'not good.'"

"It's for you, not me."

"I know. I just don't wanna manipulate people."

"Then tell them that. You don't need to bottle up your thoughts."

Luckily, people seemed to be very generous. They'd often put a bit of loose change in the jar without even acknowledging it, although Janet had made sure to explain it on one of her posters. Veronica was very pleasantly surprised by how often she'd have to restock. In between sales, she talked with Janet, who tasked herself with storing the money in a case. Throughout the day they each became much more relaxed around each other. They eventually opened their defect box and shared the squished apple pie slices and apple tarts that were inside. They ended up closing at four o'clock, with three leftover boxes.

Veronica pulled down the posters, wearing her cute grin, as Janet counted the money they earned. She was finished counting by the time Veronica had returned their stand, and she looked up. "Veronica, I have to confess something."

Veronica bit her lip before asking, "Yes?"

"I'm not actually that good at math."

Veronica twirled the ponytail dangling from the back of her head. "Whaddaya mean?"

Janet shrugged, with a small smile. "You made...a little more than five hundred dollars."

At first Veronica simply clasped her hands together, but her wide eyes and big grin gave away her excitement. As soon as they returned to Janet's house and left the car, she burst. She jumped at Janet, wrapping her big arms around her as they toppled onto the patch of grass. Janet was startled, but once they were on the ground she wrapped her arms around Veronica. They hugged tightly, before Veronica pulled away and stared down at Janet.

Janet was still lying pushed on the ground underneath her. Veronica's hands were each beside her cheeks as her eyes gazed unblinkingly. It was what gave away that Veronica was nervous. In fact, she was suddenly stricken with horror about what she'd just done. "I--I'm--" Her hands curled anxiously into fists, but her eyes didn't move.

But Janet wasn't angry, or even upset in any way. She smiled, feeling her heart swell. She could tell that she'd made Veronica unbelievably happy, and that satisfaction was good enough, but it felt so good to hug her like that. She'd never been hugged by such a strong woman before. And at this point there was no denying that Veronica had a very cute face. It was soft and ovular with dark freckles scattered around her big nose and lips. 

Her lips looked soft.

Janet lifted her arm back around Veronica, her fingers brushing by her hair. "I'm sorry, Veronica, but...I want to kiss you."

Veronica's hand slipped under Janet's head. She blinked, and bit her lip again. "I wanna kiss you too, but...I don't wanna ruin your lipstick."

Janet's eyes glimmered as she chuckled. "I'm not going out anywhere. Unless you have somewhere in mind."

Veronica's gaze relaxed, and she gave another joyful smile. "Can we kiss now?"

At Janet's nod, they pulled each other closer again. Their lips touched at last. Veronica pushed hers very gently, closing her eyes once she saw Janet do the same. Janet had bright red lipstick, which Veronica expected to get in her mouth somehow. But they didn't touch tongues, so all Veronica tasted during their kiss was the scent of her breath.

It tasted like apple pie.

* * *

 

Veronica slept over for two more nights. They started sharing a bed. Janet had stray violet hairs stuck in there, but Veronica snored, so they agreed that it was fair. They shared a lot of kisses and snuggles, but neither actually outright told the other that they wanted to date until Janet started helping Veronica pack up.

Janet was very straightforward. "Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

"Yes." Veronica's reply was immediate. "Only thing is...we can't live together. Financially speaking."

Janet nodded. "I understand. You have a family to support."

Veronica walked over to Janet and they hugged again. They didn't want to let go. They felt so safe and secure, like puzzle pieces. Somehow, the puzzle pieces that looked nothing alike fit perfectly into one. Janet's head was tucked neatly under Veronica's chin. She felt Veronica's words as they were spoken. "It might be a bit soon to say this, but...I'm awful grateful for you. I'm not sure ya deserve me."

Janet squeezed her tighter. "The best feeling is when I help someone I love. You don't owe me anything except being happy."

"I'll sure miss ya."

Janet laced her fingers. She really didn't want to let go. "I'll visit every month. I promise."

After a few silent moments, they finally forced themselves apart, and smiled. Janet drove her to the train station and kissed her goodbye. Before going back in her car she decided to check the Discord chatroom.

* * *

**Rarity is my muse:** i have some news.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** is it good news???

 **Rarity is my muse:** i think it's good news. Veronica is my girlfriend now.

 **gay witch:** whoa! congratulations!!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** that makes me so happy!!!! if i wasn't working right now and if i lived in maryland i would run over and give you big hugs!!!!!!

 **Big Buff Butch:** u have a job?

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** well, duh! we have to make money somehow!!

 **Rarity is my muse:** is Faria around?

 **Big Buff Butch:** we can't all be online all the time....she'll see it anyway

 **Rarity is my muse:** well, i wanted to thank her...she gave me some advice about it when i was feeling unsure.

 **gay witch:** this is so nice...i'm glad this place is already starting new bonds

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i have to go now!! bye!! congrats again!!!!

 **Rarity is my muse:** actually, i should probably leave too. i'm not even in my car yet. i was just excited to tell you.

 **Big Buff Butch:** i get it. drive safe!

 **gay witch:** good night!

* * *

Veronica had a hard time falling asleep. All she could think about was Janet.

Seven hundred and twenty-nine dollars was a lot of money to have in the house. Of course, that on its own wasn't a stable budget, but it got them groceries. And Veronica had applied for a job at a local restaurant a few hours earlier. She usually wasn't hired, but she felt confident, at the time.

Now, though, she was hugging her pillow, lost in her thoughts. Janet was an absolute angel. The very idea that Janet would be attracted to a slob like her felt like a dream. Not only that, but she helped them out a lot, and she didn't even ask for anything in return. Veronica wanted to pay her back so badly. She felt a tear drip to her pillow. She didn't know whether she was crying from happiness or guilt, but she spent the rest of her night thinking about what to do for Janet until her thoughts became a vague, hopeful dream.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry. i feel like i made this...annoyingly long. and even after proofreading it i feel it's not very good, but maybe i'm just too hard on myself. i hope it's okay. i'm not good at love stories.


	3. The Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something is bothering Faria, and she has a feeling that Iris is involved somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heads-up, there's a description of body injury near the end that's slightly graphic. it's pretty brief but it's probably good to know it's there.
> 
> also a brief instance of accidental misgendering if that's necessary to know

In the neighboring city, there was a car accident near a pharmacy.

Faria usually didn't know about that sort of thing. She usually kept to herself in her cottage on the outskirts, and she didn't have a car anyway. If she couldn't walk to where she needed to go, she took a bus, but the pharmacy was close enough to get there on foot. She was going there to pick up her medicine and some toiletries, and since she didn't have a car, she always went inside.

She heard sirens approaching, and that brought her attention to the scene. The accident had already happened. Two cars, one white and one gray, had crushed into each other. The hoods were destroyed, scraps were scattered around the area. Two police cars were now parking nearby, and policemen stepped out to inspect the wreckage.

Faria couldn't quite make out everything the police said. Everyone in the white car had stepped out and away from the scene, and two policemen spoke through a shattered window on the passenger's side of the gray car.

"Sir, are you injured? Then please step out of the vehicle...An ambulance is on its way...you need to step out of the vehicle, sir...she'll be fine as long as you cooperate..."

At that point Faria decided she'd been lurking for long enough, and turned away to enter the pharmacy. It was strange. Unless she witnessed the moment of the accident, she never stood around and watched the police. It really wasn't any of her business. She felt very guilty.

Still, something about the gray car was familiar. It definitely didn't belong to Iris, her car was blue. It had always been blue. And Iris was the only person she knew in this city. Where had she seen that car before?

It bothered her a lot, but it would be tough to figure out. She'd probably seen millions of gray cars in her lifetime, and she didn't remember any of the license plates. By the time she left the pharmacy, the remains of the two cars were still there, but most people involved had left the scene. The gray car still bothered her. She usually went home the way she came, but she decided to take a detour to look at the car's license plate. Unsurprisingly, it was unfamiliar, but Faria made a note of it. Once she was back in the outskirts away from traffic, she pulled her phone out of her small pink purse and sent a text to Iris, asking if she knew anyone who own a car like that. Iris lived in an apartment building not far from the scene, so Faria figured she'd know a bit more about it. But all Iris replied with was "no."

When Faria returned home, she put all her purchases in the proper places before making some salad for herself. It was fruit salad. She used lettuce, berries, and pineapple. Once she had a nice, cold bowl, she took it to her bedroom where her laptop was. She wanted to talk to her friends.

* * *

 **flutter:** is anyone here?

 **Rarity is my muse:** i am.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i'm at work for three more hours, so, i'm here but i can't really do much

 **gay witch:** i'm multitasking but i'm around.

 **Rarity is my muse:** do you need something?

 **flutter:** not exactly,,,, something's been bothering me for a little while though, i saw a car accident today

 **Rarity is my muse:** you saw it happen...?

 **flutter:** no. i only saw it after it happened.

 **gay witch:** was there gore or a fire or something?

 **flutter:** as far as i know nothing was on fire

 **gay witch:** then what exactly is bothering you? do you just not like car accidents?

 **flutter:** well, i don't think anybody likes car accidents,,,,

 **gay witch:** i mean, is it a trigger or something?

 **flutter:** one of the cars looked really familiar. but i know it doesn't belong to iris, and she said it's nobody she knows. i don't know who else it could be.

 **Rarity is my muse:** maybe keep an eye on the local news?

 **flutter:** i'm not sure a small accident would make the news. i can try though

 **gay witch:** if iris doesn't know who the car belongs to, i'm not sure how else you could know...

 **flutter:** im probably just overthinking it,,,

* * *

Faria didn't hear from Iris all day after that. She didn't even post anything online, and she was always posting things online.

After the sun set, Faria decided to call Iris to check up on her. To her slight surprise, Iris picked up. "Hey."

"Um...hi, Iris." Faria gripped the edges of her pale pink hijab, a nervous habit of hers. "I, um...I wanted to make sure you were doing okay."

After a short pause, Iris replied, "Why?"

"It's just...you haven't been online much today."

"I know it's hard to believe, but I do go outside sometimes."

Faria nodded, mostly to herself since Iris couldn't see her. She still had lingering thoughts about the car accident. "If you were outside...maybe you saw the accident?"

"What accident? When?" Iris's reply was immediate. Her tone was suspiciously more eager.

"Near the pharmacy, earlier today," Faria answered. "That's why I asked you about that car. It seemed familiar. It's still bothering me, actually...it's so silly. I don't usually worry so much about--"

"Faria, sorry, I gotta go," Iris quickly interrupted. "I'll, uh...stop by your place tomorrow morning, alright? Good night."

Her voice was replaced with a low, long beep before Faria could respond.

Iris was acting very strange, obviously. But why? She couldn't have been involved in the accident, neither car belonged to her. In any case, it seemed like Faria would get her answers soon.

But when Faria opened her eyes to bright sunlight flooding her small bedroom, it was clearly late morning, and Iris didn't seem to be nearby. Her phone was on the smooth wooden nightstand beside her. She had a text from Iris.

**hey i know ur probably still asleep but i dont feel like waiting. so ill just text u when im at your door. let me in when ur ready.**

The text was received at a little past nine. It was almost eleven, and there were no newer texts. It didn't usually take that long for Iris to arrive.

Maybe she was walking over.

Faria went about her usual routine, keeping her phone nearby just in case. She made her bed, got dressed, prepared some toast, took her medicine, ate breakfast, and brushed her teeth. That took about thirty minutes, but Iris hadn't texted her. Faria sent her a text to let her know she was awake, then took a bath.

At twelve, Iris hadn't sent her a text. There was no indication she'd read Faria's message, either. She'd have to visit Iris to see what was going on.

Faria kept her right hand tucked in her purse, in case Iris ended up texting her. The streets in the city were about as busy as usual midday traffic. It got a little more congested once Faria got closer to the apartment buildings.

It was like this yesterday, too. There was more traffic around the pharmacy. Was there another car accident in the same area?

Faria didn't want to think about it, as she started walking a little quicker on the sidewalk, but still the thought drifted through. Did Iris get in an accident?

As suspected, police cars were in a crowd up ahead. But Faria couldn't see any sign of a citizen's car, or Iris. That was probably a good sign. Policemen were out of their cars. Two were close by, while others were scrambled among the trees by the road. There was a small wooded area near the apartment buildings. It wasn't nearly as dense as the woods where Faria lived, but it was easy to be hidden in there. 

Looking closely, Faria could actually see what looked like back tires of a car and the bottom of a blue trunk. She couldn't quite read the license plate, but she realized she didn't need to.

Her heart dropped. Her knees shook, but she couldn't move from where she was standing. A policeman approached her and said something, but Faria couldn't make it out.

Two policemen emerged from the woods, carrying someone in their arms. It was unmistakable. Short, bright red hair and clear brown skin. She was skinny, but she had visible muscles. Today she was wearing denim shorts and a teal tank top. Her feet were bare and muddy, and a shallow trickle of blood dripped on the dry grass from somewhere on her head.

Faria's head was filled was an incomprehensible panic, before she lost her sight and felt everything go numb.

The next thing Faria felt was something soft beneath her. It felt just like her favorite quilt. She opened her eyes and met with tight walls made of sturdy logs. Her walls. Had she been dreaming?

Probably not. She wasn't underneath her blankets, and she still wore her long green skirt and pink hijab, which she wouldn't wear to bed. Her feet were still in white socks. Someone probably had taken off her shoes. Sure enough, a pair of dark brown flats waited by the door.

Her purse sat on her nightstand. Her phone was inside, and when she'd pulled it out she noticed a new text. It wasn't from Iris. The contact was listed as Beau.

**Hello Faria. The police called me to the scene and I had them bring you home. Dont worry, Iris is going to be okay. <3**

Beau was Iris's father. Seeing the message was a huge relief, but it still raised even more questions in Faria's head. How did the police know who Beau was? How did they contact him? 

Realization struck at that moment. Something clicked in her mind, and she remembered why she'd been so troubled. The car accidents were connected.

The gray car Faria saw belonged to Iris's parents.

* * *

Faria was surprised when she saw Iris's eyes open.

She lay in the hospital bed, the sheet covering everything up to her chin. A white gauze bandage was secured around her forehead. Upon hearing the footsteps, Iris turned her gaze to Faria as she walked over to stand beside her bed.

Iris stared up at her. There was some message in her magenta eyes that Faria couldn't read. She didn't seem to want to use her voice.

Faria broke the silence. "Iris, I want you to tell me everything."

Iris was in the car with her parents. She was driving with her mother in the seat next to her and her father in the back. She was using her parents' car because they'd used it to give her a surprise visit, and she'd decided to drive them to lunch.

Something strange happened. As they passed the pharmacy, Iris noticed something swerving and veering towards them. As she turned to look at the wobbly white car, someone jumped in front of her, and her seatbelt was undone. Then a clash of horrible noise filled her ears. In a blink, the front of the car was destroyed, and she'd been flung back toward her father. Her mother was hunched over the remains of the dashboard, and she wasn't moving.

Iris held her breath, releasing it when she noticed her mother was still breathing. She crawled back over, and looked through the windows.

At this point, the police had just arrived. Iris had probably been watching her mother for a few minutes. When climbing to the now empty passenger's seat, she saw the pharmacy through the driver's window, and Faria watching from the entrance.

"I didn't want to freak you out," Iris said. Her voice was always sort of high and raspy, but now it was weaker than usual, and shaking very slightly. "And that's why I lied to you about it later. The cops were telling me to get out but I couldn't let you see me like that."

"Was that the man calling you a sir?" Faria asked.

Iris shrugged. "Yeah. I thought he was talking to my dad at first, but it turns out he thought I was a man."

That made a little sense. Iris didn't take estradiol, or any kind of hormone replacement, like Faria did. Iris had always looked like a woman to her, though. She presented herself as butch, but she had long dark eyelashes and a short, thin body, as well as her high-pitched voice. But that voice tended to lower if she was very nervous, and people generally didn't seem accustomed to the sight of a short woman with prominent muscles. Her hair was short too, although Faria had always thought it was styled in a feminine way.

"I could've corrected him," Iris said. "I'd usually be a little confused about it too. I don't think I look that masculine. But I was more worried about you, and my mom. I didn't come out until you left. I wanted you to forget, but when you called me later I decided I should go see you the next morning. Kind of dumb on my part."

"I could have visited you," Faria replied softly.

Iris sighed. "That probably woulda been smarter. I wanted to see you soon, but...I should've known I wasn't ready to drive again."

"That accident _wasn't_ your fault," Faria insisted. "That car crashed into yours."

"Dad said so too," Iris said. "Mom's...Mom's in a coma. I can't really handle that reality. So I guess I can't reason with myself, either. I guess I had a panic attack while driving, and ended up crashing into the woods. I think I did it on purpose, but I don't remember why."

"Was it...were you..." Faria couldn't bring herself to say it out loud, but it didn't look like she needed to. Iris's eyes widened a bit, before her gaze lowered slightly.

"I don't know if I was trying to kill myself or what," Iris answered. "I don't even remember crashing. I just know I went into a panic attack, once I started thinking about Mom too much...I'm glad I didn't hurt anyone else, though."

Iris smiled, but Faria simply looked away in thought. If Iris had told her right away that she was in a car accident, Faria would have been able to visit and help her recover from the shock. Iris wouldn't have ended up in a panic attack while driving alone, and she wouldn't be in the hospital right now.

Faria turned her eyes back to her friend. "You should have told me. Why didn't you tell me?"

"If you saw me at the scene of an accident you would have lost it," Iris responded. "When Dad visited last night, he said you passed out when you saw me, and if--"

"I thought you were  _dead,_ Iris! Of course I passed out!" Faria was raising her voice, but she didn't seem to realize it. "This all wouldn't have happened if you had more faith in me!"

"What?" Iris leaned forward. "I never said I didn't have faith in you. I just didn't want you to worry too much."

"And because of that you just made me worry  _more_ because I didn't know what was going on!" Faria's voice started to crack. She never cursed, but at tines like this she felt like she would slip up. "You almost got yourself killed all because you thought I was too weak to handle that kind of information!"

Iris stared at her for a few seconds with her wide eyes, her mouth just a bit open. Faria realized her shoulders were hunched, and she let them relax with a sigh. "I'm...sorry. It's not your fault. But please don't feel like you need to hide anything for my sake."

Iris nodded, then fell back on her pillow. "Don't be sorry. You're right. I shouldn't be thinking of you that way. And we've known each other long enough to trust each other by now, right?"

"Do you want me to tell our friends what happened?" Faria asked, her voice softening.

Iris closed her eyes. "That's a good idea. You don't need to tell them about Mom, though. Just say I crashed my car and I'll be in the hospital for a little while."

"Got it."

After that, the conversation turned toward a much lighter topic, the roleplay group. The Ticket Master had already concluded, and the second prompt, Applebuck Season, was nearing its end too. Iris had been thinking up new ideas, based on what they'd established for world building.

"Kiara mentioned that she wanted her pony to be like a new girl in town," Iris said. "So maybe the town has a tradition she tries to take part in, but since she's new she's the only one without an assigned role."

"Well, have you read Veronica's stories?" Faria asked. "One of them had something called Winter Wrap-Up. It was really detailed and interesting, and cute. We could ask her to use that."

"But Twilight Sparkle is a really talented mage or something, isn't she? Couldn't she just use magic to clean up winter?"

"Hm, well...maybe not using magic is part of the tradition."

Iris grinned. "I'll ask them about it. But I wanna wait until I get out of this place." Her smile quickly faded, as she glanced up at the clock then back at Faria. "I don't know how long that'll take," she said, more softly. "And, honestly...I'm not sure I could ever drive again. How am I supposed to even get home?"

When Veronica and Janet spent a week together the month before, Janet had messaged Faria, seeking advice. Apparently, she gave good enough advice to help solidify a happy relationship between them. If Janet and the others trusted her enough to ask for advice, they would likely trust her enough to give it too.

"Can you make me a promise?" Faria asked.

"To you, I'd promise anything."

At that, Faria felt her face warm up, and she couldn't help smiling. "I want you to be able to confide in me, and all our friends. There's a real connection between all of us, I know it. I know I can trust them with anything, so you should, too."

"I already trust you," Iris replied. "I just have to remember that. And if you say those girls are trustworthy, then I trust them, too."

Faria looked up at the clock, and gasped softly. Somehow, she'd already spent four hours here. It didn't feel any longer than one. "I need to go back home now," she told Iris. "I'm going to tell everyone how you're doing, and I know once they have the chance they'll do everything to help you with whatever you need."

* * *

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** what?????? is she hurt???? i mean obviously she's hurt but is she alive????? is she awake????? does she have amnesia????? is she in a coma??????

 **Rarity is my muse:** stop for a second and take a deep breath. let Faria say what she needs to.

 **flutter:** iris is in the hospital recovering from a head injury, but she's awake and she has all her memories.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** a head injury???? does she have a concussion????

 **flutter:** i dont know,,, i admit i panicked when i saw her. she was bleeding. but her wounds are being treated right.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** where was she bleeding???? was her mouth bleeding???? did she break anything????

 **Rarity is my muse:** Bea maybe you should leave for a bit to calm down...

 **flutter:** iris is going to be fine. we agreed to let everyone know that she's in the hospital, so there's an explanation for her absence. but can i ask you all a favor?

 **Rarity is my muse:** if you're going to ask ALL of us a favor you should probably wait until more people are here to read it...

 **ciderseason:** Actually, I've been here the whole time. I just didn't know what to say.

 **flutter:** that's understandable,,,

 **gay witch:** hey guys, i think bea is having an anxiety attack or something and now she's clinging to me. she told me to check the server. so i know what happened now.

 **Rarity is my muse:** well, i suppose you can ask us that favor now.

 **flutter:** okay. i think iris is going through some kind of trauma because of the incident. she held off on telling me how she felt bc she didnt want me to be worried. but she realized she trusts me enough to confide in me, so i can help her recover from whatever she's going through. and she might need that kind of support when she returns. do you think you could do that?

 **Rarity is my muse:** of course. Iris is our friend.

 **ciderseason:** Exactly. I'll do whatever I can for my friends.

 **flutter:** that's so sweet,,,,

 **gay witch:** i know it sounds strange since we haven't known each other for very long but i really like all of you. i can already tell you're all good friends for me. and i trust iris, so i hope she trusts me too. i want to help her anyway i can.

 **flutter:** thank you so much,,,,,,,

 **gay witch:** also, bea says she wants to help iris because she cares, but before she can tell you that directly she has to calm down a little.

 **flutter:** that's fair ^^''

 **ciderseason:** Actually, Janet's visiting me pretty soon. As far as I know we don't live too far from you and Iris. Maybe you two could come along and spend some quality time with us.

 **gay witch:** aren't you dating?

 **ciderseason:** We're friends first and foremost. It's no inconvenience to be with our other friends.

 **Rarity is my muse:** that's right. i'd love to spend time with you and Iris.

 **flutter:** well, we don't know when iris will be discharged,,,but if we're lucky maybe we can all work something out.

 **gay witch:** wait so all four of you just live driving distance from each other? that's uncanny. don't tell me you all live near florida too.

 **Rarity is my muse:** well, Veronica lives in Ontario, I live in Maryland, and Faria, you live in Pennsylvania?

 **flutter:** yes. iris too

 **gay witch:** wow.

 **ciderseason:** It's less driving distance and more train distance. Those boys move way quicker.

 **gay witch:** well despite that i hope i can meet you all in person someday. after all, bea used to live in new jersey, so maybe we'll be nearby at some point.

 **Rarity is my muse:** it would be a pleasure.

 **flutter:** thank you so much,,,,

* * *

When Iris spent her first night in the hospital, Faria hadn't visited her yet. Even her father had only dropped in for a few minutes, since he was still burdened by the condition his wife was in. It was pitch-dark in her room, and the only noise came from the footsteps of the hospital staff in the hall. She felt so terribly alone.

Eventually she drifted off into a nightmare. It was just like the car crash she'd just been in, except her mother was with her, sitting in the passenger's seat. The crash happened suddenly, like the trees had sprouted out of nowhere. Iris didn't feel any pain, despite nearly being crushed by the tree falling on her car. Her mother, however, had been pierced all the way through her chest by a tree branch poking through the shattered windshield. It ripped down through her body, and as much as she wished she could Iris couldn't move her gaze away from the horrific sight. The worst part was that her mother was watching her too. Despite being slowly torn in half, she was turning to stare at Iris with dull, empty eyes, the only sign of life in her slow blinking.

The next night, Iris really did not want to fall asleep. After a few hours of straining herself in an attempt to stay awake, she fell asleep. She'd feared another gruesome nightmare, but those worries were washed away by the softness of her new dream.

It was very hazy and confusing. But a few things were very clear to Iris. Even though it was dark, she felt the sun's warmth washing over her. And she heard familiar voices. She couldn't quite make out all the words, only the most important: love, trust, believe, and safe. Somehow those words felt so healing. Although she couldn't clearly see them, she knew she was surrounded by people who loved her. Her parents, and all her friends. Not just Faria, but the four she'd never even met in person--Kiara, Janet, Veronica and Bea. 

Although it was a wonderful experience, it was still very odd. Iris had never had a dream that was so realistically and effectively serene. When she woke up in the same sun's warmth filling her room, she felt so relieved. Usually, she didn't give dreams a second thought, but this one really made her think about her friends, and the promise she'd made to Faria. A promise of trust and support. A promise of protection and friendship. Iris had always believed that Faria would be a kind and happy woman, and it seemed Faria believed in her to take better care of herself. 

She really wanted to talk to the others. Unfortunately, she couldn't use her phone or computer in this hospital. Iris glanced at the clock, and sighed upon seeing how early it was. She wanted to see Faria, and express her gratitude in person. She also wanted to know about their friends, and maybe communicate through Faria, to thank them as well.

Lately, Iris had felt pretty hopeless. She was pretty much an alcoholic at this point, and she could never get anywhere as far as accomplishing her dream of becoming a famous athlete. But her value was more than the way she felt. If so many good people saw her worthy enough of being a friend, that that must mean she was good for something.

Or maybe she was just incredibly lucky to know them at all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry. like i've said, i'm not good at ending chapters. the ending scene took like 6 tries before i found something that fit. i hope you enjoy my story regardless. thank you.


	4. Sleep On It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After figuring out that her girlfriend is sleep deprived, Bea does everything she can to fix it.

Lately, Kiara and Bea hadn't been able to spend too much time together. Bea worked at a bakery five days a week, and usually she spent the rest of her time with Kiara. But for a while now Kiara had been busy doing sonething on her own. She was searching for colleges to apply to. She'd done excellent while she was in middle and high school, so it wasn't being accepted that was the problem.

"You'd think since my teachers seemed to like me so much, I'd have gotten a scholarship or something by now," she told Bea one morning, as they were eating some cereal by each other on their bed. Kiara swirled her spoon around in the bowl, staring down at it. "But I guess they were just pretending to be nice to me, and they don't care if getting a degree puts me and my girlfriend in really lethal debt."

"Why do ya think that?" Bea asked, kicking her feet lightly against the side of the bed. "How would they know you want a scholarship? Can't you ask for one?"

Kiara sighed, and slid a spoonful of crunchy cereal in her mouth. After swallowing, she covered her mouth as she replied, "That's too pushy. I don't want to come off as greedy. I mean, no one wants to be thrown into debt because tuition's so high. I don't wanna take opportunities away from anyone."

Bea swallowed her own mouthful of cereal. Hers was soaked with milk, which left a refreshing feeling in her throat. "Do you really think getting a scholarship is going to do that?"

"I mean, think about it. Colleges need money to function, and if they give me a scholarship they lose a bit more profit. So the more scholarships they give, the less they can afford. So then they'll stop giving scholarships to people who need it." Kiara whirled her cereal around again, more quickly as she spoke. "And then everyone who hasn't gone to the college is going to be too poor to afford the tuition, so the college isn't going to make any money, and the college is going to lay off a ton of professors who really need the pay until the college has to close down. Basically, if I get a scholarship we won't have any debts, but if I don't then the college I go to will be around a little bit longer."

Bea hadn't ever gone to college, but she was pretty sure it didn't work that way. She didn't want to try and correct Kiara, though. Instead she asked, "How have you slept?"

"I haven't."

"Huh?" Bea raised her eyebrows. "We sleep in the same bed every night, don't we? I think I'd have noticed if you never came to bed."

"Oh, I do go to bed." Kiara glanced over at the back end of the bed. Usually the blankets were tucked under the pillow, but when Bea made the bed like she'd done today the pillow was hidden under the blankets. "I can't fall asleep. So eventually I just get up and start looking up colleges again. I guess you always fall asleep by then, though."

Bea's surprised look scrunched up into one of worry. "You can't sleep? When was the last time you slept?"

"What day is it?"

"Thursday."

"Um...three days, then." Kiara then kept eating her cereal, as if nothing was wrong.

Kiara's apparent sleep deprivation explained a lot. For the past couple of days she'd been rubbing at her eyes, and drinking a little more coffee than usual. Bea wanted to spend time with her, but Kiara was always saying she was busy. In fact, right now was the first time this week that they could actually have a conversation.

Bea couldn't imagine staying awake for so long, without so much as a nap. Even when she tried to stay up all night, she always passed out after enough hours had passed. Beds were just so soft and welcoming. How could Kiara deprive herself of that feeling?

Later that day, Bea managed to get Kiara's attention long enough to ask, "Do you like memory foam?"

"Memory foam?" Kiara raised her eyebrows as she looked over the black laptop she'd been staring at. "You mean like mattresses?"

Bea nodded. "And pillows. Do you like memory foam pillows?"

Kiara shrugged. "I...don't know. I haven't tried them in a while. Why?"

"No reason."

Kiara narrowed her eyes at her, before turning her gaze back to the laptop screen. Unfortunately, Bea wasn't good at being sly and subtle, but it seemed Kiara was too busy to think much of it. She didn't even flinch when Bea pulled a turquoise sweatshirt on and left the house.

By the time Bea returned, though, Kiara was in the kitchen. When Bea approached her she turned and smiled a little. "Uh, you didn't eat dinner while you were out, did you?"

"Why would I do that without you?" Bea replied, wrapping her pudgy arms around Kiara's thin torso. Thinner than usual. "Did  _you_ eat anything?"

Kiara held up a wooden spoon in her right hand, moistened by reddish-brown stains. "I'm still making dinner, why would I have eaten it?"

"No, I mean, like...did you have any lunch, or snacks?"

"No, but I had cereal with you this morning, remember?"

Bea sighed, burying the side of her head in Kiara's thick blue hair. "That's not a meal. You didn't even put milk in it."

"Well, I'm making chili. That should make up for it. Now let go of me, I have to get to the cupboard."

How lucky was this? Bea's plan hadn't even really started yet, and already things were looking up. Kiara didn't seem to know or care why Bea had left the house. Plus, Kiara was already trying to nourish herself again. As Kiara pulled some spices from the cupboard, she asked, "Where did you go, anyway?"

She'd prepared for that too. She was still wearing her sweatshirt, so she dug in the pockets and pulled out a simple pendant by its black string. "I got this. I really needed a new stimming pendant."

"That's it?"

"Well, I couldn't figure out where to buy that sorta thing at first. I could've ordered it online, I guess, but I didn't wanna wait too long."

That wasn't a lie. She really did need something to chew on to stim, or else she'd just be biting her nails or her lips. Kiara always hated when she did that, even though she was the one always picking at her skin. She glanced at the soft star shape dangling on the pendant, smiled, and went back to sprinkling spices. It was nice to watch. Chili was one of Kiara's favorite things to cook. Of course, they were still just two girls living in a small suburban house, and Bea was the only one with an actual job at the moment. They didn't have every single ingredient that would make chili its best, and alcohol was out of the question since they were both only twenty. Usually, all they had were spices and beans, plus some cheap meat and vegetables from the grocery store. Bea thought it always came out amazing anyway.

This time was no different. Kiara was really incredible. She hadn't slept at all for the past few days, but she still managed to mostly function as if she were fully awake, and she was able to still make her chili as good as usual. Today, though, she didn't seem too hungry. She'd seemed so at peace as she cooked, but now she just absentmindedly stirred the chili with her spoon, occasionally glancing up to meet eyes with Bea.

"Is something wrong?" Bea asked, before sipping broth from the bowl. She had a spoon, but she had a habit of forgetting it was there.

"I don't like this chili," she replied, staring down at her food in disappointment.

"Why not?"

"I think it's too bland. I didn't put enough seasoning in it."

That was strange. The chili Bea had was really hot and flavorful. It was almost overwhelming. Maybe Kiara's sleep deprivation took away her sense of taste? That was just a guess. Bea couldn't deprive herself of sleep even if she tried, so she couldn't imagine what it felt like.

Still, Kiara ate all the chili in her bowl, although it wasn't without reluctance. She was about to wash it in the sink when something tugged on her shirt. She glanced down to see Bea looking up at her, with her own empty bowl in her other hand. Once their eyes met Bea let go of her shirt. "I'll do it," she said, smiling a bit. "You should get rest."

"Why?" Kiara asked. She still let Bea take her bowl from her to wash. She knew Bea was worried about her health, so she didn't want to be  _too_ stubborn, but at the same time she couldn't ever fall asleep anyway. "I'm sure I'll sort out the college thing eventually. I can sleep all I want after that happens."

"No, you're going to get stressed so much that you're going to pass out at the worst possible time." Bea glanced over at Kiara before turning on the faucet. "Go take a break. If you're not gonna sleep go roleplay or something."

Kiara didn't really want to, but Bea was already starting to act like an exasperated housewife, so she didn't want to upset her further. It would be best for her peace of mind. Kiara nodded and headed to the living room. She knew if she used her laptop to go on Tumblr, she'd just end up getting stressed about college again, so she just sat on her feet in an armchair as she browsed through her phone.

She didn't feel like roleplaying, so instead she browsed through the blog at the posts already made. Sometimes it was fun to read the prompts that were already finished, like Applebuck Season. The one where Applejack had deprived herself of sleep in order to prove how capable she was of doing her job. It was funny how Twilight was the one who had criticized her for it, and now Kiara was depriving herself of sleep. But this was different. Kiara wasn't trying to prove a point to anyone. In fact, she had actually tried to sleep but it was no use. 

Sleep wasn't really the problem here. She was more worried about college. Once that went away, she would probably be able to sleep fine. She couldn't just wait for it to pass, but she didn't know how she would fix it. She didn't even know what she wanted to study. She was mostly interested in witchcraft, but she couldn't exactly get a degree for that. She wouldn't mind studying law, science or mathematics but she didn't know if she'd want to devote her education to it. One of the things Kiara was most worried about was wasting her education and not using her degree.

When she'd mentioned it to Bea, she said that she felt the same way, so she'd decided not to go to college at all. Kiara didn't blame her for making that decision, but she wanted to have  _something_ to her name, at least one degree. The other solution would be to get degrees in  _everything,_ but not only would that be dangerously stressful, it would still result in wasted time. If she ever succeeded in that she'd be in her seventies, at least, when she was done. Besides, she loved Bea too much to waste so much time away from her.

She considered asking their friends for advice, but they were all around the same age as her. It was doubtful they knew much about how to handle college.

* * *

**flutter:** i know so much about how to handle college

 **Rarity is my muse:** at your age...?

 **flutter:** i'm older than you,,,

 **Rarity is my muse:** yes, i know that, but 21 still seems a little young to have completed college

 **flutter:** i started college when i was 18, and getting a major in english only takes about two years

 **Big Buff Butch:** show-off

 **flutter:** i'm sorry, i was only trying to explain,,,,

 **Big Buff Butch:** i'm kidding, you're good!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** kiara likes reading, so maybe she'd like a career in writing too...maybe an english major would be up her alley

 **flutter:** should you really talk about her in third-person if she can read this later,,,

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** she's not here now, she's busy on our computer again, what do you want me to do??

 **Big Buff Butch:** what's she doing on the computer

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** she's having a midlife crisis at the ripe age of 20

 **Big Buff Butch:** can you be more specific

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** she's very stressed about starting college because not only does she not know how to pay for it she also has no idea what to even do with her education or what college to go to because she's afraid that she won't end up using whatever degree she gets and she could just not go to college at all like i did but she still wants to have a degree but she wants the degree to be worthwhile

 **Big Buff Butch:** first of all, mood. second of all, can't she just take multiple classes at once?

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** yeah but she thinks that it'll just end up wasting time

 **flutter:** that doesnt sound right,,

 **Rarity is my muse:** why would it waste time? even if she doesn't get a degree in something, all that really matters is that Kiara enjoys learning about it.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** that's true but shouldn't someone like her already know that??

 **flutter:** maybe she isnt getting enough sleep or something?

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** oh!! that could totally be what's wrong!! she hasn't been able to sleep in a really long time so she probably can't think straight!! the good news is i already have a plan to fix that!!

 **Big Buff Butch:**..........uh

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** but i can't tell you because it'll ruin the surprise if kiara checks the chat...

 **Big Buff Butch:** nyquil......?

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** no??? who do you think i am??? do you really think i'd just shove some sleeping pills in my girlfriend's mouth???

 **Rarity is my muse:** Kiara hasn't been very active lately...does she REALLY spend all that time worrying about college?

 **Big Buff Butch:** sleep deprivation does things to ya

 **flutter:** if talking to her about it doesnt work you should probably wait until she's well rested ^^'

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** okey dokes!! and you've been to college so you can probably give her some advice too!! this is great!!

 **flutter:** i'm not sure i can give her the advice she needs,,,but i can certainly try

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i will too!!! i'll stay up until i know she's asleep!!!

 **Rarity is my muse:** is that a good idea...? don't you have to work tomorrow?

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** if things go well it shouldn't keep me up too long!!!!

* * *

Bea fell asleep within an hour of going to bed with Kiara.

It was kind of amusing in hindsight. The poor girl was always eager to stay up all night to spend time with Kiara but she was definitely more of a morning person, so by now Kiara always expected her to fall asleep sooner than she wanted. She always knew just when it would happen, too. As soon as Bea cuddled up to her and closed her eyes she'd be out.

That was the only real reason Kiara bothered going to bed anymore, actually. If she'd lived alone, she'd give up on trying to sleep and just be on her computer all night or something. But she knew something about her helped Bea sleep better. So she'd concluded that the least she could do was make sure Bea was able to sleep first. Bea didn't seem to realize this, though. Before Kiara went to tie up her hair--it was too long to manage in bed without at least a few hair ties--Bea had told her that she would watch over her until she was sure she was asleep. If she knew why she always fell asleep sooner than she'd wanted, she probably would've had a different plan.

Even when asleep, though, Bea was able to trap her. Her head was tucked under Kiara's chin and her arms were loosely wrapped around her torso. Since they both usually wore shorts to bed, Kiara could feel Bea's warm bare legs messily entertwining with her own. She couldn't escape from this. She'd wake Bea up if she tried to squirm out of her embrace, and if she saw Kiara leaving bed she'd just pull her back.

At this point, Kiara wasn't sure she wanted to leave bed anyway. She felt so strangely comfortable right now. She pressed her head against the pillow. That was different, she realized. The pillow was different. From the way she sunk into it she recognized it was memory foam. Is this why Bea had asked her about memory foam? She didn't think much of it at the time, since she was mostly distracted, but this must have been her plan.

And before Bea approached her in the kitchen to hug her, Kiara had heard her come in through the front door and rush into their bedroom. She'd probably gone in there to change the pillow. Why would she be so discreet about it, though? When Kiara had asked why she'd gone out, she didn't mention this pillow at all. She couldn't have possibly forgotten about it.

Kiara's phone was sitting on the nightstand. Careful not to dislodge herself too much, she reached for it. The brightness on her phone's screen was already at its dimmest, so she didn't have to worry about suddenly flashing a bright light at her sleeping girlfriend. She swiped at her screen in vague directions until she was at their Discord server.

She hadn't actually posted anything in the past few days, so there were a lot of messages she'd missed. Bea had posted there, though. She'd been talking with their friends without her. It made Kiara a bit guilty. She was the one who had started this whole roleplaying thing, so it was really irresponsible of her to just be inactive all of a sudden. But judging by things they said, no one was angry or upset with her. They mostly talked about how their days were going. In the world-building, character and prompt channels there were new ideas that Kiara hadn't seen. Kiara had wanted to involve her pony in every prompt one way or another, so she'd have to catch up to fulfill it. 

For now, she placed her phone back on the nightstand. She felt Bea snuggle just a bit closer, and in response Kiara softly stroked her frizzy pink hair. She felt the faintest tremble of Bea's heartbeat. Something about this was so relieving. It reminded Kiara of how she felt when Bea had first confessed to her.

It had taken Bea forever to get the words out. She'd probably wanted to confess sooner. Thinking back on it, Kiara remembered the times during the week when Bea would catch her attention, then suddenly glance away in embarrassment as she changed her mind. And when they went out for dinner, their hands would brush against each other, and they both pulled away, avoiding each other's gazes and looking down for a few moments as they walked. One time, Bea accidentally gripped Kiara's hand in excitement, and they glanced at each other for a split second before Bea slowly let go, and her next few words trembled just a bit. Only on their last day together did Bea blurt out, "I don't want to leave." When she told Kiara she had a crush on her, she crossed her arms tightly as if she were restraining herself. Her eyes kept darting up at Kiara and then back down at the ground.

She clearly hadn't expected Kiara to jump toward her and hug her tightly. Kiara had realized in that moment that she loved Bea. She kissed her on the forehead--they'd always had a pretty significant height difference--then pulled away and muttered, "Sorry, I'll ask first next time."

"Next time? You're going to kiss me  _again_ _?"_ Bea still had a bright rosy tint in her face, but her eyes were wide in pleasant surprise. Her smile was so big and bright at the thought of kissing Kiara. That was cute.

Kiara was so lucky that such a good person was not only willing to be in a romantic relationship with her, but excited to do so. Thinking about that made her heart swell. She closed her eyes. She didn't really care whether she ended up sleeping or not anymore. She just wanted to be right here with Bea sleeping in her arms.

* * *

Bea's shift at the bakery started at nine, so she had to leave the house at eight-thirty. That meant she usually had to get out of bed as soon as she woke up. But when she squirmed a little and opened her eyes she felt two long, cold arms around her. Kiara's arms. She was asleep, finally.

She was afraid to disturb her. Kiara looked so peaceful when she slept. Her long, long hair was tied into a tight ponytail that fell over the side of the bed, all that Bea saw was her midnight blue bangs nearly covering her soft, closed eyes. It had only been a few days since Kiara was last able to sleep, but it felt like twice as long. Bea wanted to hug her out of pure joy, but that would wake her up.

It was inevitable, though. Even though she made sure to carefully step over Kiara, she still stirred and murmured something incoherent. She gripped the pillow weakly with one hand as she rolled over and opened her purple eyes. "What time is it?" she asked groggily.

Bea glanced over at their digital alarm clock. "It's seven-thirty. I'm only going to get ready for work."

"You're going to leave me here to sleep?"

"Only if you want to."

Kiara blinked slowly as she pulled the blanket closer to her. "You changed the pillow, didn't you?"

Bea nodded. "Do you like it?"

"How could you taunt me like this?" Kiara whispered, narrowing her eyes. "You pulled me into this bed, and now you're going to leave me?"

Bea leaned forward to whisper a reply. "I didn't pull you into bed. You made that decision yourself."

"How  _dare_ you?" Kiara tried to clench a fist, but she was still pretty tired, so she only managed so softly curl her fingers into her palm. "How dare you  _betray_ me like this?"

"You brought this upon yourself." Bea tried to give an evil smirk, but she just ended up giggling as she spoke. "I only--I only saw an opportunity and took it."

"You're a monster." Kiara wasn't trembling, but she probably wanted to prove her point, so she just shook her own hand erratically as she spoke through gritted teeth. "You've bested me for the last time, Beatriz Palomo. You  _will_ pay for this."

Bea planted her hands at the side of the bed and pulled herself toward Kiara. "How?"

Kiara's hand shot up in a sudden burst of strength as she grabbed Bea by the back of her neck. Bea stumbled before falling on top of her. She lifted her head and turned to look in Kiara's eyes, inches away. Kiara opened her mouth a little, then suddenly bit her lip in hesitation. "Uh, I was gonna kiss you, but then I realized you might not want to, and I thought it would be a good moment to suddenly surprise-kiss you but consent is really--"

Bea lifted herself up so she could pull Kiara closer and kiss her on the mouth. She stopped talking, and wrapped her arms around her. She accepted the kiss. When they pulled apart, Kiara fell back onto the pillow. "I'm still tired. I might go back to sleep. Is that okay?"

"Of course it's okay, that's why I got you a new pillow in the first place."

Kiara smiled, in that cute way she did sometimes where her tongue showed through just a tiny bit. "Thank you," she answered, and she looked like she wanted to say more, but she only pulled the blanket back over her mouth and watched Bea.

Kiara was still too sleepy to actually get up, but she wished she had a way to thank Bea just for being around. She really valued her, not just as a girlfriend but as a person. Just being in the same place made her feel a lot better. She loved her so much. But she couldn't really put that in the words she wanted, nothing expressive enough. And even if she did, it would probably distract Bea. She still needed to get ready for work. The last time Kiara said something sappy to her she cried and hugged Kiara really tightly, for what felt like a half hour but was actually just a few minutes. If that happened again she'd probably be late for her shift at the bakery.

She'd have to wait until she got home. Kiara closed her eyes, thinking of how she could properly express her gratitude until she drifted off into sleep again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the mlp movie cured my depression


	5. Role Model

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During the visit to Ontario to see Janet and Veronica, Iris forms an unexpected friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big fat thanks to my friend char (char-char-chan on tumblr) for proofreading this!!!! this took a while to finish because i had trouble with it being too clunky and awkward i hope it's decent
> 
> edit: fixed the weird spacing sorry about that mess

******flutter:** um,,,,iris,,,,i have some bad news  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** it's really nervewracking when u say things like that without cutting to the chase  
  
**flutter:** im sorry,,,i've been afraid to tell you though  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** does it have something to do with the trip to ontario  
  
**flutter:** it does,,,,i can't go i'm so sorry  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** why not did something bad happen?  
  
**flutter:** my parents want me to visit them again, and you know how they are with that kind of thing,,,,  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** oh that sucks....i hope u have a good time with ur parents though  
  
**flutter:** are you still going to go?  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** yeah  
  
**flutter:** how are you going to get there if you can't drive?  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** ill take a bus. i think i'll be fine as long as i'm not the one actually driving.  
  
**flutter:** i'm not sure,,,,you'll still be riding something that moves and that might be tough,,,,do you think you could take someone else with you?  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** i could just take a nap. in fact maybe i'll just sleep the whole way there. it's an overnight trip after all  
  
**flutter:** i guess so,,,i'm very sorry. i hope if we ever plan another visit i'll be able to go then.  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** maybe warn your parents next time?  
  
**flutter:** i could try, but, it's frightening. they're not the kind to yell at me or anything but i hate to disappoint them  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** yeah i get it. no worries. can we have video calls while i'm there?  
  
**flutter:** i'd like that ^^'

* * *

"A detour? Isn't she gonna take the train like she always does? How would she take a detour on a train?"

Veronica shared a bedroom with her brother, so if she wanted to stay up late she'd have to either be totally silent or leave the room so she wouldn't disturb Mac. Of course there wasn't much of a reason to ever stay up late anyway, but hearing her sister’s muffled voice through the wall intrigued her.  
  
The first thing she thought was that Megan was talking about Janet’s visit, but as far as Veronica knew, Janet wasn’t planning on making a detour for anything.  
  
Her thoughts stopped when she heard Megan speak again. "So what, is she driving her car this time just to go through Philly? That's gonna take forever...Lord, I'm never gonna see her and my sis make out." So this was about Janet, wasn’t it? Veronica blushed, part of her embarrassed that Megan thought of her and Janet that way, and part of her concerned that Megan also wanted to see it happen. "Oh, a bus? There's really a bus that comes all the way from Maryland? That's silly, though, why would she pick a bus over a train?"  
  
Veronica was wondering that herself. She tiptoed out of her bed into the darkness so she could reach the computer. It was only asleep, so she didn't have to wait for it to start up. As suspected, when she checked Discord, she had some private messages from Janet.

* * *

**Rarity is my muse:** Faria told me something came up and she can't come...Iris can still make it though  
  
**ciderseason:** So you're gonna pick her up?  
  
**Rarity is my muse:** not exactly. i've arranged for a train to Philadelphia, so i can meet up with Iris there. then we'll go to our destination together, probably on a bus.  
  
**ciderseason:** Iris lives in Philadelphia, huh?  
  
**Rarity is my muse:** no, but she's close enough. she said she didn't mind going there by foot. i know i would certainly mind.  
  
**ciderseason:** Well, she was just released from the hospital a couple weeks ago. She probably still doesn't want much to do with cars.  
  
**Rarity is my muse:** i don't think it'll take much longer than planned to get to Ontario. maybe one more day at most, but it will probably be just a few hours.  
  
**ciderseason:** Good to know.  
  
**Rarity is my muse:** i'm off to bed. you should probably get some rest too.  
  
**ciderseason:** Will do. Good night.  <3  
  
**Rarity is my muse:** good night, darling.  <3

* * *

"For someone who calls herself big and buff, you're quite small."  
  
As Janet smirked, she watched Iris pout at her. It was always cute when short people pouted, and Iris, with the short red hair framing her slightly rounded face, was no exception.  
  
Iris proceeded to flex. "Being five-two doesn't mean I'm not buff."  
  
"I'm joking," Janet chuckled, just before the rushing clamor of the train filled her ears. She'd just gotten off in Philadelphia, and she immediately recognized Iris. "I have wicked red hair and a crutch" was what she'd been informed. Of course, Iris didn't mention how short she was.  
  
"I'm older than you," Iris told her sternly, leaning her left elbow on her crutch as she extended a hand to Janet. "Don't forget."  
  
Janet glanced at the small, open hand. Dusty brown with a faint red mark down the middle. "Won't it be hard to walk if I hold your hand?"  
  
Iris glanced down at her crutch before pulling her hand away. "Right, uh...just follow me, then. There's a bus stop close by."  
  
The way they walked in silence was strange. Janet had imagined talking a lot about things they'd talked about online, or their pony characters.  
  
Her sister, Carrie, drew ponies. She was only twelve, so they weren't very good, but Janet loved them anyway.  
  
"I made my own pony named Sweetie Belle," Carrie had said excitedly, "and she's Rarity's little sister and she likes to sing. I told Megan and Vicky they should make their own ponies too."  
  
Victoria's pony was interesting. A little pegasus named Scootaloo who couldn't fly, but she was extremely good at scooter stunts. Janet thought of Iris. She would certainly like it.  
  
"Once we've met up with Veronica," Janet said, "I'd like you to meet my sister and her friends, too. Is that alright?"  
  
Iris shrugged, not looking away from what was in front of her. "I guess. I mean, I like kids, I just don't think I'm good with them."  
  
"Carrie's twelve," Janet replied, "and so is Megan. Victoria's thirteen. They're older, so I'd think they'd be easier to talk to."  
  
"Probably, but, I'm definitely not a good influence." Iris stopped on the sidewalk, and looked over at Janet as she halted her own steps. "I don't know if you know this, but...I'm an alcoholic. And I kinda wish that I wasn't, but I also feel like I'm okay with that kinda dependency. And I know I don't want kids to end up like me."  
  
Janet responded with a gentle smile, outlined by her deep red lipstick. "If you know it's not good, that's already a step in the right direction. I don't think you'll hurt any children."  
  
Iris shrugged again, and they continued their walk in a comfortable silence.

* * *

Veronica had been typing away at her computer for a few hours. She’d been very engrossed in her work, which involved writing fanfiction about Applejack, but a long-anticipated knock on the door was enough to force her attention elsewhere. She’d just barely remembered to save her work before rushing over to the front door. Veronica hadn't brushed her hair or changed out of her pajamas, but she wasn't worried about that. She just wanted to see Janet again.

  
Janet, of course, was stunning as ever. Presumably, she'd spent the night on the bus--it was an overnight trip, apparently--but ignoring a few tiny flyaways her hair was still as lush and beautiful as ever. Her glossy red lips curved into a smile when Veronica opened the door, and they released a soft gasp as Veronica pulled her in for an embrace and a gentle kiss on the top of her head.  
  
When Janet was freed, she giggled. "Is that going to be your way of saying 'good morning?'"  
  
"Sure, if that's whatcha want." Veronica glanced around through the doorway. "Ain't Iris with you?"  
  
Janet's starry blue eyes widened, as they looked aside at something. "She...she's here."  
  
Veronica followed her gaze just before, on cue, the short muscular girl popped into their view. Little stray leaves and specks of dirt clung to her ripped shorts, but Veronica only caught a glimpse of it before the woman promptly fell forward. Janet jumped over to stop her from hitting the ground. "Gentle, darling. Where's your crutch?"  
  
The woman pointed towards the big bush sitting in front of the house. "Sorry," she muttered, glancing up at Veronica with her narrow eyes. "I thought it would be funny to make a dramatic entrance and sort of forgot that I have a broken leg."  
  
Janet beckoned Veronica with dark nimble fingers, so she walked over to hold Iris up against her sturdy body as Janet reached into the bushes for Iris's crutch. Veronica was much taller than Janet, and she chuckled when she saw Iris's eyes widen for a second. "You're a lot shorter than I thought you'd be, Iris," she remarked.  
  
Iris looked away, sighing in exasperation as she held onto Veronica's pudgy arm. "I _know_ . Not every strong lesbian is going to be a giant, Veronica."  
  
They discussed the plans for the week. Originally, Janet was going to stay with Veronica while Faria and Iris rented a hotel room. Of course, since Faria wasn't here this time, that would have to change. There was no way Veronica would be able to keep both girls in her house, and eventually they decided that Iris and Janet would stay at Janet's parents' home. It wasn't that far from Veronica, but Veronica still felt disappointed.  
  
"I was really lookin' forward to serving you breakfast," she told Janet with a bashful smile. "Or whatever it is girlfriends do."  
  
Janet covered her mouth with one hand. From the way she glanced down, Veronica figured she'd be blushing if her skin wasn't so dark. Iris giggled a bit, gripping her crutch with one hand as she brushed through her bright red hair with the other. "If you wanna spend time with Veronica," she said, with a playful smirk, "that's fine with me. You can even sleep over if you want. I don't want you to lose your lovey-dovey time just 'cause I'm here."  
  
"Lovey-dovey time?" Veronica repeated, crossing her arms. "What's that s'posed to mean?"  
  
"Well, I dunno what you do behind closed doors." Iris shrugged. "I mean, are you at the making-out stage or are you sticking with lip-kissing?"  
  
Janet glared at Iris for a second, but her eyes softened when Veronica started to laugh. Seeing the dimples on Veronica's cute, well-padded cheeks, Janet started to giggle too. Veronica looked up at Iris. "First Megan, now you! Everyone seems to think it's all 'bout making out!"  
  
"Oh, right." Janet tapped Iris on the shoulder as she spoke. "Are you sure you'd be okay staying at that house by yourself? I know you said you don't know how to treat children, and my sister Carrie has her friends Megan and Vicky over a lot."  
  
"So what? Doesn't she still live with your parents?"  
  
Janet nodded. "She does. But they like to go out often."  
  
"I get it. Everyone's gonna be busy falling in love. Don't worry, I'm not gonna kill 'em or anything."  
  
Veronica headed back through the front door. "Well, what's the plan? Are you gonna come in or are you gonna head to Carol's first?"  
  
Janet reached Veronica's hand and lifted it to her lips. "I promise, darling, I'll be back to have dinner with you. But I'd like to see my sister first."  
  
Veronica smiled, nervously glancing up at Iris. She was afraid of making things awkward, but Iris was only watching with admiration. "No problem. But I think Megan is over there, so would you do me a favor and bring her back for dinner?"  
  
Janet smiled at that, releasing Veronica's hand--which now bore a faint red lipstick stain--and turning to Iris. "Oh, perfect. If Vicky is there, you can meet all three of them at once."  
  
Sure enough, when Janet and Iris opened the door to the house, they were greeted with the sight of three girls sitting on the carpet in the living room. It looked like they'd been playing a board game, but their attention was pulled away at the sound of the door opening.  
  
Carrie was the first to jump up and hop over, her dark chubby arms outstretched. "Janet, Janet!" She grinned, a beautiful white smile with a charming gap on the bottom. She wrapped her arms around Janet's waist, the side of her head buried in her stomach. For a twelve-year-old, she was rather short. Even with her fluffy lavender hair on the top of her head, she was still only about four and a half feet tall.  
  
Megan and Vicky waved at Janet, then looked over at Iris. "Who's that?" Megan asked.  
  
"My name's Iris," she answered, giving the girls a small awkward smile. "Janet says I can stay here with her for the week."  
  
At this, Vicky let out a small gasp and smiled, but her apparent surprise quickly faded once Megan gave her a puzzled look. "Y'alright, Victoria?"  
  
Vicky closed her purple eyes as she nodded. She glanced at the wheelchair sitting beside the sofa. Iris looked down at her cast.  
  
"Is it my leg?" Iris asked. "That's nothing, it'll heal in a couple months or so."  
  
Janet and Iris went over to sit on the sofa as Carrie hurried back to her friends. They all looked up at Iris. "How'd you hurt it?" Megan asked.  
  
Iris wasn’t sure exactly how to begin. “Well, I had to go see my friend Faria because…” She tried to recall what exactly happened that led her to drive to Faria’s cottage that morning. It was the day before that when she’d been driving her parents to lunch. The memory was so vivid, somehow blocking everything else away. The ear-piercing sound of metal colliding louder than any scream she may have felt, followed by an echo. Her heart was violently beating, she was paralyzed, watching her mother lying still. That strong smell of smoke filling her throat was nauseating, but she couldn't run away anywhere, she was trapped in this car with her dead mother, and she was going to die too, her heart was going to burst any second--  
  
It started to fade back into unintelligible static, and Iris realized she hadn't been able to breathe. She closed her eyes and inhaled sharply, the smoke no longer in the air, then let it out slowly. She felt a metronome against her, letting her breathe freely again. When her lips parted, she felt a drop of something salty fall through. Her cheeks were wet. Something cold gently brushed them away.  
  
"Can you hear me, Iris?"  
  
Iris nodded at the soft, deep voice. Who did it belong to? Why didn't she know?  
  
"Can you breathe?"  
  
Iris lifted a hand to her chest, now slowly rising and falling, and nodded again.  
  
"Do you remember where you are?"  
  
Iris tried, but all she could think of was that car. She started to tremble a little, and shook her head.  
  
"You're with me, Janet. Do you remember me?"  
  
Right, Janet. Janet had brought her somewhere. Iris nodded, and Janet continued.  
  
"I took you to my younger sister's home. Her name is Carol, but I call her Carrie. You're staying in this house for the rest of the week. I am also staying, but since I'm dating Veronica, I'll occasionally stay with her as well."  
  
Iris blinked, and though it was blurry, she knew she was back in that living room. The girls were gone, but Janet was sitting beside her, grasping her sweaty hand. How much time had passed? Sunlight still filled the room, she knew because of the warmth shining on her bare arms. She'd only been talking about how she hurt her leg. Why was she so dizzy and sweaty right now?  
  
Janet lowered her cold, dark hand to touch Iris's, but Iris pulled away. This was pathetic. Janet was probably thinking that Iris was a disastrous freak. It was just a car accident. Iris's mother wasn't even dead. Why had she even thought that? It was clear by now that her mother was in a coma. In fact, she'd already started to recover, even if she was still unconscious. But something in the corner of Iris's mind she thought her mother was dead. And now she couldn't even bear to imagine driving a car again. That was so stupid.  
  
"What the fuck is wrong with me?" Iris muttered, her voice hoarse and shaky.  
  
Janet flinched. She must have heard Iris, but she didn't acknowledge the words. "W-would you like some water?"  
  
Iris nodded, and she felt the weight beside her leave as Janet got up from the sofa. Iris's vision was clearing, and her tears felt like they were drying up, so she glanced around. The wheelchair was where it was before. The unfinished board game was still on the floor, barely disturbed except for a few pieces knocked on their side. And Iris's crutch was lying on the floor instead of leaning against the armrest. She swallowed the lump in her throat and looked over her shoulder at Janet. The kitchen was attached to the living room, so she could see her filling a paper cup with tap water at the sink. "Did I make a mess?"  
  
Janet looked back at Iris as she turned off the faucet. "What do you mean?"  
  
"Some things are knocked over."  
  
"Oh..." Janet didn't say anything until she'd returned to sit beside Iris and handed over the cup, which Iris grasped with both hands. It felt cold and fresh. She sipped it as Janet spoke. "It seems like you were having a panic attack. And you kicked a little with your good leg. You probably didn't realize it, though."  
  
Iris swallowed some of the water as she looked away, cheeks hot. "That sounds so embarrassing," she mumbled. "What did the kids do?"  
  
"They were quite worried. I told them to go upstairs." Janet gestured to the wheelchair. "And I suppose Vicky didn't want to go through the trouble of having someone wheelchair her upstairs, so she tried to run, but from what I saw it looks like Megan and Carrie ended up having to carry her."  
  
"Are they still upstairs?"  
  
"They are." Janet then looked back at Iris, gently moving her head to face her. "I'm sorry, Iris. If I'd known it was such an awful experience for you I would have stopped them from asking."  
  
That's right. Janet probably didn't know exactly what had happened. The only one Iris had told directly was Faria, and from what Iris could tell, she'd only mentioned that Iris was injured from a car accident. "It's fine," Iris replied, her voice a bit more stable than before. "It's my bad, really. I could've just said I didn't wanna talk about it. I'm just hoping the kids aren't too scared to talk to me now."  
  
"Oh, nonsense. They were just worried about you, they wouldn't think any less of you."  
  
Janet proceeded to show Iris around the house. It was two floors, with all three of the bedrooms upstairs. There was also a room with a TV, board games, and other fun things that the girls were playing in. The door was open, but they didn't seem to notice Iris and Janet.  
  
"This one is the guest room." Janet gestured to an opened door to a small, dark room. "This is where I sleep when I stay over, but if you like you can use it instead."  
  
"Are you sure?" Iris asked. She wouldn't mind the bedroom itself. From what she could make out in the darkness, the bed was clean and comfortable and there was enough space for Iris's belongings. But the bed was too small for her and Janet to share unless they were extremely close to each other. Iris didn't know Janet well enough to do that, and her injured leg didn't help either. "Where would you sleep?"  
  
"The sofa," Janet replied. "Or, I could just spend the night at Veronica's. Unless you think you'd be more comfortable on the sofa." She shrugged, and smiled. "I've never had to wear a cast on my leg, so I don't know what would be best." Then she blinked, her blue eyes lowering to something behind Iris. "Although..."  
  
Iris turned to follow Janet's gaze. Victoria had approached them quietly. She winced a little, glancing down at her legs. "S-sorry," she muttered. "I was only gonna go down to get my wheelchair. Are you okay, Iris?"  
  
"No worries," Iris responded, grinning at her. Since Iris was so short, they were at about eye level now that Victoria was standing on her feet. "Sorry for scaring you."  
  
Janet cleared her throat. "Vicky, do your legs hurt if you lie down?"  
  
Victoria looked up at Janet and shrugged. "Why would they? I wouldn't be moving."  
  
"You don't move in your sleep?"  
  
"I dunno."  
  
Iris saw Victoria clasping her hands together and looking away. She turned to Janet. "I think I'll be okay in a bed," she said. "I could always switch with you if I needed to, yeah?"  
  
"That's true."  
  
Victoria walked past them rather swiftly as she started downstairs. Iris watched, and looked back at Janet. "Hold on a sec."  
  
Using a crutch while walking downstairs was pretty uncomfortable, but by the time Iris got down to the living room Victoria still hadn't gotten her wheelchair. Instead, she was folding up the board game while sitting on her feet. She flinched when she heard Iris approaching, then relaxed again.  
  
"Sorry," Iris said, bunching her shoulders in sheepishness. "Didn't mean to startle you. Need help with anything?"  
  
"Uh..." Victoria looked back down at the board game she was cleaning up, then at Iris's cast, then back up to Iris's eyes. "I was just gonna clean this up. I don't mind sitting on the floor to do that. But your leg's hurt, so..."  
  
Iris sighed. "Y'know, I've only had this thing for a few weeks but it drives me nuts. At this point I wanna just toss my crutch in a lake and learn to walk with a cast. I might as well sit with you, kid."  
  
"Oh!" Victoria's eyes widened, then softened again as she went back to putting the game pieces in a box. "O-okay."  
  
Iris dragged herself over with her crutch, then leaned it against an armchair. She immediately fell backward, but planted her hands behind her in time to prop herself back up. Her working leg was tangled into the injured one. Iris pulled it underneath her, leaving the cast poking out.  
  
Victoria was giving her a concerned stare, and grimaced. "Doesn't that hurt?"  
  
Iris shrugged. "It's not my favorite position, but I'll live. I'll straighten up these cards."  
  
She piled up all the plastic cards scattered around the edges of the board. It seemed like they belonged to different categories, from the backs of the cards. Iris silently filed out each card and sorted it into its own pile with cards with similar backs.  
  
"Do you like My Little Pony?"  
  
Iris looked back over at Victoria, waiting expectantly with wide, curious eyes. Iris turned her eyes back to the cards as she smiled. "Yeah, I like it. I watch it with my best friend sometimes. Why do ya ask?"  
  
"Well, uh..." Victoria cleared her throat. "This sounds kinda weird, but...I saw pictures of you on your blog."  
  
Iris stopped and pulled her head back up. What pictures? What was a kid like her doing on her blog? "You mean, like...selfies?"  
  
Victoria nodded and smiled. "Yeah, your selfies. So I recognized you from those pictures. And on the blog I saw you mention Equestria Roleplay..."  
  
Victoria was only thirteen, and Iris was twenty-one. She didn't post anything terribly inappropriate on Tumblr, but she wasn't sure how she felt about someone so young looking at her blog. "Do you...have an account?"  
  
Before Victoria could answer, a yelp came from up the stairs. Iris tilted her head back to see Janet peeking over the railing, clutching her mouth overdramatically. She lowered her hand to speak. "Iris, you can't do that! You need your crutch!"  
  
Iris wasn't able to talk more with Victoria, due to Janet insisting on keeping her safe. By the time Iris was by herself in the small guest room, Victoria and Megan had left, and Janet was making lunch. Iris decided to check the Discord server.

* * *

**I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** HEWWO???  
  
**gay witch:** are you going to do that every time someone comes online  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** if hewwo speak becomes a thing in this server i'm leaving for good  
  
**I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** that's harsh.  
  
**ciderseason:** Hey Iris. I forgot to tell everyone you're secretly really short and your Discord nickname is a lie.  
  
**gay witch:** sdsggefaf really? do you want me to change it to small buff butch?  
  
**I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** YOU CAN DO THAT??  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** please dont  
  
**gay witch:** what is your height?  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** ..........5'2"  
  
**gay witch:** oh.....that's so small....  
  
**I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i'm smaller!! i'm five feet tall!!  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** jesus that is small  
  
**I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** you're surrounded by tiny lesbians, kiara!!!!  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** speaking of small girls, uh. is there like. an age limit to our roleplay?  
  
**gay witch:** well, you have to be at least 13 to have a tumblr account, so there's that. i think the roleplay itself is pretty appropriate for all ages. it doesn't look like we've used any curse words.  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** yeah like. i know tumblr is like a cussing playground but it doesn't feel totally right acting like that in a my little pony roleplay lmao  
  
**ciderseason:** You just said "lmao"  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** this is discord it doesn't count  
  
**gay witch:** yeah the server is probably another thing altogether...as for tumblr i don't care who joins as long as they behave  
  
**ciderseason:** Wait, did you see my sister's pony character? Because she's only twelve.  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** you mean megan? she has a pony character?? i gotta check that out omg  
  
**ciderseason:** Yup, her name's Apple Bloom.  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** her friend victoria knows about my blog, somehow. and she knows about eqrp. and she's 13, which is barely old enough to have a tumblr account but it's possible right? and i know she likes my little pony so.....  
  
**gay witch:** if you want to invite her go ahead.  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** i kinda do but uh. so far everyone in this rp is 20-21 years old. idk how a 13 y/o would feel interacting with a bunch of grown women  
  
**ciderseason:**  She doesn't have to be in the server.  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** yeah i guess but we can't just completely ignore her if she talks to us  
  
**gay witch:** if it makes you feel better maybe we could wait for younger people than us? not as young as victoria but like, mid to late teens?  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** i guess so but if she says she wants to join i wouldnt want to deny her that  
  
**gay witch:** seems fair.

* * *

After Janet brought Iris to the kitchen--she was apparently very concerned about Iris accidentally dropping her crutch or falling down the stairs--they sat down with Janet's little sister at the quaint dining table. Carol kept glancing up at Iris and then away again as she ate without speaking, even when Janet prompted her to.  
  
"Did I cook it okay?" Janet asked, seeing Carol take tiny bites out of her grilled cheese. "I don't usually make this sort of food. Is it burnt?"  
  
Carol shook her head. Glancing back at Iris, she started taking bigger bites, and more quickly until Janet noticed and told her to slow down. Once Carol finished, she quickly uttered a soft "thank you" as she rinsed her dish in the sink and hurried out of the kitchen. Janet looked after her with bewildered eyes, then turned back to face Iris.  
  
"She's not normally so quiet," Janet told her.  
  
Iris shrugged. "Well, it's probably not easy eating lunch with a complete stranger who you watched have a mental breakdown as soon as you met her."  
  
Janet sighed as she poked through her small salad with a fork. "Oh, Iris, that's done now. No one's going to hold anything against you."  
  
"I never said that. But this is sorta what I was afraid of. I didn't wanna scare away the kids."  
  
After a quiet moment of eating, Janet responded, "What about Vicky?"  
  
"What about her?"  
  
Janet gestured to her phone, sitting by the edge of the table. "I read the Discord server briefly before I fetched you. If Vicky wants to be a part of the roleplay, she probably isn't very afraid of you at all."  
  
"I don't know if it's like _that,_ " Iris replied. "I think maybe I was thinking too far ahead. I only talked with her a little."  
  
Janet shrugged. "Well, we'll see how it turns out eventually. For now, just don't worry so much about scaring the girls."  
  
"Easier said than done."  
  
"...Right." Janet narrowed her eyes as she stroked a single finger through one of her big violet ringlets, straightening it for a second before it slipped through and bounced back into place. "It's more of an anxiety thing, then?"  
  
"I guess," Iris said. "I know I said I'm not super great with kids, but I still sorta care about what they think of me, you know?"  
  
Janet nodded. "I can tell you that they don't see you as anything but a regular person, but anxiety doesn't tend to listen to reason, does it?"  
  
"I'm glad _you_ understand, at least," Iris said, smiling a little. "Even if my anxiety is right on this one, I can trust you."  
  
"Oh, of course. I'm your friend." Janet's bowl was empty by now, so she stood, her chair sliding back a bit, to carry her bowl and fork to the sink. "Do you need any help getting upstairs?"  
  
"I think I got it," Iris answered, letting Janet take away her own plate as she pulled herself onto her crutch. She left the kitchen and was on her way upstairs when she heard a girl's voice.  
  
"...yeah, she's still here."  
  
It sounded like Carol. It couldn't really be anyone else, considering Janet and Carol were the only other ones in the house right now. But Carol sounded like she was talking to someone. Probably on the phone.  
  
"What about your parents?" Carol's voice continued. "They'd let you come over twice in a day? ...Are they ever home? Who even made you lunch? ...Oh, really? That sounds nice...well, my sister doesn't make as good lunches as Megan's family, or whoever does their cooking...she's staying for the week, I think...talking to her makes me nervous, though..."  
  
Carol wouldn't refer to Megan in the third person if she was talking to her, so she was probably talking to Victoria. Who made her nervous? Was she talking about Iris? Iris kept listening.  
  
"Well, I dunno if Janet would be okay with having you come _again_. And then there's your parents...Are you sure Iris is gonna be okay with that?"  
  
It seemed like Victoria was wanting to come over again to see Iris. Maybe for another chance to talk about Equestria Roleplay. But Iris was still on the fence about it. The current roleplayers were all much older than Victoria. It would be pretty awkward for the both of them.  
  
"Victoria? Are you there?" That last question was followed by a sigh, then silence. It seemed like Carol was hung up on. Maybe Victoria wasn't visiting after all, at least not today. That was probably a good thing. Iris needed some time to herself for now. Maybe she'd call Faria.

* * *

Someone was home.  
  
Victoria had already ended the call with Carol and hid the phone under a blanket. She held her breath as a set of footsteps approached her door.  
  
The steps lingered. Victoria didn't make a sound.  
  
_Don't come in. Don't come in. Don’t come--_  
  
The door flew open, the noise leaping up in Victoria's heart. "Have you finished your homework?" asked the woman standing there, smiling sweetly.  
  
Victoria nodded quickly. If she spoke, it wouldn't be convincing. But it didn't work either way. Her mother's eyes narrowed.  
  
"Tori, sweetie, don't lie to me. You know what happens if you don't do your reading."  
  
All that really could happen was that Victoria would get a single zero for the assignment. It wouldn't be too big of a deal. But she didn't dare say that out loud.  
  
"Well, I'm going out again. I just popped in to get some of my paperwork." She waved, and added, "There's leftovers in the fridge if you get hungry," as she pulled the door shut again.  
  
Victoria waited to hear the steps fade before pulling her phone back out. She didn't call Carol back. At this point, she probably already knew how paranoid Victoria got around her parents.  
  
On the bright side, they were always out somewhere, so Victoria could give herself a lot of freedom. Her parents had no idea she'd hung out with Carol and ate lunch with Megan. She wasn't sure her parents even knew she was friends with Megan and Carol.  
  
Victoria had called because she'd wanted to see Iris again. On her Tumblr account--her parents didn't know about that either--she'd been following the user _supersonicrainboom_ for a long time. She knew Iris's name and what she looked like from almost the beginning. It was partially a fitness blog, which meant Iris would sometimes post selfies to record her progress on certain goals. For some reason, it really excited Victoria to see someone grow like that, and that's why she followed.  
  
But Iris also made personal posts. She talked about her best friend Faria and she talked about My Little Pony. She promoted the Equestria Roleplay blog once it started. But some time after, she stopped posting altogether. Victoria checked the roleplay blog and saw a post by someone--Fluttershy's mun--that Iris couldn't post for a while.  
  
So Victoria was really relieved when she saw Iris that day. It was strange Iris hadn't been posting, but all that really mattered was that she was okay.  
  
Or at least, mostly okay. The panic attack she went into earlier that day was terrifyingly stressful to witness. But Victoria always thought of Iris as being tough as nails and very confident, and even after her episode, Iris still seemed so strong and wonderful.  
  
Victoria wouldn't mind getting used to stuff like that if she could become friends with Iris, and she knew right away how she could do that.

* * *

Iris didn't get a lot of Tumblr messages. She wasn't an extremely popular blog or anything, so she didn't get asked for advice about exercise. She didn't get messages about the roleplay either, since all her friends could just talk to her on Discord. The roleplay blog didn't get any messages at all.  
  
Until today. Well, it was technically a submission, but it was all the same to Iris. It was a form to join the roleplay.  
  
It had to be from Victoria, and Iris wasn't sure how to feel about that. She really liked the aspects of Victoria's pony, Scootaloo, but that just meant Iris had no excuse to deny her.  
  
Why did Victoria want in, anyway? She barely knew Iris. All she knew was that Iris was a mentally unstable lady who liked My Little Pony. That question was answered by a surprise a few minutes later: a message sent to Iris's blog.  
  
_Hey this might sound weird but I've been following you for a really long time and I love seeing your posts about your fitness goals. I also just really like everything about you in general. You're kind of a role model to me. I was worried when you stopped posting so I was really happy and surprised to see you with my friend's sister. Sorry if this is creepy. I didn't have the guts to tell you irl. -Victoria_  
  
The blog's URL was _neoncookie5002_ . It gave the exact vibe Iris would expect from a thirteen-year-old. Silly and juvenile. It wasn't a bad vibe, it was just a bit amusing.  
  
Iris was in the middle of typing a response when she reread part of the message. _You're kind of a role model to me._ Why? What about Iris and her alcoholism and her breakdowns was admirable? Ideally, no kids Victoria's age would look up to her in any way. Iris was the poster image of who parents _didn't_ want their kids to be. But she didn't tell Victoria this. It would be kind of heavy for the situation. Maybe tomorrow, Iris would ask Victoria for more info.  
  
But for now, Iris was going to be a big gossip in the Discord server and show everyone the message.

* * *

**Big Buff Butch:** @everyone hey guess what  
  
**gay witch:** if you're going to ping everyone in the middle of the night you can at least get to the point. i was sleeping  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** then turn your notifications off??  
  
**flutter:** i'm here,, ive kind of been up all night anyway haha  
  
**gay witch:** are things okay?  
  
**flutter:** yes. it's just that i can't really use my computer during the day with my parents around, they always want to spend time with me. which is fine and all, but i do still want to be left alone sometimes.  
  
**Big Buff Butch** : you'd think once their daughter's 21 they'd back off a little :/  
  
**flutter:** oh, but i don't want to change the topic. what did you want to say, iris?  
  
**gay witch:** yes please enlighten us as to why you pinged everyone in the middle of the night. i mean, there's only 6 of us. we'll all see it anyway.  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** you know that character submission we got? that's victoria  
  
**gay witch:** who?  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** you were there when i said who she was  
  
**gay witch:** i'm tired, okay?  
  
**flutter:** is she the 13 y/o who's friends with veronica's little sister?  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** ye like i said i don't wanna reject her just cuz she's too young, i just. dont know how to feel about this. she sent me a message too  
  
**gay witch:** on your main?  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** _Screenshot_20180417-031310.jpg_  
  
**I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** that's!!!!!!! so nice!!!!!!!!!  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** aren't you like. right next to kiara rn  
  
**I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i just wanted to fit in.  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** mood i guess, anyway no offense but i'm the WORST person to have as a role model imho so idk how i feel about exposing her to me even more  
  
**gay witch:** if you feel that way you should tell her but i agree that we should let her rp with us regardless of her age, it's not like any of it is dirty  
  
**flutter:** i wouldn't say you're a bad role model,,,,  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** you're kinda biased arent you?  
  
**flutter:** i think you're really brave, and you care about your friends a lot, plus you know the things you don't like about yourself so i don't think you can influence children with those things,,, does that make sense  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** people always seem to say that  
  
**I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** it must be true then!!!!!!! plus you're hot!!!!!!!  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** ???????  
  
**I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** is it??? okay for me to say that you're hot???? you post a lot of selfies that's how i know  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** yeah but. is kiara okay with you telling girls they're hot  
  
**gay witch:** i'm right here, and i also think you're hot  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** jesus really  
  
**gay witch:** well. i guess. attractive is a better word i think  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** i hope victoria doesn't think i'm hot, i'm like twice her age and i don't wanna make things weird if she ends up rping with us  
  
**flutter:** she said you're a role model to her, i doubt there's any romantic feelings behind that  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** you could have a crush on ur role model tho  
  
**flutter:** not in this case, i dont think  
  
**gay witch:** just talk to her. you still have the rest of the week, right?  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** yeah i totally will, i'll probably see her tomorrow  
  
**gay witch:** yeah don't make her wake up at 3:30 in the morning  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** okay jesus i get it i won't @everyone again  
  
**gay witch:** iris.  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** shit  
  
**gay witch:** i'm a discord expert now i can make a role specifically so that you're not able to do that  
  
**Big Buff Butch:** for real though i wont do it anymore and if you wanna do that role thing that's valid  
  
**I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH** : okay!!!!!!! make sure to sleep!!!!!!!

* * *

If Iris took Victoria aside while she was trying to hang out with her friends, it would probably come off as really creepy and awkward, especially since Iris barely knew the kids. There wasn't any other way for her to see Victoria, though. She ended up asking Janet and Veronica as she had dinner with them.  
  
They'd invited her to a casual restaurant somewhere in the city. Iris was worried she'd be an annoying third wheel to them, but they assured her she was welcome to join their conversations.  
  
"Romance ain't just flirting and seducing your girlfriend all the time," Veronica had pointed out. "It's conversation, too. If we weren't able to talk to you and each other at the same time it wouldn't be too good of a relationship, right?"  
  
"Not that I mind being flirted with," Janet had added, before pecking Veronica on the cheek.  
  
Since everyone seemed to always keep up to date on messages in the Discord server, Veronica and Janet already knew about Victoria, so Iris didn't need to give an explanation before she asked, "Is there a way I can talk to Victoria alone without seeming creepy?"  
  
Veronica was resting her elbows on the table--it wasn't a formal restaurant, so she was allowed to do that--and her chin on her hands. "You can't just tell her right out that you wanna talk about the thing she sent ya?"  
  
Iris shrugged, swirling the straw in her soda absentmindedly, watching the ice cubes slide around the glass. "I guess, but I don't wanna make things awkward for her friends. I don't know if Victoria tells them this stuff."  
  
"I overhear their conversations sometimes," Janet said, "and Victoria never seems to mention you. At least, she didn't before she met you in person." She twirled a lock of violet hair around her finger in thought. "Even then, I'm not sure she says anything. I could be wrong, of course. It's not as if I go out of my way to constantly listen in."  
  
"Yeah," Iris nodded, "I heard Carol mention me when she was on the phone with Victoria, though. I'm not sure she got, like, any context about why Victoria was talking about me."  
  
"Either way, I suppose it's better to talk to Vicky alone anyway. I don't want to make Carrie and Megan feel left out of anything." Janet paused as the waitress arrived and brought their dishes. After they all thanked her, Janet waited for the waitress to leave before continuing. "We also ought to take her age into consideration, with regards to the roleplay. I think it would be smart to put some restrictions for her safety."  
  
"So no Discord for her?" Iris guessed.  
  
Janet shrugged as she sprinkled pepper on her potatoes. "I know in Discord you can restrict certain channels for certain members, so I suppose it could work out if we had a child-friendly channel of some sort, but she'll still be interacting with six grown women on a regular basis."  
  
"We could talk to her with you if ya like," Veronica suggested.  
  
Iris chewed a bite of her burger as she thought. "Yeah," she agreed, as she swallowed. "I mean, you guys are part of it too. It'd probably be better for her."  
  
The next day, as anticipated, Janet's parents were out of the house and Carol's friends came to visit. Iris was relieved to find that Victoria had a similar idea in mind; she told her friends she'd stay downstairs for a few minutes, then rolled her wheelchair over to the three women sitting on the sofa.  
  
"Um..." Victoria twiddled her fingers. "...hi."  
  
Iris didn't really know where to start either. She looked to her left at Janet and Veronica, silently willing them to initiate the conversation. As she'd hoped, Janet cleared her throat. "I'm glad you decided to join our roleplay, Vicky."  
  
Victoria nodded with a nervous giggle. "I, uh...it's cool how you three all happen to be part of it..." She raked thin fingers through her short, purple hair, averting her eyes.  
  
"Ya seem to like Iris a bunch," Veronica said. She glanced at Iris with an encouraging grin. Iris turned her eyes to Victoria, who was looking up again.  
  
Victoria opened her mouth, then closed it and put a finger to her cheek in hesitation. Iris decided to speak so that she didn't have to. "I really appreciate the stuff you said, but I'm not sure I'm as cool as you think," she confessed.  
  
Victoria immediately shook her head. "No, I think you're really cool. You're really pretty and talented and strong and confident."  
  
"I'm not confident. That's just a façade that I show through Rainbow Dash."  
  
"No, it's not just that. I think you're really good at..." Victoria tapped her chin. "...living? I don't really know to put it. Maybe I'm just jealous."  
  
" _Jealous_?" Iris repeated, gesturing to herself. "Of _this_?"  
  
Janet chimed in. "Is it her fitness blogging?"  
  
"Yeah, sorta." Victoria crossed her arms and stared away again. "I'm not proud enough to take selfies or talk about my life and be so open like that."  
  
"You're also not a mentally unstable alcoholic," Iris muttered.  
  
Startlingly, Victoria instantly replied in a stronger voice. "I don't care if you're not as tough as you make everyone think. You're still alive and you're keeping yourself strong." After a pause, she added, "That's real sappy, isn't it?"  
  
Iris never really thought of it that way. Was the very fact that she was still alive enough to make her strong? It was kind of embarrassing for a thirteen-year-old to catch her thinking like this. She tried to change the subject, although she couldn't do it very seamlessly. "Are you okay with being in a roleplay full of grown women?" she asked.  
  
"I know I'm younger than everyone else." Victoria's tensed shoulders relaxed. It seemed she was eager to talk about other things, too. "I'm fine with it if you are."  
  
"Sick." Iris smiled, feeling herself ease up as well. "Did you need anything else?"  
  
Victoria shook her head, now grinning, and turned around to go upstairs to join her friends. It took a few minutes for her to get out of her wheelchair and lug it up the stairs, but then she was out of earshot, and Janet pulled Iris into a hug. "See? You're not such a bad role model after all."  
  
"Is it normal for little girls to make you feel good about yourself?" Iris asked with a chuckle.  
  
"Sure as spit," Veronica answered. "Megan's made me feel better about myself since she was a young'un. Not even her responsibility, she's just that precious."  
  
"I hope Victoria doesn't feel responsible for me." Iris wrung her arm around the handle of her crutch, resting against the armrest. "I don't wanna be _that_ person, y'know?"  
  
Still, Iris couldn't deny the happiness lighting up in her at Victoria's words. She'd really spent the last few weeks thinking that she was weak, worthless and pathetic when at the same time a hopeful little girl saw her to be strong and special. If Victoria really did see her as a role model, it was good motivation to improve herself so that Victoria, like a reflection, would grow with her.  
  
She could start by cutting out her negativity little by little. She'd said that she was a bad role model, but then she was proved wrong. Victoria's logic gave Iris a burst of confidence, and in her opinion, the first step to being a good role model was to share her good feelings.  
  
Later, Iris typed out a few messages to Victoria's Tumblr, but nothing seemed to fit. She had to say _something,_  though. Maybe for now, two words would suffice.  
  
_Thank you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the only reason i wrote this, really, is because scootaloo is listed on the actual equestria rp tumblr that steve made and i wanted to make this fic more accurate to their au i guess?  
> even though i had no issue with changing other things haha (e.g. bea being a lesbian instead of pan, and veronica not going by AJ at all)  
> hopefully the next story will go a lot more smoothly


	6. Take Me Home, Darling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiara has an awful realization. Bea is desperate to help her forget about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhh there was supposed to be a story posted before this one but i'm feeling kind of...Not Good right now so this here's a ventfic i wrote on a whim, ft. my comfort characters having my sadness projected onto them
> 
> tw for homophobia (including the d slur) and brief, slightly nsfw text. also kind of suicide attempt??? it could end up being interpreted that way

Kiara had recently been visiting different college campuses. She figured that the vibe of the college was pretty important if she wanted to do a good job setting up her future. So far, every place she'd gone to was very nice, full of kind welcoming people and a sense of cleanliness when exploring the buildings, as well as having a good reputation.

This one, though...Kiara knew of several very successful graduates from this college, so the education had to have been spectacular. Kiara had thought that this college would be the best one of all, yet as she walked around she felt more and more uneasy.

No one had spoken to her. No one was being friendly at all. The few times anyone looked at Kiara, it was with either a bored gaze or a stressed glance.

Maybe they were just so focused on their education, they had no time to socialize.

Kiara was still there during lunch, and she noticed activity pick up. Students started talking amongst themselves, and one girl even approached her with a smile. "I haven't seen you around," she said.

This girl was clearly a student, with a bulky black backpack hanging from her shoulders. She was only a little taller than Bea, and her youthful skin and freckles made her look like she'd just graduated high school. At first Kiara didn't understand why the girl approached her when she probably only knew a handful of other students, but then Kiara remembered she was six feet tall and had long brightly colored hair. She wasn't exactly forgettable.

"I've just been looking at different colleges," Kiara said, nudging her glasses. "I think if I actually visit a few I'll get a better idea of what I want."

The girl nodded. "I get it." She extended her hand. "My name's Aubrey. I can show you around if you like."

Kiara shook the hand. "I'm Kiara, nice to meet you. I don't need a tour right now, but I might ask you later."

"Cool!" Aubrey flashed another grin. "They let outsiders get food here, so you can go get some grub if you're hungry."

Kiara simply got a sandwich and sat alone at one of the smaller tables. She observed the other students and noticed Aubrey sitting with her friends. They were close enough so Kiara could make out some of the words.

Aubrey's bubbly demeanor changed when another girl sat nearby. She stopped talking for a few minutes, until the newcomer playfully pushed against the girl sitting next to her. Then Aubrey scrunched up her face and yelled.

"Don't even think about it, you  _dyke_!"

Kiara stiffened. Suddenly this nice, likeable girl was harsh and cruel, coldly glaring at her enemy, a scared girl paralyzed in humiliation. The other girls pulled away.

"A dyke?"

"Yeah, I saw her kissing some chick in the bathroom when they thought they were alone." Aubrey kept her eyes on the girl, whose mortified gaze fell to the floor.

"Who?"

"Dunno. They were really going at it, too. I wouldn't be surprised if she got an STD from biting some tongues. I wasn't gonna bring it up, but I'm not gonna let her start getting all over other girls."

The scared girl mumbled something, but no one else seemed to notice.

"I'm not sure I wanna finish my food," said one of Aubrey's friends, eyes narrowed in disgust.

Aubrey smirked. "Yeah, I getcha. Once you think about what Chelsey does in her spare time, everything tastes like shit."

Chelsey was crying. She stood up and ran off without a word, leaving her tray on the table.

"Yeah, stay away from us, dyke!" shouted one of Aubrey's friends.

Kiara didn't want to finish her food either. In her mind, she knew it wasn't bad to be in love with a girl. But she saw that no one else in the area seemed to notice Aubrey's words. They just kept eating. Some turned their heads, but then went back to their food like nothing was wrong.

Just how many other kind people could end up turning away from Kiara in disgust at her love for Bea?

Just how often would people be so tolerant of that disgust that they'd treat it like a small commotion?

The pit in Kiara's stomach twisted into bile, and she shoved her plate into the trash before fleeing the campus with wet eyes.

* * *

Bea had been alone at the house for a while. She'd expected Kiara to be home when she finished her work day, but she found nothing. She knew Kiara was checking out a college campus today, so she texted her to ask when she'd be home, then looked at the Discord server. Kiara wasn't there either.

After a few hours, Kiara still hadn't responded. It was pretty late in the evening now. Bea was getting worried, so she called. Surprisingly, the phone was picked up.

"Kiara?" Bea asked right away. "Did you miss my texts?"

There was a pause, then a young voice that wasn't Kiara's. "Who is this?"

It wasn't what Bea expected, but it was familiar. It was Damian's voice, Kiara's young half brother. "It's Bea," she answered. "Why do you have Kiara's phone?"

"Oh, okay. I wanted to make sure. I'm actually...she asked me to pick up if you called."

"Huh? Is she with you?"

"Well...kinda."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Bea demanded. "How is she  _kinda_  with you? Did you kill her or something?"

Bea was only joking, but her confused and concerned tone probably made it a lot less obvious. "No!" Damian exclaimed quickly. "No, I swear, she's outside. She told me not to bother her."

"What's she doin' out there?"

"I don't know. She came here a little while ago to visit, then at one point she just started crying, and she gave me her phone and ran out to the backyard."

An answer was probably necessary, but Bea hung up without a response. That really didn't sound like something Kiara would do. If she was so distraught and distant, and didn't trust Bea enough to tell her, something had to really be wrong.

She hugged her knees on the sofa, gnawing her star-shaped chewing pendant in thought, when she got the text from Kiara. She read it over and over again, but she still didn't understand.

**i'm not coming home**

* * *

After Damian brought her the cell phone--he insisted that she respond to Bea--Kiara left the yard.

It started to drizzle as Kiara trudged along the road. The raindrops fell in her glasses lenses and onto the phone screen, blurring the words from Bea's response.

**what do you mean???? where are you going????**

Kiara's fingers trembled as she typed.

**i don't know  i don't want to go anywhere**

**what do you mean!??? where are you??????**

The rain picked up fast. It trickled down Kiara's hair, sending a chill down her spine. It beat against her hands, starting to grow numb.

**i dob't know i dob't know**

She did know. Ever since she watched Chelsey flee from those deceptively kind girls, Kiara saw demons in every corner of the world. In everyone's kind eyes and welcoming arms, they hid disgust at Kiara's very existence, and the moment she held Bea's warm hand, they'd turn on her, tainting every trail of joy Bea had left in her life until Kiara couldn't even look at her love without feeling like such a trapped monster, in a world where she could be mocked and tormented for being in love, and knowing nothing could ever change.

Her heart felt like it was being squeezed by a trembling jaw, aching to burst and free her from that pain.

**it hurts to love in this world i don't want you to feel like this i don't want you to have to look at me ecer again**

**kiara i'm going to be fine when i know you're okay. please tell me where you are i'm scared**

Somehow, Kiara's bones felt cold. She didn't realize that was possible. The rain was a heavy blanket now, and she sat on the curb and lay on her side on the dark slippery grass. She could barely see anything anymore. Even if Bea was looking, she probably wouldn't find her. So she at least deserved to have her question answered.

**i'm not fqr from my parents house. it's raininf**

Bea didn't text her again, so Kiara, on a whim, looked at the Discord server for their roleplay. She read over the most recent messages.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** if i don't come back it means kiara isn't coming back either.

 **Big Buff Butch:** what??????

 **flutter:** is everything okay!?

 **ciderseason:** Bea you can't just say that and leave what's going on?

 **Rarity is my muse:** what happened???

Kiara ignored the growing pit in her heart and read some posts on the blog. It had been so fun to brainstorm these little stories and work together to complete them. She really appreciated all her friends involved. Her favorite was Winter Wrap-Up. Twilight Sparkle was able to have a scene with each of her friends, and that helped a lot with developing each one. 

One scene involved Twilight trying to help Pinkie Pie score the ice, but she ended up being laughably awful at ice skating, and ended up crashing into Pinkie and into the snow. Pinkie laughed it off, tried to cheer up Twilight, and suggested she help Fluttershy wake animals.

They helped each other with that scene. Kiara remembered having their arms around each other as they came up with ideas, and eagerly encouraged each other to type it out. She remembered Bea's giggles, and her sudden gasps of inspiration, and her tight, warm embrace...

It was getting really cold outside.

* * *

When Bea paced up and down the street under a busted black umbrella, she'd expected to see Kiara walking around. She didn't think Kiara would lie to her, but she wasn't answering Bea's confused and concerned texts either. It was possible Kiara had lied. Maybe she actually hated Bea and wanted to run away from her. Maybe Bea couldn't help her enough with anything.

But finally, through the foggy rain she caught a glimpse of midnight blue. She clutched the umbrella handle with trembling fingers as she rushed over. She felt the puddles soaking into her sneakers. The water was really cold. Maybe freezing.

And Kiara had nothing to take shelter in.

Kiara wasn't moving when Bea found her. Her grip on her umbrella loosened and released as she dropped to her knees and glided her hand to Kiara's chest. Her heartbeat was hard to sense through the cold, but it seemed rapid. So did her quiet breathing, when Bea leaned in to listen.

Bea couldn't seem to think clearly, seeing the love of her life in this condition. It seemed like an instinct for her to gently lift Kiara's head off the grass and onto Bea's lap. She leaned forward to grasp the umbrella she'd dropped. Since it'd been open when it fell against the concrete, it was even more busted now, but the shelter was still enough to keep any more rain from beating on Kiara's face.

Bea knew she had to do something else, but she couldn't think of it. She willed herself to leave so she could find out, or even just use her phone to find out what to do. But her eyes were fixed on Kiara's sleeping face, and her thumbs were lightly brushing away bits of grass.

Kiara's phone lay face down in the grass, near Kiara's dark limp hand. Bea pulled it into her lap as well, but away from Kiara.

Then her eyes opened a bit. Her crooked glasses had misty lenses, but Bea still saw her purple irises give the tiniest twinkle.

They didn't move. They gazed at each other. Bea was wondering why she couldn't help her, why she couldn't just get up and find help, why she let this happen, why she couldn't stop just sitting there and wondering.

Kiara lifted a wet, trembling hand and loosely wrapped her slender fingers around Bea's wrist. Her lips parted to let out a whisper. "I'm sorry."

"I almost let you die." Bea sat still as the words spilled through. And they wouldn't stop. "I-I wasn't thinking, I thought maybe you'd come back, I would've waited and then I thought maybe you hated me and I could've given up and gone home and I never would've known you were freezing--" She wanted to curl up, but she could only look at her. "And I don't know what to do, I can't do anything to make you okay--"

Kiara's grasp tightened, sending a wave of warm love through Bea. Kiara pulled her lips into a smile as she spoke again. "I was wrong. We're going to be okay."

Those words felt so strong. Bea swallowed her guilt, and returned the smile. Kiara wasn't angry. She didn't need to be. "Okay," she said, in an exhale, like she'd been keeping her breath still. "I love you, okay?"

Kiara nodded.

"And I love you," Bea continued, "so whatever you're feeling is going to be okay again, right?"

Kiara's eyes closed and she whispered again. "Can you take me home, darling?"

Kiara had only called her "darling" once before. It was a year ago, when they were at a party. Not the kind of parties Pinkie Pie threw, because Pinkie was too innocent for anything like that. It was late at night, and it was open invite, so they didn't know the hosts. Bea did end up seeing one of them, and he seemed like a very kind man. He let them drink, despite them both being only nineteen, as long as one of them could drive home.

Bea had drank alcohol before, so she had a slightly higher tolerance than Kiara. Kiara also drank a bit more than her. It was amusing to think about how Kiara, who'd always been a rule-abiding responsible lady, was drunk for the first time that night at age nineteen.

Kiara wasn't drunk to the point of utter deliriousness, though. She could mostly speak coherently, and she seemed pretty aware that she'd had enough beer. There was a nice big swimming pool behind the house, and they were lucky enough to be there together by themselves. They stuck their bare legs in the water. The tips of Kiara's hair ended up in the pool, too. She seemed to glow, right in the path of the full moon. She gazed up at it, then buried her head in Bea's shoulder. They laced their fingers together, and Kiara laughed softly.

"I think it's almost over," Kiara murmured. She held Bea tighter and smiled. "Take me home, darling."

And that memory of her loving voice gave Bea courage again. She pulled Kiara's legs onto one arm and her back onto another, making sure to tuck her long thick hair so it didn't drag through the ground. Kiara wrapped her arms weakly around Bea, and leaned her head against her chest.

They couldn't hold the umbrella anymore, so they left it behind as Bea walked briskly down the road. She didn't have any quicker way of getting home, so she had to walk fast.

Kiara had fallen asleep again by the time they reached the house. They were also both soaked, and their butts probably had grass stuck all over them.

Once Kiara was in warm, soft clothes and underneath a blanket, her hair cleaned and bundled up in a loose bun, Bea sat beside her sleeping body. She was warming up, but when Bea held her hand, it was the same lovely chilliness as always.

Kiara almost hadn't come home.

She'd told Bea, in a quiet voice on the way home before she fell asleep again, about the girls she saw tormenting a lesbian. About the crushing realization that their own love could be used to hurt them, and no one would know or care. And Bea only listened. She couldn't think of any reassurance, she couldn't think of how to tell her that things would be okay. She didn't say a word.

What would Kiara do after waking up? She'd realize she was right all along, because Bea couldn't prove otherwise, because even Bea wasn't good enough to make the pain go away, and she'd drive herself further in sorrow until she hardly even existed, all because Bea was too useless to do anything about it.

Then Kiara rustled a bit in her sleep. She subconsciously wrapped a sluggish arm around Bea and pulled her closer. And Bea was surrounded by her warmth, and she could hear the soft steadiness of her breath and feel the calming beat of her heart. Something else, too. Like an aura of soothingness.

Her love. Despite everything, Kiara loved her, and through her tears Kiara had seen that and pushed a little more forward.

Kiara wouldn't be here if she hadn't let Bea find her.

Bea closed her eyes and lay her head against Kiara. She'd also changed into warm pajamas, and waited to doze off. She knew things would always be okay in the morning, because they loved each other, and sometimes that was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah this is a fic about me a) realizing that homophobia is so acceptable in society and nothing will ever make people stop hating me for being in love and b) super not liking myself whenever i see someone in distress and don't know what to do to fix it  
> i know this one isn't related too much to mlp at all but uh. thanks for reading my coping skill of the day. peace
> 
>  
> 
> p.s. i listened to magnet while writing this


	7. Janet Has Had Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of insufferable people have been commissioning Janet for artwork. Her friends help her find a way to put her foot down, except without being confrontational.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> from this point on, during the discord sections, i'll let several mssages be typed by the same person in a row. for example, before i would have done:
> 
> gay witch: i just had about 11 juice boxes. i don't know why i haven't done this before. juice from boxes tastes incredible. also i agree and i'll go ahead and make that channel
> 
> now i might type it like this:
> 
> gay witch: i just had about 11 juice boxes. i don't know why i haven't done this before. juice from boxes tastes incredible.  
> gay witch: oh sure i'll go ahead and make that channel
> 
> i feel like it'll make things less awkward and chunky. especially in this story which takes place entirely on the discord server. 
> 
> thanks! it's just a silly story i hope the structure is still okay and that it's enjoyable!

**Rarity is my muse:** is it okay if i rant a bit?

 **gay witch:** of course!

 **Big Buff Butch:** that's kinda the point of the vent channel...go to town

 **Rarity is my muse:** i have had a lot of bothersome people commission me lately...first someone tried to get me to lower my prices and he threatened to ruin my reputation if i didn't

 **Big Buff Butch:** god what a dick??

 **gay witch:** is he actually going to try to ruin your reputation?

 **Rarity is my muse:** i doubt it would work. it was just very irritating to have that exchange. the next person was manipulative enough with Paypal to get his money back after i already drew his request...fortunately he wasn't sensible enough to wait until i gave him the art, but i spent hours on that drawing! i wasted so much time!

 **gay witch:** i'm so sorry janet...

 **Rarity is my muse:** then there were a few people scattered throughout the week offering "exposure" as payment...as if i can pay my rent just by being a relatively well-known artist!

 **gay witch:** i know...i was never able to understand that sort of thinking

 **Big Buff Butch:** that's bc it's way dumb

 **Rarity is my muse:** and there were a few people who were...difficult customers...they did eventually pay me but they weren't very nice about it

 **gay witch:** what do you mean by difficult?

 **Rarity is my muse:** they kept asking me to redo the art because they were very particular, and they didn't think to specify everything in their first order.

 **Rarity is my muse:** for example, the first one was very nitpicky about the stars for some reason? i understand being passionate about astronomy but you shouldn't expect everybody to know exactly where every star is located at all times. it was so bizarre to me, i still have trouble believing i've been scolded for drawing the star placement unrealistically.

 **Rarity is my muse:** then another one expected ME to apologize for not using the color palette they wanted, even though they'd never given me that information

 **Rarity is my muse:** then someone else who's an artist commissioned me and i thought maybe she would be understanding but then she wrote a lengthy paragraph criticizing every little thing. and there were only a few things i actually did wrong! everything else was just her blaming me for not drawing the way she did...but that's what she wants why can't she draw it herself??

 **gay witch:**  but she still paid you?

 **Rarity is my muse:**  yes, "out of the goodness in her heart." she acts as if she deserves a medal just for giving me a few dollars, and i'm heartless for standing up to her.

 **gay witch:** yikes....

 **Big Buff Butch:** call her tf out!!

 **Rarity is my muse:** i'm not sure i'm comfortable with writing a full-blown callout post over this...

 **gay witch:** oh i know...we can turn this into a roleplay prompt

 **Big Buff Butch:** that's a weird conclusion to jump to but i guess using your my little pony oc to lowkey call out people and also cope with your emotions isn't too bad of an idea

 **gay witch:** okay let's talk about it in the prompt channel?

 **Rarity is my muse:** alright!

* * *

**Big Buff Butch:** okay so who's gonna be rarity's stupid asshole customers?? us??

 **gay witch:** i don't see who else could do it

 **ciderseason:** Would Rarity ask for payment, though, if the other ponies are her best friends?

 **Rarity is my muse:** i was thinking Rarity would simply make everyone's dresses for the Grand Galloping Gala as a gift

 **Big Buff Butch:** okay so maybe it's a gift but her friends are taking advantage of her generosity and being total jerks about it

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** oh theyre looking the gift horse in the mouth!!!! that's so clever!!!!!

 **gay witch:** i feel like everyone being mean to rarity would be kind of ooc...

 **ciderseason:** It just wouldn't be on purpose, then.

 **gay witch:** also how would rarity decide to make dresses? what if some of her friends already have their dresses prepared?

 **Big Buff Butch:** okay picture this: rarity's doin her thing in her boutique. maybe she's making her own dress because why wouldn't she right? or maybe she's designing it idk how the process works

 **Big Buff Butch:** in walks twilight sparkle. she's like "hey rarity can you fix my gala dress please" and she shows rarity and

 **Big Buff Butch:** it's the UGLIEST dress rarity has EVER seen and she decides right then and there she has to make twilight a good dress

 **Big Buff Butch:** then rainbow dash crashes through the window or smth and is like "sup losers" and rarity is like "hey rainbow dash want me to make you a dress" n rainbow dash is all "i'm not like other girls i don't need a dress" (embracing everyone's identity is part of her character arc or smth) but rarity decides to go All The Way and makes dresses for everyone

 **gay witch:** why does my pony have to be the one with the ugly dress??

 **Big Buff Butch:** uh idk but i want rainbow dash to crash through the window

 **ciderseason:** Would Rarity really want to make a dress for someone who just broke her window?

 **Big Buff Butch:** i'm just spitballin here

 **Rarity is my muse:** i think maybe Rarity should make dresses true to her vision first but all her friends are dissatisfied and when she makes new dresses they're very picky about things...it's just an idea though i don't want my character to be a Mary Sue

 **flutter:** what's that?

 **gay witch:** it's a character who's portrayed as always being in the right and being flawless, although i feel like a lot of people misuse the term for characters made by little kids who want superpowers and wings

 **ciderseason:** Maybe Rarity could plan a fashion show but she forgets to cancel it before making the revised dresses and they turn out real awful? Then she'd end up humiliating herself, and her friends would recognize the error of their ways

 **gay witch:** that sounds like it'd work

 **Rarity is my muse:** we don't have to plan the entire prompt right now, i think there's enough information for me to start it

 **Big Buff Butch:** okay we should probably think of like different ways for our characters to suck. for example rainbow dash can be like super vague and just be like "i don't like it" without saying anything helpful

 **Big Buff Butch:** like "do you like this?" "yeah" "do you like that?" "yeah" "do you like the dress?" "no" "why not?" "just make it cooler"

 **Rarity is my muse:** we'd need the other side of that too, someone who is very pretentious about it and criticizes the finest details because she's an expert but somehow doesn't want to make the dress herself

 **ciderseason:** Wouldn't that call for someone who knows a lot of fashion jargon? Because I don't think anyone here is like that besides you.

 **Rarity is my muse:** maybe the pony can think she knows what she's talking about but it's completely wrong, but Rarity can't object to it because she doesn't want to disappoint. that would be just as accurate

 **flutter:** i dont know anything about sewing but i could just look up what i need to

 **Big Buff Butch:** oh yeah good idea...make the quiet shy pony secretly a pretentious know-it-all, no one will see it coming

 **flutter:** haha well i dont know if i want fluttershy to come off as pretentious so i suppose i can have her be a little reluctant to give rarity a critique,,,

 **gay witch:** twilight sparkle likes astronomy so i can just copy whoever got mad about how you drew the stars

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** im gonna have pinkie pie think decorating dresses with candy and balloons is a good idea and rarity can be like "you know that's not gonna look good right?" and pinkie pie can be like "shut up it's MY dress" (honestly if it didn't come with consequences i would totally want a dress like that!!!!!)

 **Big Buff Butch:** okay so rainbow dash is useless, fluttershy's pretentious, twilight sparkle expects rarity to be an astronomist and pinkie pie is a dumb jerk...so what's applejack gonna do

 **ciderseason:** I'm thinking about it.

 **gay witch:** so far applejack seems to be really rustic with her lifestyle if that's the right word? so that might cause an issue

 **ciderseason:** Yeah, I guess Applejack wouldn't recognize a good dress if she saw one. Or she cares too much about practicality. I guess I can figure it out as we do it.

 **gay witch:** i'm not sure that would parallel janet's situation...

 **Rarity is my muse:** it doesn't need to. this is becoming more of a coping method than anything

 **Big Buff Butch:** roleplaying as my little pony characters isn't the first coping skill i'd think of but if it works it works

 **Rarity is my muse:** so is it alright to start that prompt now? or is there anything else we ought to establish?

 **gay witch:** i think this'll be fine to start...i think iris and i are the only ones who need to join in right away but everyone else can jump in if they like

 **Big Buff Butch:** so i can have rainbow dash crash land in the boutique???

 **Rarity is my muse:** i suppose...i don't know why she couldn't just use the door...

 **Big Buff Butch:** she has to live dangerously at all times! duh!

 **ciderseason:** I think I might join in too, I have some ideas.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i don't!

 **gay witch:** not EVERYONE has to start right away you and faria can think on it for a while if you want

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** alright!!!!!!

 **flutter:** i need to run an errand and cook dinner before doing anything like that...i ought to leave now, actually

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i don't have an excuse!!!!!! i guess i can just watch you all until i'm ready!!!!!!!

 **gay witch:** that's pretty much what you usually do isn't it?

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** well yeah!!!!! that's how roleplaying is sometimes!!!!!

 **ciderseason:** Oh Kiara, can I have Applejack enter the boutique with Twilight? I don't really know how else to bring her into the first scene.

 **Big Buff Butch:** why not just ride on rainbow dash's back as she crashes through the roof or window or who knows what else

 **ciderseason:** I'm trying to be sensible here.

 **Big Buff Butch:** is that code for BORING

 **Big Buff Butch:** i'm just kiddin you do you

 **gay witch:** i can write something like "twilight sparkle opened the door with applejack at her side etc etc etc" and have you add on to that?

 **ciderseason:** That sounds good.

 **Rarity is my muse:** alright i've posted on a blog...go ahead and reply to it Kiara and we can get it going!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Big Buff Butch:** i'm PUMPED....these tiny horse girls are gonna OWN janet's bad customers

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i think thisll be really fun!!!!!!!! let's do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story was just for funsies. i don't need to shove angst and drama in EVERYTHING i write, you know.


	8. You Owe Me Ten Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris and Faria discover how they truly feel about each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: alcoholism + brief mention/implication of self harm

It could be surprising, just how calm and comforting it was to have someone like Iris in her arms.

Well, it was reasonable if Faria thought about it. She was noticeably taller than Iris, so that probably helped. She didn't have any of Iris's muscle, but other than that, Faria seemed like the bigger, stronger one, even if she felt so vulnerable all the time.

Faria tended to dress in clothes that covered most of her body, but she'd known Iris so well and for so long that she was willing to wear a T-shirt and sweatpants. The only reason Faria had clothes like this was for if she was sick, or very hot. That wasn't the case right now, but it was for Iris.

Finding Iris near the bar and bringing her home wasn't an unusual occurence. Unlike most times, though, today Iris hadn't gotten herself dangerously drunk. She'd called Faria and said she felt sick, and she'd asked to be picked up. It became clear by the time they'd gotten to the cottage that Iris wasn't just intoxicated.

"Of _course_ I'm drunk," Iris had muttered bitterly, weakly pinching her wrist. "It's just different this time."

Faria was able to use a thermometer to confirm that Iris had a very high body temperature. Iris thought she was drunk because she was dizzy and had a headache, but from that and the fact that Iris had had very little to drink, it was apparent that she was having a heat stroke. Fortunately, Faria's air conditioning had been on the whole time, so it couldn't get too much worse.

Iris was reluctant to take a cold bath in Faria's home, saying it felt too invasive. It took a lot of convincing to let Iris soak in Faria's bathtub. Iris was already turning red from the heat, and she was clearly embarrassed about having to undress. She was functional enough to be in the bathroom by herself, so Faria didn't have to watch. If she did, Iris would be as red as her hair.

Naturally, Iris was also flustered when Faria dressed in looser, more revealing clothing. She got over it quick once she let Faria hug her. Since Faria was usually cold, it was probably relieving for Iris to feel her. She'd figured it'd help if her arms were bare.

Iris was asleep now. She'd cooled down enough to be safe, but she still felt hot when Faria brushed her rounded cheeks. Iris always felt relatively warm, though, so it wasn't too offputting. Iris's fingers rested in her lap, loosely interlaced with Faria's. Being so close to her was elating. Faria tightened her embrace, prompting a sleepy, pleased murmur from Iris.

Some nights, when Faria brought Iris home with her while the latter was intoxicated, she'd let Iris kiss her. Was it wrong to let her do that? Was it wrong that Faria liked it? Was it wrong that Faria wanted to tilt her head down and plant her lips in Iris's fiery hair?

Of course it was. Iris wouldn't want that. Iris wouldn't want their relationship to change. She only kissed Faria because she didn't know what she was doing.

* * *

**flutter:** how did you know she liked you?

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i didnt!!!!!!! i just spent enough time with her until i was confident enough to tell her i was in love with her!!!!!! i just got lucky!!!!!!

 **flutter:** well, ive known iris nearly my whole life, and im still too nervous to bring anything up,,,

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** iris, huh?

 **flutter:** ah,,, please don't tell her! it'd be so embarrassing,,,,,,,

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** of course!!!!!! i kind of already knew anyway!!!

 **flutter:** how??

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** you never really hesitate to tell her how cool she is!!!! and also there was that time you said uh

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** "i'd let her carry me into the ocean"

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** gay girls always want other girls to carry them around!!!!!

 **flutter:** oh,,, do you think it's obvious to everyone else?

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** idk but i think if they do notice they won't bother you about it!!!

 **flutter:** iris kisses me when she's drunk sometimes and. i let her,,, i feel so dirty about it

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** well it's not like being drunk changes your motives n stuff right? i think you should probably let her know tho to see how she wants you to handle it

 **flutter:** i couldn't! she'd be so embarrassed!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** you could always text her or something? then you can give her time to stop being embarrassed!!

 **flutter:** i guess so,,, i'll just have to hope she doesn't take it too badly

* * *

Of course, Faria had waited until Iris was out of sight to text her. Then she had to wait again for a response. She turned her phone's ringer on so that it'd be easier to know, but she was still just dreading it. She tried everything to calm herself down. Taking a hot bath and slowly sipping herbal tea usually made everything better, but Faria couldn't get the wordless worries out of her mind.

They didn't talk to each other for a few days. Faria was too scared to even leave the house now. She'd have to eventually, though, to buy groceries and refill her pills. She decided that on Saturday she would force herself to go into the city and risk being seen by Iris. Not that she was likely to run into Iris in a big busy city on the weekend, but it had happened before. Besides, reason wasn't always good enough to discredit anxiety.

It turned out to not come to that. Strangely, of all the scenarios Faria had been fearing, Iris knocking on her door wasn't one of them. Faria knew she had no choice but to answer it. To her surprise, Iris seemed calm and happy, bouncing lightly on her heels. She grinned up at her once the door opened. "Sorry I didn't text you back. I was kinda hoping you'd call me or something, but then I realized I should probably just see you myself."

"It's fine," Faria mumbled, squeezing her fist around the edge of her hijab. Her hands were already sweating. "I'm sorry..."

"No, no, it's my bad!" Iris quickly insisted, reaching a hand toward Faria's. "I'm just glad you finally talked about it."

Faria's jaw fell, and her fingers released as she jumped back. "You knew?"

Iris shrugged. She turned her head away as she brought her hand back to her neck. "I mean, it's not like I black out completely every time. I remember kissing you sometimes. And, if you want, uh..." Her shoulders hunched and she let out a soft, nervous giggle. "I can k-kiss you again, more often..."

 _I'm in love with her._ It seemed like an obvious thought, something Faria had known for a long time, but only now did it become so much more clear. Like a hidden sprout suddenly bursting into a blossom, with excitement blooming into Faria's heart.

She couldn't pinpoint exactly what pushed her to feel this. Maybe it was Iris's rounded, rosy cheeks, or it was her stunning smile. In any case, Faria loved Iris. Faria loved the girl who always stood up for her and protected her, the girl who confided in her before anyone else, the girl who was always around to comfort her on dark days.

Iris cleared her throat and spoke again, seeming to think Faria wasn't about to. "Uh, do you know...how many times I kissed you...?"

Faria did know. Why did she know? Everybody remembered strange things, but it was odd how Faria remembered every single kiss Iris had given her.

Kiss number one was when they were eighteen. Iris was miserable because she felt like she was disappointing everybody. She'd just graduated with barely passing grades and she'd been slacking on her exercise. She knew that drinking would end up making her feel worse in the long run, but she said it was nice to have a short period of numb euphoria. She thanked Faria for being so kind to her and kissed her hand, before Faria brought her to her bedroom to sleep. Faria slept on the couch. She didn't mind, knowing that Iris was safe.

Kiss number two happened a few months after that. Faria was having an anxiety attack, because she was so worried about Iris, who was very delirious. Iris didn't say a word to her, but she held Faria's hand and slowly pulled it to her lips. She smiled before leaning against her. She let Faria hug her tightly as her tears dried.

Kisses number three, number four and number five happened the following summer. Iris gave Faria's neck three soft smooches before resting a hand against her chest. Iris's hand was cut down the middle of her palm. It wasn't bleeding anymore, but the slash was still bright scarlet. Faria didn't know exactly how it got there, but she had an idea, knowing Iris had been going through a period of self-loathing.

Kiss number five was the first time Iris kissed Faria on the lips. This was after Faria had mentioned a delicious pastry she'd eaten earlier, and Iris's excuse was that she wanted to taste it. She laughed at herself. As always, her laughter was lively and colorful.

Kisses number six and number seven didn't happen until the girls were both twenty. Iris said she was too hot, and asked to be close to Faria to feel cool. They sat on the loveseat together, and Iris gave Faria a nice warm kiss on her shoulder. She did it again as Faria started to doze off, but she still knew about kiss number seven because it was the last thing she remembered before falling asleep.

Kiss number eight was the first one at Iris's apartment. They shared Iris's bed that night. As Faria was trying to put Iris in a safe sleeping position, she got close to her face, and Iris reacted with a quick peck on the nose. Faria thought it was adorable, but she was afraid to say so.

Kiss number nine happened while Faria was carrying Iris to her bedroom. Iris was smiling the whole time. After lifting her head to kiss Faria's cheek, she asked if she could be carried more often. They giggled together as they reached the bed.

Kiss number ten was just last week, on Faria's lips again. That time, Faria couldn't help but feel so overjoyed. She pushed her own lips back a little. She still felt so dirty about it, even if she wasn't sure whether or not she could say she'd kissed Iris.

"You've kissed me ten times," Faria finally answered. It wouldn't be right to lie about it.

"Did you ever kiss me back?" Iris looked up at her again, her smile growing stronger, like she was becoming more confident in herself.

Faria shook her head. She couldn't think that she  _returned_ the kiss, really. It was more like...accepting it more enthusiastically.

Iris crossed her arms and tilted her head. "So...that means you owe me ten kisses."

The joy in Faria was quelled for a moment by shock. She didn't know what to think or how to respond. Was Iris flirting with her? Or was she upset? Why would she be upset? Was she suddenly angry about being lied to for the past three or so years?

Her racing thoughts were halted when Iris gently took her hands. "You're cute when you blush," she softly laughed. 

"Y-you are too," Faria stammered thoughtlessly.

Iris squeezed her hands and continued. "You don't have to give me all ten kisses at once. You can scatter 'em. If you don't like kissing, though, forget it. Relationships aren't any good if one person isn't comfy."

Relationships? Faria blinked in bewilderment. "What are you talking about?"

Iris flinched, fuschia eyes widened, before smiling again and snorting through a short burst of laughter. "Oh,  _duh,_ I totally forgot to ask if you wanted to be my girlfriend in the fir--"

"Yes!" Before she could think, Faria tightly wrapped her arms around Iris and pulled her up a bit so that the shorter girl was barely even on her toes. "I love you!" The thoughts spilled through. "I get so happy when you kiss me, I want to kiss you too, you're so important to me and I'm so happy that you love me too!"

Apparently, Iris couldn't resist it either. "You're important to me too, I've always cared about you so much and you loving me back is a  _miracle--_ "

"I was so scared of ruining everything!"

"So was I, I felt terrible about holding it in! And...and I just suddenly realized that, oh my God, I just acted like I asked you out without even..."

"I love you so much, Iris!"

"I'm so lucky that you feel like that!"

" _I'm_ lucky you love me too!"

Eventually, Faria had the sense to actually bring Iris inside the cottage and shut the door. That didn't stop either of them from laughing and hugging saying "I love you" over and over.

* * *

**gay witch:** isn't it sort of uncanny how there were four single women in this group and now they're paired off with each other?

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** maybe it's our blessing!!!! you are the gay witch, the witch of gays, and i'm the less witchy girlfriend!!!!

 **Big Buff Butch:** thanks for the blessing

 **Rarity is my muse:** thank you for the blessing.

 **gay witch:** i wouldn't call it a blessing. it's more like the opposite of a curse?

 **Big Buff Butch:** that's what a blessing is you goof

 **gay witch:** an enchantment! it fits the witch theme!

 **Big Buff Butch:** wait are you. are you an actual witch. like do you practice witchcraft

 **gay witch:** not unless you count those tumblr emoji spells

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** I LOVE THOSE!!

 **Rarity is my muse:** does Twilight Sparkle being a mage have anything to do with that?

 **gay witch:** twilight sparkle is basically my self insert oc from ninth grade except now she's a horse with anxiety

 **Big Buff Butch:** aren't all our ponies self inserts? more or less?

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** we gotta make them kiss!!!!!!!

 **gay witch:** you know, i guess we can have shipping roleplay somewhere...but on the main blog i'd like to keep it romance free. unless it's like the rarity situation where it's for character development

 **Big Buff Butch:** speaking of kissing, i'm with my gf in her bed right now AND i'm sober it's awesome

 **gay witch:** we know her name.

 **Big Buff Butch:** cut me some toast i haven't been able to call someone my gf in like 7 years

 **Big Buff Butch:** i'm gonna cook breakfast for her it's gonna be so goddamn romantic

 **gay witch:** i'm glad you're so happy iris!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** me too!!!! everyone is so happy it's great!!!!!!

 **Rarity is my muse:** do you know enchantments for keeping happiness going?

 **gay witch:** i just said i'm not actually a witch

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** we will shout positive things!!!!

 **gay witch:** everyone will have a great day!!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** you are all fantastic!!!!!

 **gay witch:** you are loved!!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** you can conquer the day!!!!!!!!!

 **gay witch:** you're beautiful!!!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** is this working?

 **Rarity is my muse:** i think so.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** yay!!!!!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** also i have the week after next week off from work!!! maybe i'll make a cake and bring it to one of you!!!!!

 **gay witch:** that's going to be tough considering we live in florida...and the closest person to us is in maryland

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** love always finds a way!!!!!!!

 **gay witch:** and i don't think it'd be easy to get plane tickets only two weeks in advance...

 **Rarity is my muse:** it's okay. we don't ALL have to meet each other in person.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** yeah.....but it'd be cool

 **gay witch:** i think so too but i'll probably start taking college courses soon, so i think i'd be busy for a while...

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** if i travel somewhere without you i'll just have you on a video call the whole time so you don't miss out!!!!!!

 **gay witch:** no, i've tried that a long time ago. it didn't work out very well.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** wow!!!!! i learn something about you every day!!!!!! i love being your girlfriend!!!!!!!!

 **gay witch:** i love being your girlfriend too!!

 **Rarity is my muse:** i love my girlfriend!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** WE ALL LOVE OUR GIRLFRIENDS!!!!

 **gay witch:** i'm so glad we can say that now adfhhfshf

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** yeah!!!! this is gonna be the girlfriend positivity club!!!!!!

 **gay witch:** right!! we can do anything together!!

 **Rarity is my muse:** we have the power of love and friendship!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** that's the spirit!!!!! now let's LOVE SOME GIRLS!!!!!!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i don't like this one very much....but i think it'd be worse if it was longer, which is what was originally planned. i hope i haven't disappointed you too much.


	9. Stepladder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bea visits Faria on her week off from work, but finds an unexpected obstacle that may change how the others see her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: suicide attempt, self harm  
> (some people???? write bad angsty mlp fanfiction?????? to cope????????)
> 
> also iris finally gets rainbow hair in this chapter. hooray!
> 
> (pre-publishing edit: this was harder than i thought it'd be so it is probably not worth the read. don't feel bad if u wanna skip out on it)

**flutter:** bea said she's going to visit me on her week off

 **gay witch:** she is! i can't go with her bc i have college stuff to do...it's a bummer

 **flutter:** like what?

 **gay witch:** well, i decided to take some classes for astronomy and mathematics and see how that works out

 **flutter:** oh! i didnt know that! good luck!

 **gay witch:** thanks!! i was super worried about college but luckily my girlfriend always knows how to help me! i love her!

 **flutter:** is it,,, okay to be home by yourself then?

 **gay witch:** oh, of course. she's not my babysitter. and i have a whole network of friends right in our server if i ever need them.

 **gay witch:** oh also, is bea staying with you all week?

 **flutter:** yes. she's going to be in my house

 **gay witch:** i'm not sure if bea would've told you, and it's probably weirdly specific, but make sure you don't use a stepladder when she's around.

 **flutter:** why?

 **gay witch:** well that's not...really my place to say.

 **flutter:** is it a trigger?

 **gay witch:** something like that.

 **flutter:** i see. thank you for telling me. i don't use my stepladder very much but it's good to know this

 **gay witch:** you don't have to hide it or anything. it's only dangerous for her if someone's actually on top of it.

 **flutter:** okay, thats good to know. thank you

 **gay witch:** also, just so you know, she isn't actually going to bring a cake all the way to pennsylvania. i think she realized that cakes typically don't survive on airplane flights.

 **flutter:** oh right,, do i need to meet her at the airport??

 **gay witch:** well, i'd assume so, since she's not going to be staying in a hotel. is that going to be okay...?

 **flutter:** oh its fine its just,,,, i dont have a car so id have to walk or take a bus and i dont want to keep her waiting for too long

 **gay witch:** noooo she's not going to mind, before we lived in the same state i remember one time i accidentally forgot to pick her up so she ended up waiting for two hours

 **gay witch:** and i felt so guilty about it but she wasn't upset at all. she actually thought it was funny.

 **flutter:** oh wow,,,

 **gay witch:** ah i have to go...goodbye!!

 **flutter:** goodbye!

* * *

The only reference Faria had for what Bea looked like was a picture Kiara had taken of the two of them together. Fortunately, that was all Faria needed, because Bea was so colorful. Her hair was curly and pink, and she herself had mentioned that she always wore brightly colored clothes.

She did that day, too. Faria knew when she saw her sitting on the bench outside the airport. Her hoodie was neon yellow, and she wore puffy turquoise shorts. She was wearing knee-high socks with a swirly lollipop print on them, but Faria doubted it was enough to keep her legs warm. It was a chilly day, compared to how hot it'd been outside lately. Not to mention that Bea was probably used to the constant hot weather in Florida.

Bea looked up at Faria when she approached, and immediately jumped up and flapped her hands for a second as she grinned.

"Can I hug you?" Bea asked. At Faria's nod she threw her arms around her and squeezed her so hard that her arms trembled a little with the effort. Faria was used to this from Iris, so she didn't mind at all. Bea was short enough for Faria to rest her head on top of hers. Bea had to be using great conditioner, if the fluffy softness of her hair was anything to go by.

Faria knew they couldn't stand around hugging forever, because Bea's suitcase was sitting on the bench just begging to be swiped by a wandering pickpocketer. Bea apparently came to the same conclusion. She finally freed Faria and gripped the handle of her suitcase and threw it down onto the pavement on its wheels. She was still grinning when she looked back at Faria. "Do you wanna go get lunch?"

Faria was starting to get hungry, but she wasn't sure she would have anything at her cottage that Bea would like. She usually didn't mind eating out as long as she had a friend with her, but she'd only thought to bring money for the bus fare, and she didn't want to make Bea pay for things.

"What, um...what would you want to eat?" she asked tentatively.

Bea crossed her arms and glanced up in thought. "Uh...there's not really anything I'm craving, and I'm not picky, so..."

"Oh, no, I..." Faria clutched her chest and looked away in shame. "Am I making you feel unwelcome?"

"What makes you say that?"

"Ah..." This was even worse, wasn't it? Now she was going to make Bea worry about Faria worrying about making things awkward. And Bea had already tried to convince Faria that she didn't mind whatever choice she made, but Faria was supposed to be the considerate host and it seemed she was already manipulating Bea into giving up her own enjoyment--

Something warm gingerly touched her hand. Bea's sky blue eyes were gazing up at her. She smiled again, this time more calm and gentle. "We can go to your house for now, if you want."

Faria nodded. "Yes, I'd like to do that."

* * *

As it turned out, Bea wasn't lying about not being picky. She didn't seem like the type to enjoy something like mushroom soup so much, but the genuinity of her enthusiasm was undeniable, as was her tolerance for all different tastes.

"Kiara said it's unrealistic to have my pony eat cupcakes with hot sauce on them, but I've done that three times," she laughed. "Maybe I'm unrealistic, too."

"I don't think that's possible if you're already real," Faria remarked.

Bea shrugged. "I think people can be unrealistic. Like, uh...that guy I saw one time who skateboarded on top of the bakery I work at. Most people don't do that, so I think that makes him unrealistic."

"No, I think unrealistic is more..." Faria lightly rocked her feet back and forth as she hesitated. "I think for people, it just means that they'd expect unreasonable things. Or impossible things."

"Oh, yeah, I think you're right." Bea was smiling and giggling as if being proven wrong was a thrill for her. It was really cute. Faria could see why Kiara loved her so much. She ended up smiling a little with her and instinctively raised a hand to cover her mouth, forgetting about the freshly brewed tea sitting beside her hand on the end table.

Faria yelped and looked down to see the scalding liquid spill over her wrist to fall in a stream onto the green rug. She usually wasn't so clumsy, and so she was clueless about what to do. She wanted to get up and get some ointment but the tea was burning through her skin and she couldn't focus on anything through the pain.

"Ah, Faria!" As if that wasn't enough, Bea had to be watching her host make this mess of herself. Obviously, she wouldn't do anything malicious, but Faria was still too ashamed to ask for help, so Bea had to offer it. "I'll get some medicine or water or something...do you have a medicine cabinet?"

"It's in the broom closet," Faria forced herself to answer in a gasp. "Next to the bathroom."

Bea knew where the bathroom was because Faria had pointed it out when they entered the cottage, so she rushed off without another word. It took another moment for Faria to remember that she had a wooden stepladder stored in her broom closet.

Kiara had told her that simply seeing a stepladder wouldn't trigger anything, but the knowledge of the stepladder made Faria uneasy. She jumped out of the armchair, but it was already too late. She could only stand still, the tea puddled on her scalded wrist slowly dripping onto the rug, her breath hitching when she heard the creak of the closet door. The light in her living room even dimmed for a flicker, as if punctuating the suspense.

The sound that came after that wasn't anything unordinary. Just running water, followed by quick footsteps. Bea returned with a soaked hand towel in one hand and some gauze and a nearly empty ointment tube bundled in the other.

"I'm not a doctor," Bea said, pulling Faria's burned hand closer. "But I think you're supposed to dab it like this."

Faria nodded, and released a sigh when the wet towel touched her. Faria just liked the feel of cold water in general. It always felt so cleansing and purifying. Naturally, she was more than relieved to feel the stinging fire wash away.

"Oh, jeez," Bea laughed nervously. "I forgot to bring a dry towel."

"I can use the napkins to dry my hand," Faria pointed out. The napkins on the end table had gotten a little soaked from the tea, but Faria could just tear the soiled pieces off.

When Faria was done, she was more than able to do the rest of the first aid herself, but Bea didn't seem to pick up on that. Without another word, she squeezed what remained of the ointment onto the burn and smeared it with her pointer finger. She had blunt fingernails, so it was a smooth sensation. Bea then proceeded to neatly wrap gauze around the burn.

Faria thought it was odd that Bea had been unsure about how to apply a wet towel to burned skin, and yet was able to use ointment and gauze with ease, but Faria didn't know how to ask about it in a way that made sense. The only thing she could really do was thank her.

"You look super cool now." Bea was beaming up at her again. "You look like you just won a fight."

"I think I just look like I burned my hand," Faria chuckled. "Sorry for making a mess."

"Why should I care?" Bea shrugged and waved away the apology. "It's  _your_ house."

"And you're  _my_ guest. It just wouldn't be polite to make you stay in a messy house."

Bea scoffed playfully. "It's not  _messy!_ Look how neat all the pillows and stuff are! You spilled something  _once!_ 'Sides, it's a cute little cottage. It's hard to make _that_ unappealing." The light above them flickered again, prompting her to flinch and wonder, "Is the power gonna go out?"

"No, it's just..." Faria wasn't going to lie, but after hearing Bea say her home was hard to make unappealing, her words slowed and her gaze fell. "This lightbulb's been acting up, I think. I'm planning to have it fixed after you leave."

"Hm." Bea crossed her arms with false indignance. Faria wouldn't see through it if it weren't for Bea's friendly smirk. "I guess your humble guest doesn't deserve a fixed lightbulb, huh?"

"No, no!" Faria protested, a little laugh trailing her words. "I just want to spend time with you without it being interrupted."

"Likely story!" Bea released her arms as her smile widened. "I'm just kidding. You can wait to clean up that tea, too, if you want."

"No, that's different. I'd rather have a clean rug either way."

"Do you want help?"

Faria shook her head, and with that she went to fetch some cleaning supplies as Bea turned away to go sift through her suitcase.

* * *

**flutter:** hello iris,,

 **Big Buff Butch:** hey!! what's up

 **Big Buff Butch:** you know u can just text me?

 **flutter:** i like discord better than texting. i don't really know why

 **Big Buff Butch:** thats fair i guess

 **Big Buff Butch:** u need something or did you just feel like messaging me in the middle of the night

 **flutter:** oh sorry,,, i just have trouble sleeping rn

 **Big Buff Butch:** is it bc u always insist on sleeping on the couch when you have guests

 **Big Buff Butch:** look i dont care if u and bea sleep in the same bed together if thats what ur worried about

 **flutter:** actually we,,,, already are

 **Big Buff Butch:** sick. i just hope ur comfortable

 **flutter:** bea's even shorter than you are, you know. i don't have to worry about kicking her by accident.

 **Big Buff Butch:** oh wait wait ur not sleeping in ur hijab are you?

 **flutter:** of course not. i trust bea enough to show my hair. 

 **Big Buff Butch:** well thats a relief, cant have anyone u don't trust sleepin under ur roof

 **Big Buff Butch:** anyway why are you having trouble sleeping??? did you forget ur meds??

 **flutter:** no. i appeciate your concern though

 **flutter:** i think,, im worried about something. i cant tell you what it is because it's a secret i just feel like getting my mind off of it

 **Big Buff Butch:** oh okay uhh...did i tell you i'm gonna dye my hair this week

 **flutter:** to what?

 **Big Buff Butch:** well ever since i thought up rainbow dash's design i thought "man i wish i had rainbow hair, it'd be so cool and so gay"

 **Big Buff Butch:** and then i found out that not only is it possible, there's hairdressers near me that offer it

 **Big Buff Butch:** and i was like HELL YEAH

 **Big Buff Butch:** so i'm going tomorrow

 **flutter:** that sounds so pretty,,, can you show me when you're done?

 **Big Buff Butch:** uh DUH you're the first person i have to show everything off to, and also my gf

 **flutter:** and you ought to show bea too, while she's here

 **Big Buff Butch:** oh babe!! once i see bea i'll have met every one of you in person except for kiara

 **Big Buff Butch:** ive almost completed the collection

 **flutter:** oh i never thought of that,,, you're lucky. i'm still upset over not being able to go to canada with you.

 **Big Buff Butch:** i hope you at least liked to talk to janet and veronica they seemed really excited about seeing what you look like

 **Big Buff Butch:** do you ever post pictures of yourself? if it's an insecurity thing i promise you're beautiful n i'm sure all ur tumblr followers will think so too

 **flutter:** that's really sweet iris

 **flutter:** it's more of a paranoia thing than anything. i also don't think i look very nice in pictures.

 **Big Buff Butch:** i disagree but i'm not gonna pressure you into anything yknow?

 **flutter:** oh i understand. i'm flattered that you think i'm beautiful ;;

 **Big Buff Butch:** i KNOW you're beautiful ;)

 **flutter:** now you're just trying to start flirting aren't you?

 **Big Buff Butch:** are you KIDDING i've waited like a whole year to flirt with u

 **Big Buff Butch:** but i'm outta practice so i can't do it rn i gotta brush up on my pickup lines

 **flutter:** if you're trying to say you're tired and you want to sleep then that's okay with me haha

 **Big Buff Butch:** how did u see through my ruse

 **Big Buff Butch:** it is ruse right? not rouse? i dont feel like lookin it up

 **flutter:** yes it's ruse

 **flutter:** rouse is probably the opposite of what youre trying to do

 **flutter:** thank you for talking to me. i think i'm ready to sleep now. sweet dreams, i love you

 **Big Buff Butch:** i love you too!! <33

* * *

Iris had said it would take a day or two for her dye job to be completely finished. That was more than enough time for Bea to grow extremely eager to see her.

"I want to give her welcome cupcakes!" she declared, skipping lightly around the room, flapping her hands every minute or so. "What kind does she like? Do you know?"

"She likes vanilla," Faria answered with a smile, without looking up from her sketchbook. She was very pleased to see Bea so thrilled about all this, and since being happy tended to inspire her to draw cute things, that was exactly what she'd decided to do today. Faria wanted to draw all of the pony characters in Equestria Roleplay. She started with her own, more as a warmup than anything. She was drawing Pinkie Pie now, since Bea was right here and could give her advice on what Pinkie Pie was supposed to look like.

Faria's style was...unique. She wasn't sure the ponies she drew were even recognizable as ponies. They were smoother and more slender than the ponies in the actual cartoon, with bigger eyes and smaller snouts. Faria wasn't completely happy with her style yet. She wasn't aiming for realism, but she wanted her art to look more like stylized ponies than whatever she was doing now. She'd started to tolerate herself a lot more since she'd started sharing her drawings online, though, and Bea had said she didn't mind having her pony character be drawn like this. Faria trusted her to be honest at this point, so she tried not to doubt it.

"What about icing? Does she like sprinkles?" Bea flapped her hands more quickly as she thought aloud. "She's dying her hair rainbow colors, so we can have rainbow sprinkles to celebrate, if she likes them, but honestly, who _doesn't_ like sprinkles? And she doesn't have diabetes, right?" She waited for Faria to shake her head before continuing. "I've wanted to try putting sprinkles  _in_ the cupcakes instead of  _on top_ of them, but sprinkles are already messy enough when they're on top of a cupcake, and when you bite into a cupcake you expect to taste the cupcake and you probably aren't looking for a bunch of sprinkles to get dumped in your mouth. And then you'll get surprised and then the sprinkles are gonna fall  _out_ of your mouth and you'll just make a mess. So maybe it'd be better if most of the sprinkles were on top, and maybe just a few can be inside the cupcake as a nice surprise and not a messy surprise. Plus then you can taste the cake."

"Iris said she'll be here by three o'clock," Faria said. "And I think I have everything you would need to make cupcakes, except sprinkles and icing."

"I brought my own!" At Faria's bewildered expression when she looked up, Bea added, "You never know when you'll need sprinkles and icing!"

Faria was actually more surprised that Bea hadn't been snacking on the sprinkles. It was one of Faria's guilty pleasures whenever there was a shaker of sprinkles around, so she'd expected someone like Bea, who clearly had a sweet tooth, to do the same. Maybe Faria was just really weird. It was a good thing no one had ever seen her do it.

By the time Iris arrived, the cupcakes were already baked, frosted and sprinkled. Faria had only just turned to head to the door when Bea sped past her, kicking her bare feet up high behind her. She swung the door open and without a split second of hesitation wrapped her arms tight around Iris's torso. Iris's only reaction was to simply stare wide-eyed down at the fluff of pink hair beneath her chin. Faria would be laughing to herself in amusement if she wasn't distracted by the new sprectrum of colors Iris wore. The hair in front was striped with warm colors, red on her left to orange in the center to yellow on her right, falling in a curtain around the back of the neck as it faded into cooler colors, stripes of green, blue and violet. It suited her. The new colors seemed to give Iris a happier aura. 

"You look so beautiful, Iris!" Faria found herself blurting.

This pulled Iris out of her shock of being suddenly squeezed by some girl whom she'd never met in person. Her gaze relaxed and she returned Bea's hug, letting out a breath of laughter. "Glad you like it. I was kinda scared it wouldn't work out."

Faria knew by now that Bea and Iris both had very strong arms, and thus, very strong hugs. She was interested to see if either of them could prove to have the superior hug strength. Unfortunately, Bea released Iris before Faria could make a real observation.

"We made you cupcakes!" Bea announced.

Iris was still close enough to run her fingers through Bea's curls. "That's super cool of you, Bea." She tilted her head. "Why, though? It's not my birthday or anything."

"Why would it need to be your birthday?" Bea clasped her hands together and tilted her head to copy Iris. "We're celebrating friendship, that's a good enough reason, isn't it?"

"Yeah, that's acceptable." Iris could only flash a quick smile before the light above them flickered. She turned her eyes up to it, then over to Faria. "What was that? Your light on the fritz?"

"She can't get it fixed 'til I leave," Bea explained.

Faria fumbled her fingers against her hijab. "That makes it sound like I'm keeping a secret from you," she laughed softly through the small sheepish smile she felt spreading.

"Well, I can fix it," Iris offered. "Unlike you,  _I_ don't drop lightbulbs." She put her hands on her hips to try to convince Faria of her confidence.

Bea spun to face Faria with her mouth agape. "So  _that's_ your secret!" she exclaimed in a whisper.

"I'm not that clumsy!" Faria tried to shout, but the frazzlement she felt around Iris and her charming smirk kept her voice feebly soft.

Iris swiftly approached her and lifted herself on her toes. By now, Faria knew to respond to this by closing the gap between their lips. Iris's lips had a hint of a fruity taste.

"Did you get lunch on the way here?" Faria asked when they separated, not minding Bea standing a few feet away, covering her face with her hands but parting her fingers to expose her awed eyes.

"Yeah. Just, like...a chicken sandwich and fruit punch." Iris didn't need to look down to hold Faria's hands as she spoke. "But I'm still up for cupcakes. So feel free to, uh...feed me..." Her grin scrunched into a frustrated frown. "God, that sounds...gross. But, yeah, cupcakes sound good."

Faria forgot about Iris's offer to fix her lightbulb. In fact, she hadn't even clearly accepted it in the first place. So she thought nothing of the muffled clanging she thought she heard. Bea didn't acknowledge it either. They were both busy plating the cupcakes.

"Are you sure this counts as a meal?" Faria rhetorically questioned. 

Bea shrugged with a carefree smile. "Iris had lunch already anyway." She didn't look up at Faria. Her eyes were busy making sure the cupcakes weren't in a position to fall over each other. "And I dunno about you, but I could definitely eat four cupcakes in one sitting after a lunch that small."

Four of these cupcakes made about the size of one slice of regular cake, maybe one and a half, so Faria didn't really feel she had to argue against her.

The plates were then arranged at the small dining table. There was only room for two chairs. Bea volunteered to sacrifice her seat, because she felt like moving around anyway, so this wasn't much of an issue. As Faria started pouring cold milk, Bea returned to the living room to fetch Iris. A few seconds later, a choked-up shriek made Faria freeze in place. It was followed by the sound of hurried footsteps pounding the floor, growing distant, then Iris frantically calling Bea's name.

Faria was frightened of whatever had just happened, but considering this was her house and her friend and girlfriend were both in it, she had to push through her fear to run out to the living room. As Faria's sight fell upon it, the light flickered above the stepladder, like a broken spotlight.

The stepladder was made of wood, but otherwise was structured just like any other stepladder. Faria was pretty tall, but she kept the stepladder in her broom closet in case she needed to get very close to the ceiling. Iris knew where Faria kept her things. They were dating now, after all. It didn't take much to figure out that Iris had gone ahead to start to try to fix the light in Faria's living room. Iris was very short, so obviously, she had to use the stepladder.

Faria gripped her wrist tightly, cursing herself for not thinking this through earlier. There were so many things Faria had been able to do to prevent this. Why hadn't she just refused Iris's offer to fix her light? Why hadn't she warned Iris about the stepladder before she'd arrived? Why hadn't she suspected anything when she heard Iris taking the stepladder out of the broom closet? Why had Faria even kept her stepladder around when she had places to hide it to avoid this exact scenario from happening? Why was Faria so careless?

 _Stop it, stop it. Breathe a little._ Faria couldn't just stand around pitying herself. This wasn't about her right now. She had to make sure Bea was okay. Where did she hear those footsteps trail off to? It had to be close to the other side of the house, maybe somewhere around Faria's bedroom. Faria rushed to the little hallway and found Iris pacing back and forth with clenched fists.

"Iris?"

At Faria's call, Iris jerked her head up, and Faria saw her wide, panicked eyes, beads of sweat slowly slipping between them. She didn't even open her mouth, only pointing in the direction of the open bedroom door. Faria knew Iris was scared, but she also didn't feel right leaving Iris in the hallway all alone, especially when she seemed to be in such an alarmed state. Without a word, Faria firmly grasped Iris's rough hand and pulled her along to the bedroom. It only took a second to see Bea hugging her knees, rocking slightly in the corner.

Faria released Iris's hand, silently trusting her not to flee, and knelt down in front of Bea. Her head was down, but if Faria squinted she could see her icy irises shaking as if trying and failing to focus on anything. Faria began to reach a hand toward her, but she curled up her body tighter. Faria needed to be more considerate. "Is it okay if I touch you, Bea?" she asked, trying to keep her voice at an audible whisper.

Bea lifted her hands to her ears in response. Faria wanted to pull them away so that Bea would be able to hear her. That seemed like a bad idea, so instead she decided that she would try to just comfort her verbally for now, in case she lowered her hands herself. "No one is going to hurt you, okay, Bea?" She had no idea exactly what Bea was afraid of, but it couldn't hurt to tell the truth right now. "You're going to be safe, I promise."

A hand tapped her shoulder, reminding Faria that she and Bea weren't the only ones here. She looked up at Iris, who was holding her phone in one hand. "I told Kiara," she informed Faria quietly. "She says it's a good idea to give her a soft blanket or something. And also, keep talking to her like you're doing."

Faria nodded, hoping it would properly express gratitude, and turned back to Bea, who was still hiding her face. "Kiara loves you a lot, Bea." It was a weird thought to come to her, but it was a good one. Maybe it'd be good to talk about Kiara. "I hope I can meet Kiara, too. I already know how kind and wonderful she is. I can only imagine how much she shows her love for you when you're home with her. She's still home right now. Maybe later, if she's not busy, we can call her together. I've done that with Iris, when she went to visit Veronica and Janet. They all care about you a lot too, Bea. So do I."

She stopped when she saw Bea move again. She lowered her hands and raised her head, still staring at the floor. Faria didn't know how to react to this, so she decided on a whim to just continue speaking. "No one's hurt, no one's going to hurt you. I'm--"

"She's dead, isn't she?"

Faria wasn't even sure where the words came from at first. They sounded so dull and hopeless and nothing like Bea's spirit at all. Faria wanted to answer, but she didn't know how. She didn't know what Bea was talking about. It was too late to come up with anything, anyway. Bea hid her face again and said, "Let me out."

"Out of what?" It felt kind of dangerous to ask, but Faria had to know.

"Let me out of my room. I'll--" She sniffled, and then Faria heard the sob she was keeping down. "I'll be good, I-I won't hurt anyone...did I hurt someone? D-did I hurt you?"

Okay, so Bea was definitely experiencing some kind of delusion. Faria could only think to tell her, "Bea, you didn't do anything wrong. I promise, you didn't do anything." She felt Iris tap her shoulder again. She was standing behind Faria, this time holding a blanket from the living room bunched up in her arms. Faria smiled to say thanks, then took it and held it out to Bea. Bea only looked at it and shook her head. Faria didn't want to have the blanket be taken back, though, so she just put it on the floor between them. She figured if Bea was responsive enough to refuse a blanket, she could at least try to speak with Faria. Then again, it seemed like Bea wasn't sure whether Faria was actually with her, so Faria asked, "Do you want a reality check?"

"Just tell me she's dead. I don't want to pretend."

This would be a little easier if Faria knew more. "Who? Who do you think is dead?"

To her relief, Bea answered. "Nadia."

She didn't know who Nadia was, but that wasn't the most important thing. Faria's next question was, "Why do you think Nadia might be dead?"

"I saw her." Bea's voice was weakening, to the point where she had to swallow shuddery gulps of air between her sentences. "I thought she lived, I thought maybe, maybe she was still alive all this time, but then I found the stepladder again..."

Faria heard a sharp gasp from behind her, and resisted the urge to dig her nails into her skin. There wasn't time to feel bad about what she hadn't done for Bea. Iris seemed to know this, too. She didn't say a thing about the stepladder she'd been standing on.

"I got to the basement somehow," Bea continued, "and her body's still there, I thought after she hung herself--"

Faria had tried to stay calm, but couldn't help tensing up at this. Did Bea watch a girl commit suicide? Did she see her hang herself from a stepladder? Faria didn't dare ask.

"I thought our parents found her and took her to the hospital, because, because I couldn't do it, I was too scared--but all that time I was only imagining everything and she's still there, she's dead, I should've known, I-I don't think people live that much longer after they do it..."

Now Iris lowered herself to sit on her feet next to Faria. They laced their fingers together. Faria felt Iris's fingers trembling as she finally spoke. "I'm sorry."

Bea stopped speaking to glance up at Iris. She took a shuddered inhale, and it seemed like she was about to respond, but she looked away again and kept going. "I told her--I  _thought_ I told her that I'd've done it too if she died, because I couldn't do anything--" Suddenly, she lept toward Faria, nearly knocking her over. Faria didn't know how to handle this, other than holding herself up more steadily. She was still too wary to give her a hug. Bea clung her fingers tightly around Faria's sleeve and buried the side of her head into her chest. Was it wrong that this made Faria feel a little better? Her reason was that she felt more sure of being able to give Bea the comfort she needed.

Faria hugged her arms loosely around Bea, who only whispered, "I'm scared."

Bea trusted her, so it was a good moment for Faria to ask, "What do you need right now?"

"I don't want to go back, but if I don't, then I might hurt someone, or..." Bea squirmed. Faria loosened her arms to try to relax her a bit before she continued. "If Nadia was dead the whole time, then I'm in an asylum, that's what happens when people have delusions, they get sent to an asylum."

Bea had already refused a reality check, but she was obviously more stable now, so Faria asked again. "Do you want a reality check?" At Bea's nod, she said, "Can you tell me about what's going on? Or what's causing this?"

There was a minute of hesitation. Faria didn't mind, as long as Bea wasn't hurting herself in some way. Then she spoke in a low, shaky voice, "I watched my sister hang herself."

She'd more or less said this already, but the mere thought of it still made Faria stiffen.

"I was just going downstairs for something," Bea continued, "and then Nadia was--she was on top of the stepladder, and there was a noose, and I wanted to scream, but I-I couldn't move or anything, and then she hung herself, and--" She paused to take a shuddering breath. "--and then I blacked out, and she was gone when I woke up, I thought she was dead...and I saw the stepladder again today, I saw somebody on it, I thought it was Nadia..."

When Faria glanced over at Iris again, she was covering her face with her hands. This couldn't be easy for her to hear at all. After Bea was grounded, they could console her as well.

"Can I tell you what might really be going on?" Faria suggested.

Bea nodded, this time very eagerly.

"Iris said she could help fix my lightbulb," Faria explained. "But I forgot to answer, so she started on her own. She was using my stepladder, since she's so short. She was in the living room. I know you went into the living room while she was in there, so I think you saw her."

"She had cuts."

"Cuts?"

"Nadia was cutting herself before she tried to...before she did it." Bea pulled away to tug up the pant leg of her overalls and brushed her hand over her skin. "I saw cuts here. She cut her ankles."

"You saw the cuts today?"

Bea sat up and looked at Iris again. Today, Iris was wearing knee-length shorts. The way she was sitting left her legs bent out beside her. One of them, the one she'd injured a few months ago, was bare. The other had crimson slashes at the ankle.

"Iris?" Bea called.

Iris unhid her face, but kept her teary eyes away from Bea.

"Did I see you?"

Iris nodded with a short, nervous sound, like she was forcing down a sob.

"I get it. You look a little like Nadia." Bea turned back to Faria and finally, finally smiled. "She didn't die, I remember now. The last time I saw her, she was taller than when it happened, so she's older." She twirled a finger through a few of her curls. "And, it's like I said...I would have killed myself if she died because of me."

It was unnerving for her to say such a thing while smiling at Faria so sweetly. "It wouldn't have been your fault," she protested.

Bea's gaze fell, and she crossed her arms. "Well, when my mom told me about it, she said that if she didn't come downstairs fast enough, Nadia would've died, and, you know, I just  _watched,_ even though I wanted to save her. I didn't want to mess up again, but I did, because I ran away from the stepladder, and if Iris actually  _was..._ " She trailed off and covered her ears.

Faria didn't know how to solve this. Even if talking about it made Bea feel better, it still brought up horror and tension for Faria to think about a suicide attempt, especially considering Bea's perspective. Faria waited until Bea lowered her hands to suggest, "Do you want to go back to the kitchen?"

Bea smiled again and agreed, but not before holding Faria in a tight hug.

Faria didn't know if this was alright.

Iris had secured the cupcakes in the fridge, which was very considerate of her. Faria was always worried about leaving food out for too long, and Iris knew this. Cupcakes tasted better when they were cold, but it wasn't enough to distract Faria from the tension twisting inside her.

She needed a pillar, so she held Iris's hand. It was warm and slippery with her sweat. Iris glanced from Faria to Bea, then forced a smile. "These are great. You and Faria made them?"

Bea responded with a quick nod and a small smile, a stray red sprinkle peeking through her teeth. She was already more carefree and safe. It wasn't any more than a half hour ago when she was recounting the sight of her sister's suicide attempt in broken, tearful bits.

It was supposed to be a good thing, that Bea was calmer now, but it struck Faria as odd. Almost unnerving.

She didn't speak of it, of course. Iris didn't mention it either, but after they had their cupcakes, Iris was quite eager to leave, promising the other girls she'd return tomorrow.

After the door closed behind Iris, Bea and Faria didn't converse for a little while. Hoping to ease her tension, Faria began doodling in her sketchbook, deciding only to speak if Bea spoke first. She did, sure enough, end up announcing, "I'm gonna go to your bedroom."

Faria looked up at her. She seemed to be acting casual enough, but Faria still worried about certain consequences. She ran a list through her head of anything potentially dangerous that Bea could find in her room. But it was impossible. If Bea was desparate enough, there'd surely be something Faria would overlook. 

Faria hated to follow Bea and discretely listen through the door. It was an invasion of privacy. Her  _guest's_ privacy, no less. She just told herself that Bea's safety was more important.

The first thing Faria heard was a very muffled ringing tone. Then a muffled voice, to which Bea responded. Faria didn't understand her. At first Faria thought it was because she was too quiet, but it soon became apparent she wasn't even speaking English. It sounded like Spanish, but Faria didn't know any, so she didn't know what the phone call was about. That certainly made Faria feel less guilty about the privacy invasion.

Then there was a word Faria caught that made her stiffen with attention. "Nadia." Maybe it just so happened to be a Spanish word, but the way it was spoken made that seem unlikely. Then, after a few more words, Bea giggled, and suddenly spoke English again. "I didn't know that. I needed help too, you know. Last week it took me ten minutes to remember the word  _andén..._ "

Faria decided to tune it out, just to be respectful. She'd brought her sketchbook, so she continued to doodle until certain words caught her attention.

"Love you! Bye, Nadia!"

Faria realized the obvious. Bea needed to hear her sister speak to her.

What would have happened if Nadia hadn't been able to provide that?

* * *

**gay witch:** g-d i'm so so so sorry are you okay??

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** yea i think so.....how did u know it happened???

 **gay witch:** iris messaged me....i didn't expect this to happen

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** it's fine!!!

 **gay witch:** if you want to leave early it's okay

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** IT'S FINE!!!! no one got hurt!!!!

 **gay witch:** sorry

 **gay witch:** i guess i still get. worried about you easily

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** actually um i'm kind of worried too

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** iris left right after i'm scared she doesnt like me anymore

 **gay witch:** well, she probably just feels guilty...try not to dwell too much on it

 **gay witch:** iris doesn't seem like the kind of person to drop someone over a ptsd attack. especially since she's also a trauma survivor.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i don't want the rest of the week to be ruined just because i accidentally looked at a stepladder for too long

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i called nadia today, i was gonna tell her about what happened but she sounded like she was having a good day

 **gay witch:** you could tell through the phone?

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** a lot of people say she doesn't have feelings but i don't understand, she obviously does!! in high school she got bullied for that kind of thing and for her special interest it was awful

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** she NEVER HURT ANYONE!!!! she didn't deserve all of it!!!!!!

 **gay witch:** wait wait what do you mean??

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** they stole her special rock and they laughed at her because she was really upset about it. she cried. she never cries but she cried that day. and our parents didn't even care!!!!! they just told her to stop crying and get to her chores!!!!!!

 **gay witch:** i didn't know your parents were like that...

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i love my parents but i wish they were nicer to her

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** they at least cared about her when they found out she tried to hang herself

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** and they made sure to scold me for not saving her

 **gay witch:** WHAT??

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:**?? didn't i tell you??

 **gay witch:** you told me you felt guilty about it you never said your parents blamed you!!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** well they weren't wrong!! it makes sense doesn't it???? they found one of their daughters killing herself and the other one watching without doing anything

 **gay witch:** you were ELEVEN of COURSE you couldn't do anything!!!

 **gay witch:** i'm not mad at you. i'm mad at the situation

 **gay witch:** i thought your parents were just sort of distant i didn't know they said something so awful to you

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i didn't mean to tell you that stuff

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i think i'm just overdramatic i was really sensitive when i was younger

 **gay witch:** i don't think so....not to be rude but you don't usually get upset this way

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** it's because i'm scared

 **gay witch:** of what?

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i already made you and iris and faria uncomfortable

 **gay witch:** faria says you're crying is she with you?

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:**???? no i'n in faria's room alone

 **gay witch:** oh, i see, she's outside

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** what does that have to do with anything?

 **gay witch:** she's outside the door. i guess she's worried about you.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** oh...i though you meant like outdoors

 **gay witch:** but never mind that what do you mean??? what exactly are you scared of?

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i guess i just wish i wasnt so scared of stepladders

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** it'd be a lot easier for everybody

 **gay witch:** i'm sorry i can't give you a hug right now

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** it's the thought that counts!!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:**  i accept your thlught hug!!

 **gay witch:** oh okay let me ask you something

 **gay witch:** would you feel better if you talked to faria about this stuff or if you had distractions?

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** distractions please

 **gay witch:** got it

 **gay witch:** she's apparently not comfortable asking you directly

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i guess i should get out of her room haha....

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i love you!!!!!!!!!!!

 **gay witch:** <3 <3 <3

* * *

The distractions didn't work.

Well, they did at first. Somewhat. After calling Nadia, Bea wasn't as terribly burdened with that memory as she was with what it would do to her.

Kiara didn't know about any of it until Bea experienced an abrupt flashback one night. It was even worse back then, because unlike Faria, Kiara had had no idea what was going on. It had seemed to be hours before Bea was grounded enough to remember her sister was alive and safe. She was utterly grateful to Kiara for her support, but she just hoped Kiara didn't see her as broken. Someone who was only faking her smiles to hide her trauma. Someone like that wouldn't be a bad person or anything, but it wasn't who Bea was. Her happiness and excitement and everything she'd grown to cherish about herself were genuine.

Kiara knew it. Bea could trust that by now. But she hadn't known Faria and Iris for nearly that long. She had a bad feeling about Faria. She caught the glimmer of pity in her petal-shaped eyes and how soft and cautious her voice had become. Bea wanted to tell her it was okay now, she wanted to forget about the fit she'd had and move on from that, but that would only bring it further to light.

It was so  _frustrating._ There wasn't a single thing she could do.

Neither of them refused to sleep in the same bed tonight. On one hand, Bea was glad that Faria didn't shy away from her that much, but if Bea had a nightmare or something, it'd cycle back into her looking like a tragedy.

She couldn't stop herself from falling asleep despite her fears. She just wasn't good at staying up all night. When she woke up, Faria wasn't in bed.

It wouldn't be so odd if it wasn't only five-thirty.

Maybe she was just in the bathroom, but Bea still felt a tinge of worry. It couldn't hurt to check. She found that the bathroom was empty. The door was open and the lights were off.

She suddenly remembered that the stepladder she saw yesterday had also been in the broom closet, the door beside the bathroom, when she looked. She only remembered because it seemed weird to have a stepladder in a broom closet, although it made sense when she thought about it. This was a very small house, after all.

Or did Faria hide it in there to protect her?

Bea didn't want to think about that, so she turned her attention to the sound she heard murmuring outside the window. The moon was obscured, but the light from inside the house let Bea see a glimpse of Faria's hijab. She was sitting on her feet facing toward the window, her delicate hands resting on her knees. 

Why was she meditating this early in the morning? She'd even gone through the effort to get dressed. If Bea squinted, she saw Faria's lips moving, but the words were too soft to hear.

Maybe it was rude, but Bea was intrigued enough to watch and wait. After a minute or so, Faria lowered herself so her face was on the ground, then stood. Immediately, she flinched. Now Bea could see her staring directly at her.

Faria quickly returned through her wooden front door, then tightly crossed her arms, no longer looking at Bea.

"Why were you meditating this early?" Bea wanted to know.

"I was praying," Faria gently corrected.

"Do you always get up at five in the morning to pray?"

"No."

Bea subconsciously lifted her thumb to her mouth. She wasn't sure of the etiquette for things like this. "Is that, like...allowed?"

Faria's timidity faded away to show her lovely smile of amusement. "I'm not punished if I don't pray five times every single day. I really only pray if I need it."

So Faria had to  _really_ have needed to pray if she was willing to leave the house before sunrise. "Why's that?" Bea asked, leaning back against the door to the broom closet.

"Praying makes me feel safer," Faria explained, then her eyes widened as she quickly amended, "N-not that you make me feel unsafe, I meant, I...I was worried about..." Her voice trailed off, probably because she knew that Bea knew the end of the sentence.

"I'm  _fine,_ " Bea tried to reassure her, though it came out more bitter than she intended. "That whole thing's over now, okay?"

"I know, I know," Faria sighed, looking away again. "I just get nervous very easily. It's not just you, either. I haven't heard from Iris since yesterday."

Right, Iris had left very quickly after the attack had happened. If Kiara was right, then Iris had no reason to fear or avoid Bea, but that seemed unlikely now. How could there be any other reason for her silence?

Reluctantly, Bea made herself remember the cuts on Iris's ankle. The reason they'd made such an impression on her was because they looked just like the cuts that used to be on Nadia's body.

They looked self-inflicted.

"Does Iris cut herself?" It wasn't a tactful way to phrase it, but Bea didn't know how else to ask.

Faria bit her lip and tightly clutched her hijab. If she refused to answer, Bea was probably right.

"Let's visit her later," she suggested, taking a few steps toward Faria in hope that she would look up again. "Or we can invite her over--"

"No," Faria interrupted bluntly. She kept her voice low and her eyes to the floor. "We have to go now." Bea tentatively reached for her hand. Faria accepted this, slowly glancing over and opening her palm to twine their fingers. "I mean,  _I_ do," she amended, softening. "You don't have to come with me."

"Why wouldn't I? I wanna see Iris too."

"I don't want you to see her if she's already self-harmed."

"I can wait outside, and you can let me in if she's okay."

"And what if she's not?"

Bea lifted herself on her toes so that she was closer to Faria's eye level. She wasn't quite there, but it lessened their height difference by a couple of inches, at least. "Don't worry so much about it. I'm not scared. Just worry about whether or not  _you're_ scared."

That was a good enough compromise for Faria. Since it wasn't illegal to walk around the city in pajamas, Bea kept them on when they left to save time.

"Are you going to be alright walking outside in those?" Faria asked.

Bea only replied with, "Let me live, Faria." She didn't mean anything aggressive by it, so she grinned to make sure Faria knew she was only joking.

After all, the only people out and about at this hour were driving, probably to get to work for early shifts. They wouldn't have time to be judgemental of a stranger harmlessly wearing pajamas outside, and Bea didn't have time to be self-conscious about it. The only real inconvenience was that Faria couldn't drive, but she did happen to have enough money to pay to take a bus. The bus driver gave Bea an odd look, probably because she was in pajamas. He just didn't know how to live his life to the fullest.

The sun began to glow through the clouds by the time they reached Iris's apartment building. Faria was about to push a button on the buzzer when she flinched and pulled back. "I should've warned her or something," she realized. "And if she's in trouble, she might not answer the door."

"Let's break in!" Bea immediately decided.

Faria shook her head. "I'll text her. That way--"

She stopped at the sound of the glass doors swinging open. They turned to see someone standing still in the doorway, a paper grocery bag hung from her elbow as her hand raised to her cheek. Her striking rainbow-striped hair made her instantly recognizable.

"What are you guys doing here?" Iris asked softly, her voice cracking a bit.

It would be a little too direct to say that they came out of fear that Iris was cutting herself, but it was too early in the morning to pass it off as just a casual visit. Not knowing any other option, Bea's instinct kicked in and in the next second her arms were tight around Iris's body. It made Iris's grocery bag fall onto the floor, but she still returned the hug with little hesitaion. Bea looked back as far as she could without moving anything but her eyes. From what little she saw of Iris's arms, they were smooth and clear.

"What's this?" The girls pulled apart to see Faria kneeling down beside the fallen grocery bag. A dark blue package peeked out.

Iris scratched the back of her neck. "I sorta decided that, uh...instead of drinking...I was really craving Oreo cookies, so I bought a bunch, which probably won't cure my alcoholism, but...it's something, I guess."

"They're the thick ones," Faria observed.

Iris's face seemed to always be slightly tinted crimson, and that color was only deepening now, but she was clearly trying to be confident about this. She flashed a grin. "I'm an adult. And I can buy double-stuffed Oreos anytime I want. When you realize that, your whole life changes." She bent forward to brush her fingers against Faria's hijab, as if combing through hair. "You should try it sometime. You're twenty-two, you make your own rules."

Bea couldn't stand it any longer. "Can I share your Oreos?" she burst out.

"Yeah, go nuts," Iris answered eagerly. She was still smiling. For someone who was apparently an alcoholic, her teeth were dazzlingly white. "I'll probably regret everything if I eat them all myself. Let's go up to my apartment."

Iris had a nice apartment. Actually, maybe not, since Bea was easily impressed. It was actually kind of a mess. Some blankets were lazily tossed over an armchair with its recliner up, and there was a short stack of sauce-stained dishes in the sink. The grayish-violet curtains on the glass balcony door were halfway parted, providing only a shred of the sunrise from outside before Iris switched on the warm yellow lights on her ceiling. It somehow made the place feel cozy. Maybe Bea just liked the little signs of life.

"I'd turn on the TV," Iris said, trying to open the package of Oreos as stealthily as possible, "but it's six in the morning, I'm not sure my neighbors would appreciate it."

That brought an obvious question to light. Bea hadn't even stopped to consider that Iris had been at the grocery store before dawn, when she wasn't even supposed to be awake. "When did you sleep?" Bea didn't want to assume that Iris hadn't slept at all, especially since that, other than the dark shaded bags under her eyes, she didn't look very tired.

Apparently, Bea was wrong. "I didn't," Iris confessed simply. "I mean, I  _tried,_ but..." She trailed off for a second, averting her eyes and slowly rubbing her shoulder. "It got complicated, I guess." Faria, who'd been standing beside Iris, loosely held her arm, her dark fuzzy eyebrows tightening. She seemed to pick up on something that Bea didn't. Bea wanted to ask for more details, even if it wasn't any of her business, but it didn't seem Iris would know how to express it even if she wanted to. Iris glanced over at Faria, then stiffened up her arms, as if suddenly trying to strengthen herself. She cocked her head when she looked back at Bea. "Did  _you_ sleep? Did you and Faria wake up early and just decide to visit my apartment?"

"Yup!" Bea confirmed, leaning forward and pretending Iris and Faria weren't noticeably taller than her. "We wanted to see you! And Faria loves you too much to wait 'til later!"

In response, Iris pulled Faria by the hand, pulling her a little lower so that she could reach up and quietly kiss her cheek. Faria, as soon as her hand was freed, covered her face and stifled a giggle like a flustered schoolgirl. 

The next ten minutes or so weren't very eventful. They were just sitting on Iris's couch with the only sounds being cars in the distance and the crunching of Oreo cookies. Faria, sticking by her decision not to participate, had her head on Iris's shoulder, and eventually her eyes closed and she snuggled closer to Iris.

Now that Faria was probably asleep, that left the two others in an awkward absence of conversation. Iris was tightly holding Faria with one arm, and after watching her peacefully rest for a little while, her gaze glided over to Bea and she finally began to break the silence with a careful whisper. "Was Faria scared that I was cutting myself?"

Bea had a cookie in her mouth, which gave her an excuse not to answer verbally, but something about her gave it away anyway. Maybe Bea had flinched or glanced around anxiously, and didn't notice in time to prevent it. Iris was merciful enough to accept whatever she just saw as an answer, without forcing Bea to say it out loud. She spoke so that Bea didn't have to. "I considered it, honestly. I kind of have this problem with, uh...beating myself up when I trigger somebody. And I sorta had a really, uh...disturbing nightmare..."

Iris cringed and looked at Faria again, clearly not happy about bringing up yesterday's incident. Bea didn't really care about that. She swallowed her cookie so that she could find out the most important thing. "You didn't, right?"

Iris shook her head before leaning it against Faria's. It only stayed for a moment before Iris pulled away to meet Bea's eyes again. "Are  _you_ okay?"

"I'm fine." Bea was clearly going to have to get used to saying this. She had to work on being convincing. "I was worried I'd have a nightmare, but I didn't. I woke up earlier than I thought I would, but I think that's just 'cause Faria left."

"To where?" Iris's eyes widened, and her left hand tightly grasped Faria's.

"Just outside. She said she was praying."

"Oh," Iris sighed, a relieved smile slipping through. "You made it sound like she ran away or something."

"What, and leave me alone in her house in the outskirts of town?" Bea put aside the nearly empty package of Oreos on the coffee table so she could approach Iris more easily. She smiled--there were probably cookie crumbs in her teeth, but it was fine, they would be in Iris's teeth too--and softly added, "We're fine. We were just worried about  _you._ "

Iris reflected the grin. "Well, I didn't cut myself, and I'm sober, so that's probably a good sign, yeah?"

"But you didn't sleep."

"Eh, I will. I don't have anywhere to go today, so I'll just pass out at noon or something."

Bea pulled her legs underneath her, since without the package of cookies on her lap it was irritating to sit normally. She twirled some curls around her finger and tilted her head. "Can we sleep over? I mean, it's already morning, but..."

"I think that was the plan." Iris turned her eyes back to Faria, who was definitely asleep by now, and smirked. "We haven't even been dating for a year and she's already using me for my mediocre apartment. Can't believe this." She playfully scoffed and hugged her other arm around her, closing her eyes in peace.

It looked like Iris was planning to try to sleep now, so there was no point in Bea staying up much longer. There were only a few Oreos left. When she was positive that she could pull it off, she stealthily shoved the cookies in her mouth before curling up on the couch, letting the others have their space on the opposite end.

* * *

The night after that, Faria found herself burdened with the thoughts of Bea's flashback again. Even though she'd been cheerful all day, even though she repeatedly assured her everything was fine now, she still felt guilty.

It brought a lot of intrusive thoughts. She wanted to burn the stepladder, maybe the whole house if she needed to, or if not she'd find a blade somewhere and cut open her arms as many times as it took to give a scar of everlasting punishment.

Tonight, Faria failed to resist, but as soon as she sat up in bed, Bea rolled onto her back and opened her eyes.

"I can't sleep," she announced, before Faria had time to react. "Can I talk to you about something?"

As quickly as they came, the thoughts left. Hurting herself would be too selfish, especially when Bea needed to confide in her.

Faria lay back down, and they faced each other in bed. It was much easier than Faria thought it would be to listen, to give kind words, to let her cry a little and wipe her eyes. Even if the subject was disturbing for Faria to think too much about. In fact, that was a good thing, wasn't it? Bea trusted her to tell her all this. It certainly helped that she'd said some of it before, particularly about the stepladder's significance, and the words Faria gave her were probably too cliché to have meaning, but she still believed them, and she still believed Bea's smile when she thanked her.

"I'm sorry if I'm not making any sense," Faria said at one point.

"I think you are." Bea was still smiling, despite everything. "I just want to talk about it right now, but if it's too whiny or anything--"

Faria grabbed her hand under the blanket. "This isn't  _whiny._ If it makes you feel more at peace, I think that it's the best thing to do."

Bea inched closer to pull Faria in a hug. They remained that why for a while, neither of them feeling the need to voice their gratitude for all of this.

"You're so brave," Faria murmured.

She felt Bea swallow something, and she heard the tears hidden in her next words. "Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not good at drama, but here i am anyway, trying,  
> (tw for suicide + death mention)  
> this sounds edgy as hell, but i've had this idea for a while.  
> my humanizations were originally made for an ace attorney au fic i started writing when i was about 13. (they still had their pony names in that fic, though.) i didn't end up getting past like, chapter 3, but i had a lot of ideas. one of them was straight up killing off maud by having her hang herself and having pinks discover her body.  
> i guess part of this is coping with the constant fear of my loved ones suddenly dying, but maybe that's just a bad excuse to be angsty. i dunno  
> i don't have the guts to do that stunt now. so i watered it down into a failed attempt. also, nadia isn't 100% maud's humanization. it is mostly maud but it's also marble and limes. the pony ocs aren't 100% just pony versions of the girls, after all. does that make sense?
> 
> by the way, i just noticed how many of these characters have names ending in A
> 
> by the other way, no, i have NOT been keeping a proper timeline of these stories rip


	10. My Little Pony is Officially Gay Culture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica comes out to her friends as non-binary, leading to some other confessions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, shoving all my headcanons into these weird stories: is there anyone on earth more valid than i

**ciderseason:** Hey.

 **Big Buff Butch:** hey veronica, can you be more southern bc everyone needs to know you come from texas

 **ciderseason:** No.

 **ciderseason:** And I'm from Louisiana.

 **Big Buff Butch:** oh my god.

 **ciderseason:** Did you think Texas was the only part of Southern US?

 **Big Buff Butch:** wait does this mean

 **Big Buff Butch:** @I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH @gay witch DO YOU GUYS HAVE SOUTHERN ACCENTS

 **ciderseason:** Haven't you met Bea in person?

 **Big Buff Butch:** ye but maybe she used to have a southern accent

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** nope!! i was born in new jersey!!!!

 **gay witch:** no i don't.

 **Big Buff Butch:** lame

 **gay witch:** do you have, like....a thing for southern accents?

 **Big Buff Butch:** idk thats up in the air

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** wait isnt veronica from canada?

 **ciderseason:** I was born in Louisiana but I live in Canada now.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** oh!!!

 **ciderseason:** Anyway...

 **ciderseason:** I found out something interesting recently.

 **ciderseason:** I just don't know how to...lead into it

 **Big Buff Butch:** then don't

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** yeah just cut to the chase!!!!!!!

 **Big Buff Butch:** we're all friends just come out with the stuff in one go

 **ciderseason:** Alright, here goes.

 **ciderseason:** For a while I've thought maybe I'm not a cisgender woman but at the same time I'm not sure I feel like I would be anything else I think it's because I've been used to being a woman all my life so it's sort of engrained into me or something but I also feel kind of detached from it in a way and it's been very confusing so I tried just ignoring it and calling myself a woman but I've noticed some people online will call themselves non-binary women or non-binary lesbians and I wasn't sure that it made sense but I think I understand now, that sometimes you live as a woman but you don't feel like you're entirely a woman and a part of you is something else I don't think I can really describe it

 **Big Buff Butch:** whoa

 **Big Buff Butch:** okay first things first, mood

 **Big Buff Butch:** i mean i figured i wasn't a dude when i was like 6 but then it got weird in high school and i started feeling like i might not be 100% girl and i was like "wait"

 **gay witch:** that sounds tough...

 **Big Buff Butch:** yeah i thought maybe i was androgynous but that didn't feel right i'm p sure i'm 0% boy but also i thought maybe i was in denial or something???

 **Big Buff Butch:** it worked out tho

 **ciderseason:** So are you non-binary?

 **Big Buff Butch:** yeah but i like.....don't care i call myself a woman anyway bc i feel like whatever the hell my gender is can't be much different than that

 **ciderseason:** That's sort of how I feel, but I think I might use different pronouns

 **gay witch:** which ones?

 **ciderseason:** I think I'll still use she, because I still feel like a she, but I'll also use they, because I also feel like a they

 **ciderseason:** But I don't care if you only call me a she.

 **Big Buff Butch:** she is a weird word isnt it

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** she she she she she she she she she she yeah it is

 **ciderseason:** I'm worried about Janet though

 **ciderseason:** She's a lesbian, I'm not sure she'll be okay with this.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i'm a lesbian too and i don't care!!!!

 **ciderseason:** What I mean is, I think some lesbians don't like dating non-binary women because they don't count as women

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i guess??? but janet doesn't seem like that kind of person

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** if you still call yourself a woman i think that means you're still a woman right???

 **gay witch:** it would be different if you came out as a man, i think

 **gay witch:** i'm bi so it's a little hard for me to differentiate but from what i understand, if janet was attracted to you as a woman and she still sees you as a woman, it shouldn't be a problem

 **ciderseason:** That's the thing, I don't know if she will. And I don't want to pressure her.

 **gay witch:** well you're still a lesbian, aren't you?

 **gay witch:** i think, logically, two lesbians that are the same age always have the ability to be attracted to each other

 **gay witch:** janet wouldn't break up with you over this.

 **Rarity is my muse:** she's right.

 **Big Buff Butch:** oh snap

 **Big Buff Butch:** janet we were definitely Not talking about u behind ur back how are u doing

 **Rarity is my muse:** i've been lurking for ten minutes.

 **Big Buff Butch:** well it was worth a shot

 **Rarity is my muse:** Veronica, i still see you as a woman. as long as you're okay with that there's nothing wrong with this

 **ciderseason:** I am.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:**  this is like a wedding!!!!!!!!!

 **Big Buff Butch:** it's not.

 **Big Buff Butch:** you guys might wanna move to dm

 **Big Buff Butch:** i mean i dont mind you talking to each other but it might be awkward for you

 **Rarity is my muse:** it's fine.

 **flutter:** um, janet,,

 **flutter:** if veronica decided they were actually a boy would you still see them as a woman?

 **Rarity is my muse:** of course not! i didn't mean it that way!

 **Rarity is my muse:** i'm trans. i wouldn't call someone a woman if he said he was a man, or vice versa

 **flutter:** okay. sorry. i worry about those things

 **Rarity is my muse:** it's alright!

 **flutter:** um, speaking of lesbians,,

 **Big Buff Butch:** that is hands down the best way to start a sentence

 **flutter:** i'm not sure if i'm a lesbian

 **flutter:** i definitely like women but,,, that's all i really know

 **flutter:** when i like anyone who isn't a woman it's not the same but i don't know if it's fake or just different

 **Rarity is my muse:** i struggled with that for quite a while

 **Rarity is my muse:** for me the answer was "it's fake" but i couldn't answer for you

 **gay witch:** yeah and for me the answer is "it's different" attraction is weird like that

 **Big Buff Butch:** are you.....allowed to talk about that stuff when you're dating someone

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** of course she is!!!!!!! i'm not an overly jealous middle aged wife from the 1940s!!!! besides i already told kiara that i think you're hot!!!!!

 **gay witch:** yeah you are pretty hot

 **Rarity is my muse:** i can't say i disagree

 **ciderseason:** Ditto

 **flutter:** oh,,,, sorry i didn't know everyone wanted to date her

 **Big Buff Butch:** having four women calling me hot doesn't mean i need to date them

 **Big Buff Butch:** but as a lesbian, Nice

 **gay witch:** anyway faria i think it's fine to not know exactly how you feel about that stuff yet! there's no time limit to learning about yourself!

 **flutter:** maybe but i still dont know what i would call myself

 **flutter:** "sapphic" is fine but that only works as an adjective doesn't it? and "i'm a sapphic person" feels like a mouthful...

 **gay witch:** hey "bi" only really works as an adjective too but i've never struggled with that

 **gay witch:** if you want to mention your orientation you can just say "i'm sapphic"

 **flutter:** oh, of course

 **flutter:** sorry that was silly of me ;;

 **Big Buff Butch:** nahh you're good!!

 **gay witch:** you can also just say you're gay. as you can see, i do that

 **gay witch:** "gay" has sort of come to mean "experiences SGA" rather than "exclusively experiences SGA"

 **Big Buff Butch:** faria........more like...........i cant think of a gay pun sorry

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** well what's her middle name??

 **flutter:** i dont have one

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** whoa!!!!!

 **Big Buff Butch:** i got it

 **Big Buff Butch:** faria? more like........faria way with her wife

 **gay witch:** that makes no sense. go home.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** YOU'RE MARRIED???

 **Big Buff Butch:** no but we can always pretend to be, that's probably legal

 **gay witch:** i mean not on official documents and stuff but sure

 **ciderseason:** Wait this is probably a dumb question, but should I still mark my gender as female on documents?

 **gay witch:** usually you don't really have a choice

 **ciderseason:** Sometimes there's an "other" option. I don't know which one I'd fill in.

 **Big Buff Butch:** both. fight the system

 **Big Buff Butch:** i just fill in female bc i'd rather ppl see me as a woman than an ambiguous nb identity

 **ciderseason:** I guess I'll figure it out

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i don't think it's a dumb question!!!!! i was kind of wondering about how that worked!!!!!!!!!

 **ciderseason:** I don't think I'm going to call myself trans

 **ciderseason:** It's not farfetched to not want to label myself that way, right?

 **Big Buff Butch:** it's fine v

 **Big Buff Butch:** ur still goin by veronica?

 **ciderseason:** Yep

 **gay witch:** my little brother is nonbinary and he doesn't call himself trans or cis either

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** he is??

 **gay witch:** yes he told me a little while ago, he's sort of genderfluid but still sort of a boy at all times

 **gay witch:** gender identity is weird huh??

 **gay witch:** he tried telling me more about how he felt but even he got confused shdsfbbs

 **Rarity is my muse:** has he only come out recently?

 **gay witch:** to me, yes, i'm not sure about my mother and stepfather

 **gay witch:** it's not really something i can call them up and ask about

 **flutter:** you shouldnt, my brother outed me to my parents before i was ready

 **Big Buff Butch:** yeah faria's brother kinda sorta sucks

 **flutter:** i wouldnt say that, he's just not very tactful,,,, i'm lucky my parents are openminded enough

 **gay witch:** my parents are, too, but it's safe to let damian handle it himself

 **flutter:** that's right

 **Big Buff Butch:** all this talk about gay stuff and gender stuff makes me wanna go to pride with you guys

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** let's have a parade!!!!!!

 **Rarity is my muse:** i don't think we could manage that

 **Big Buff Butch:** i mean maybe one day we can all go to like california or whatever and go to a pride parade

 **gay witch:** i hope we could...but i can't imagine we could do it in the near future

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** better late than never!!!!!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** old ladies can be gay too!!!!!!!

 **gay witch:** i don't think it would take THAT long

 **gay witch:** it only took us 2 years to be able to meet in person

 **Big Buff Butch:** oh yeah by the way you know how we kind of made our own little families for our pony ocs

 **Big Buff Butch:** we should give fluttershy a gross brother so that we can get back at zakou for being a dick

 **Big Buff Butch:** he can be aggressively straight

 **flutter:** he's not that bad!

 **flutter:** i haven't made fluttershy's family yet i'm going to wait for some more story to happen

 **Big Buff Butch:** suit yourself

 **Rarity is my muse:** actually, my sister made Sweetie Belle, so maybe eventually she could roleplay with us. it'd be nice for Vicky to have someone she knows in the group. Carrie is thirteen now, after all.

 **gay witch:** my brother made his own my little pony OC except it's literally just spike with a different color palette

 **gay witch:** he didn't even change his name

 **flutter:** so shining armor doesnt have anything to do with your brother?

 **gay witch:** he's loosely based off of my older brother, who actually has the same father as me, but he's thirty-two years old i doubt he actually wants much to do with MLP

 **Big Buff Butch:**??? so ur parents just waited twelve years to have another baby???

 **gay witch:** it just took a long time to conceive, i think.

 **Big Buff Butch:** how old is your little brother???? eight?????

 **gay witch:** ten. my mother had him with my stepfather, though, if that makes things more plausible.

 **Big Buff Butch:** finally, i've unlocked kiara's backstory

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i unlocked it first!!!! AND i kissed her!!!!

 **Big Buff Butch:** hmph........you win this round

 **gay witch:** oh right about new roleplayers....we've gotten some submissions did you see?

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** no omg!!!!

 **Big Buff Butch:** i havent been looking sorry

 **flutter:** me neither ;;;

 **Rarity is my muse:** i saw them. Bon Bon and Lyra Heartstrings.

 **Rarity is my muse:** i talked with them, they said they are very busy with high school and jobs so they may not roleplay as often as we do

 **gay witch:** that's fine by me i'm just glad it's gaining some traction

 **gay witch:** i was worried it never would!!

 **Big Buff Butch:** are they gonna be in this discord server bc it's probs gonna be awkward for them

 **gay witch:** they are a lesbian couple, if that helps

 **Big Buff Butch:** sweet i love lesbians

 **Big Buff Butch:** maybe my little pony is the real gay culture

 **gay witch:** maybe

 **flutter:** it is uncanny how this has attracted so many wlw,,

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i know!!!!! i wish i had this many gay friends in high school!!!!!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** but have a gf now and i live with her all the time so anything can happen!!!!!!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** we met when we were teenagers!!!!! she made a my little pony forum all by herself!!!!!! she's always been really good at programming!!!!!!!

 **Big Buff Butch:** im glad ur discord name describes u accurately

 **Big Buff Butch:** and before anyone says anything yes i'm 5'2 but "big buff butch" alliterates

 **gay witch:** i forgot how small you were adbafdsd

 **Big Buff Butch:** now if you'll excuse me i'm going to go to faria's

 **Big Buff Butch:** we're going to have lesbian dinner sunday

 **flutter:** that's not something we do every week she just says "lesbian dinner (current day of the week)" every time we have dinner together

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** good idea!!!!!!! let's all have lesbian dinner sunday!!!!!!!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** but maybe it should be gay dinner sunday so that it's more inclusive

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** plus then we can call it sungay dinner

 **gay witch:** sounds good to me

 **Rarity is my muse:** isn't Sungay a mountain in the Philippines?

 **gay witch:** how do you know that...?

 **Rarity is my muse:** i had a geography phase a few years ago and i've still retained some of the information

 **ciderseason:** That's a new one.

 **Rarity is my muse:** but i suppose this is an obscure enough piece of information for Sungay Dinner to be an acceptable occasion

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** we'll hold a pride parade on the sungay mountain!!!! on a sunday!!!!!! then it can be gay sungay sunday!!!!!!!!

 **Rarity is my muse:** i don't think that opportunity would come up

 **Rarity is my muse:** but i would take it just to visit the Philippines

 **Rarity is my muse:** i've always wanted to visit the Southern hemisphere just to experience the sudden season change...

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** kiara just told me to stop using my phone with helping her cook, which is probably a good idea!!!!! see ya!!!!!! have a good sungay dinner!!!!!

 **ciderseason:** Well, we can't just up and cross the border to have one dinner together, as nice as it sounds.

 **Rarity is my muse:** we could always have video calls. i'll still miss pushing food into your mouth, but you have a very comforting voice, at least.

 **ciderseason:** Should we wait until I stop blushing?

 **ciderseason:** Forget it, that'd take too long. My family's already fed, so I can eat in my room and call you.

 **ciderseason:** You can look away from the camera when I show my uncouth manners.

 **Rarity is my muse:** i'm not THAT stiff about manners! and i love you enough to look past it anyway!

 **ciderseason:** Aw shucks

 **Big Buff Butch:** can't believe you just typed out "aw shucks"

 **Rarity is my muse:** oh dear, i forgot for a second we weren't private messaging

 **Big Buff Butch:** yeah get a room

 

 


	11. Mother's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mother's Day is one of the toughest times of the year. Veronica and Bea seek some comfort from their friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: mentions/discussions of parent death + kind of child abuse

When Veronica was eight years old, her mother died giving birth to Megan.

When she'd first heard the news she didn't have any reaction. Like she'd just heard a badly crafted lie. It didn't really hit her that her mother was dead until they went to her wake.

The wake was open casket.

"I know this is hard," her father had told her gently. "You don't have to look at her."

But she did.

In third grade, when Mother's Day came, she couldn't go to school for a week.

It had gotten a little easier over the years, but not much. In May, Veronica would be reminded of the sight of her mother's corpse, and it made her think too much all over again.

"S-she wasn't even forty." Veronica's words came in a low shudder. "She said she...she wanted to see Megan grow. She didn't get to..."

"Shh, shh." Janet was with her now, letting herself be held tightly, reaching slender hands to stroke her hair and rub her back.

"It ain't fair...why'd God have to take her, outta everyone?" Veronica tightened a hand onto the fabric of Janet's shirt.

Veronica had asked this before. Janet had answered that she'd been taught that death acted as a gateway to living in an afterlife. "If that's the case," she'd elaborated, "Allah--or God, rather, would have decided she was ready for her blessing. That's what I can understand, at least."

Repeating that now wouldn't help anything. Janet could only hold tighter.

"I miss her, Janet."

"I know."

"Wish you coulda met her."

"I know."

Veronica didn't want to bother Janet once she'd fallen asleep, so instead of venting to her she turned to her tablet, the one Janet had gifted her on their anniversary.

She felt like she was always taking advantage of her girlfriend like that, like this. Janet didn't have a real father. Her biological father abandoned her family when she was very young, and she wasn't incredibly close to her stepfather. Veronica couldn't act like she didn't go through this sort of thing too.

* * *

 **ciderseason:** Are you up?

 **gay witch:** yes

 **gay witch:** do you need something from me?

 **ciderseason:** I don't know, I guess I just need a distraction or something.

 **gay witch:** oh...may i ask why?

 **ciderseason:** This time of year just makes me think a little too much about my mother.

 **gay witch:** i see...

 **gay witch:** that's how father's day is for me...i love my stepfather but he can never replace the man that raised me

 **gay witch:** he died when i was seven. it was...very difficult.

 **gay witch:** oh, sorry, i didn't mean to go on about that...

 **ciderseason:** Don't be sorry. I'm glad you trust me.

 **ciderseason:** It makes me feel real pathetic. It's been thirteen years now. I wish I would've gotten over it.

 **gay witch:** i don't think you can ever completely, permanently get over something like that. this just means you're human.

 **gay witch:** i think everyone's different at the same time, though.

 **gay witch:** i gave twilight sparkle a living father to sort of...project my wishes of what could have been, if that makes sense

 **gay witch:** but i read your fanfiction and it seems you project your reality instead.

 **gay witch:** i hope it's helpful for you.

 **ciderseason:** It is. I know I'm not the best writer, but it really helps me deal with emotional stuff.

 **ciderseason:** I would focus a roleplay prompt around it, but I think it'd be too dark. 

 **gay witch:** as long as it doesn't have gore or any other kind of excessive detail i think it's safe.

 **gay witch:** but i'm not sure i'd be able to participate...it's a tough subject for me

 **ciderseason:** I feel ya. Don't worry, I won't plan on it for a while.

 **ciderseason:** I sort of wanted advice, but you deal with things differently than I do, I suppose...

 **gay witch:** i think so. i find most of my comfort comes from my girlfriend and my religion. 

 **gay witch:** i try not to be too specific with bea, though, since she hasn't had the best home life...but she knows my father's dead and she knows how to make things more bearable

 **gay witch:** it seems to make her really happy to provide that. i'm sure janet feels the same.

 **ciderseason:** But she goes through something like this too, in June. I don't wanna neglect her.

 **gay witch:** i don't think you could. venting to her isn't neglecting her. all you really need to do is make sure she's okay, and if not, help take steps to fix it.

 **gay witch:** but people like janet absolutely love helping others. it means much more than you realize that you trust her enough to confide in her and find comfort in her. as long as you can do the same for her, it can all only strengthen your bond. it could never weaken it.

 **ciderseason:**...I really appreciate that. Thank you.

 **ciderseason:** But I don't think I could completely stop being nervous about it...

 **gay witch:** i understand. anxiety is stubborn.

 **gay witch:** make sure to at least try to sleep. it does wonders. especially when you're next to a cute girl.

 **ciderseason:** Will do :)

 **gay witch:** i should, too, haha...good night!

 **ciderseason:** Good night.

* * *

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** hi

 **Rarity is my muse:** good morning

 **Rarity is my muse:** is everything okay?

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:**.....no

 **Rarity is my muse:** is it something you'd like to talk about

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** yeah...but if you're busy or something it's okay

 **Rarity is my muse:** does it have something to do with Mother's Day?

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** how did you know???

 **Rarity is my muse:** Veronica has that trouble too, so i suppose i can just sense it

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** oh no!!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i'm sorry!!!!

 **Rarity is my muse:** don't worry so much just talk to me

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:**...okay......

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i love my mom but. im scared of her and i really really really really really really don't want to see her this weekend

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** but i feel too guilty because she's my mom and people are supposed to visit their moms on mother's day and people are supposed to love their moms or else they're bad children

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** and if i dont go my parents are going to be really upset because they actually do care about me and i dont want to hurt their feelings

 **Rarity is my muse:** if they cared about you that much, they wouldn't try to manipulate you that way.

 **Rarity is my muse:** they ought to learn somehow that you can make your own choices.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** well, my big sister still lives there, and they're nicer to her and like her more but i still dont wanna leave her alone

 **Rarity is my muse:** why would they favor one child over the other...?

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** they say im an immature, annoying burden

 **Rarity is my muse:** they're liars.

 **Rarity is my muse:** you've brought joy to all of us over the past year. even if i'm lurking and being quiet, it's wonderful to watch you talk with our friends. seeing you always reminds me to find happiness in little things and my life is better because of that.

 **Rarity is my muse:** even when roleplaying, i've noticed how our characters are so different but we still both manage to make the interactions work perfectly. and i tend to see you reflected a little in Pinkie Pie. the most important thing she strives for is the happiness of everyone around her. and i know that's how you feel, too.

 **Rarity is my muse:** but your happiness is just as important. you are worth every second of attention and love that you are given.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:**...

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** you'll make me cry janet!!!!!

 **Rarity is my muse:** sorry...but i promise i'm telling the truth

 **Rarity is my muse:** there's nothing that can force you to go. if it's comforting, i suggest contacting your sister often to keep her company.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i will!!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i wish i knew how to thank you

 **Rarity is my muse:** my words mean nothing if they don't affect you. are you feeling better than before?

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** lots!!!!

 **Rarity is my muse:** that's enough gratitude for me, then.

 **Rarity is my muse:** in any case, i think it would be safer to stay home with Kiara this year. but you know yourself better than i do. so it's ultimately your choice.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i know

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** <3<3<3<3<3

* * *

Mother's Day was just another day for the four of them. Iris and Faria were busy, so Veronica, Janet, Kiara and Bea set up a video call on a website that let them watch movies together.

It was the least stressful Mother's Day in a long, long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pretend the heart emotes are heart emojis bc i don't think i can get those guys to work on ao3
> 
> also sorry???? i don't know how to make things proper anymore this is a mess happy pride


	12. Beach Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The friends go to the beach together to strengthen their bonds further, and their interactions show Kiara's younger brother how meaningful their friendships are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ummm so i think this is kind of really long oops...at least i'm not being edgy this time
> 
> also there is a brief mention of alcoholism so um.....heads up i guess, idk if it's even notable though

**Big Buff Butch:** it's summer! i got my hat on backwards and it's time to fuckin party

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** yay!!!!!!!!!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i have next week off!! 

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** come to florida and we can all go to the beach together!!!!!

 **Big Buff Butch:** idk if ur being serious but if i could get a plane ticket in time i'd totally be down for it

 **gay witch:** we're staying at a motel by the beach next week

 **gay witch:** if you wanted to join us it'd be great, but i'm not sure we'd all fit in the same room

 **gay witch:** plus i'm taking my little brother

 **Big Buff Butch:** wait really??? like can we actually do a beach trip together???

 **flutter:** i wouldnt want to ruin the mood for you two,,,,

 **gay witch:** if we cared about "the mood" we wouldn't be bringing a ten year old boy with us

 **gay witch:** angelica, candice, and victoria aren't in this server, so it'd be just us six and damian, i think

 **Big Buff Butch:** whomst are angelica and candice

 **flutter:** lyra and bon bon

 **Big Buff Butch:** OH yeah aren't they in high school anyway

 **gay witch:** well, they've probably started summer vacation by now. but they also said they're busy with part-time jobs.

 **gay witch:** actually, i think victoria could probably come? since she knows some of you

 **Rarity is my muse:** my sister says that Vicky's parents wouldn't want her on vacation without them

 **Big Buff Butch:** yeah her parents are super lame

 **gay witch:** that's too bad...it'd be fun for damian to have some other kids around

 **Rarity is my muse:** i suppose Carrie and Megan could come but then Vicky would be left out...

 **Big Buff Butch:** yea

 **ciderseason:** My brother and granny keep telling me to take time off so I guess going to the beach for a week would be good enough...

 **Big Buff Butch:** time off from what??? child labor???

 **ciderseason:** I'm 21.

 **ciderseason:** I work a lot around the house and I've had a full time job at a diner for about a year now. I have enough vacation days.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** that's not fair!!!!! you've never had time off before??????

 **ciderseason:** It's my choice.

 **gay witch:** the bakery bea works at is a pretty small one so i imagine they're much more relaxed than your job.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i guess so!!

 **flutter:** so, um,,, are we doing a big beach trip together or was that a joke

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** no!!! a joke would be "why did the cake go to the doctor? because it was feeling crumby"

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** come to the beach with us!!!!!!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** oh wait....is there a way to cover your body when swimming?

 **flutter:** yes, i have a burkini

 **flutter:** also i don't wear my hijab as often indoors anymore,,,,,

 **Big Buff Butch:** yeah get ready for the shock of ur lives: faria's hair doesnt match her mlp oc

 **Big Buff Butch:** we're gonna have to forcibly dye ur hair as part of our equestria roleplay initiation

 **Rarity is my muse:** why have you been wearing your hijab indoors? i was never told to do that

 **flutter:** paranoia,,,

 **Rarity is my muse:** oh, i see

 **Rarity is my muse:** you're not agoraphobic too, are you?

 **flutter:** no, why?

 **Rarity is my muse:** i just worry that paranoia would be hindering on a beach

 **flutter:** oh, dont worry about that, i've been to enough beaches to be used to it

 **flutter:** and i like how the water feels,,

 **Big Buff Butch:** \+ if i get water on my buff arms and flex it'll look super hot

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** ur already hot!!!!

 **gay witch:** i'm not sure we can afford to rent more than one motel room at once...could you rent your own rooms?

 **gay witch:** it can be with your girlfriends, of course

 **Rarity is my muse:** i'll be able to do that.

 **Big Buff Butch:** same

 **ciderseason:** We're doing this next week?

 **gay witch:** bea and i are getting there this sunday morning, but you can come earlier if it's more convenient. or a little later. it'd just be no fun if we weren't all able to see each other.

 **flutter:** we should start preparing right away then!

 **Rarity is my muse:** that's right...where, exactly, are we going to meet?

* * *

Kiara and Bea were both a little tired from taking a bus all the way to the motel, but it was still afternoon, so they didn't want to risk being asleep if their friends happened to arrive. Damian, on the other hand, was extremely excited to play in the sand, so he ran off to the shore while the girls cuddled on the freshly made bed.

"I thought a motel on a beach would just be really sandy and filthy," Kiara admitted as she stroked her fingers through Bea's curls. "I guess they do a really good job cleaning here."

"Let's give them a million dollar tip," Bea suggested casually. Obviously, they didn't have a million dollars to tip with, so she added, "We can save up all the money we earn until we can tip them."

"Yeah, that can be our legacy. Saving a million dollars just to mysteriously gift the cleaning staff at a beach motel."

Bea gave her a quick kiss on the lips. "Mm-hm!"

A knock on the door intruded. Since Bea had more energy and was on top of Kiara anyway, she bounded off toward the sound and pulled the door open. Kiara followed once Bea greeted the guests with an excited squeal. She turned and pointed enthusiastically. "It's Iris and Faria!"

The door opened further to allow the girls to fully see each other, which prompted Iris to widen her eyes and remark, "Jesus, your hair is  _long._ "

Kiara rubbed her arms bashfully. "Yeah, I, uh, get that a lot.

Faria cleared her throat quietly. "It's nice to see you," she greeted them. "You look very nice."

Bea responded by throwing her chubby arms around her.

"Do you know if Janet and Veronica are here?" Kiara asked.

Faria's face lit up, nonchalantly wrapping her arms around Bea to return the hug. "Oh, we did see them!"

"We saw each other at the airport," Iris added. "We had to separate 'cause we had different places to be at different times, y'know? But they should be here real soon."

Bea pulled away from Faria to suggest, "Let's go meet them! You know what room they're staying in?"

Kiara locked the door behind them when they started following Faria and Iris down the row of rooms, but soon enough they unexpectantly ended up face-to-face with Janet and Veronica.

"Hello!" Bea shouted, quickly flapping her hands. "Is this convenient or what?"

Janet lifted a slender hand to her mouth and chuckled. "It certainly is. It's nice to meet you in person."

Veronica placed her hand on her hip. "I dunno how to do formalities, but I wanna get in the ocean lickety-split, so..."

"Me too!" Bea tugged on Kiara's arm. "Let's go change!"

Kiara agreed with a timid smile. She'd normally want to spend more time greeting her beloved Internet friends, but now that meeting them was a reality, she was a little overwhelmed. Once they were on the beach, everything would feel easier, so they promptly parted ways to prepare for their beach day.

* * *

Kiara had only swam for about fifteen minutes before she started to lie facedown in the sand.

She knew she looked weird. She was usually self conscious about that sort of thing, but this was worth it. The sand was so soft and warm from drinking in the sunlight, and the way it fell against her body was complete sensory bliss.

"Kiara?" She lifted her head to see the red eyes of a short woman staring down at her. "You good?"

"I'm stimming," Kiara replied.

"Ah, okay." Iris lowered to her knees beside her. "Was that your plan? Coming here just to lie in the sand?"

"I still go swimming," Kiara chuckled. "I just, um...the sand feels really nice."

"It does," Iris agreed simply.

The silence that followed allowed Kiara to take further observation of the girl. She was very short, nearly as short as Bea. She was very fit as well, with a toned stomach and arms. It showed through the wet swimsuit--really, just a black muscle shirt and swim shorts--clinging to her tawny brown skin. Her wet hair fell in its rainbow around her rounded face staring down at Kiara.

Her eyes widened. "Oh, hey, you want me to bury you?"

"Yes!" Kiara was so excited she nearly clapped her hands together, but she was able to avoid it so that she wouldn't throw sand in Iris's face. "No one's ever done that for me!"

Iris raised an eyebrow. "Not even your girlfriend?"

"She's tried. But she can never put the sand on right." Without moving her arms from their comfy position, Kiara pointed a finger at Iris. "And look, you clearly have strong enough arms to carry a bunch of sand at once."

Iris flexed triumphantly before beginning to gather a mound of sand in her buff arms. As she did, Kiara heard little footsteps scurrying across the sand toward her. She tilted her head to see Damian, still wearing green floaties on his arms. He always insisted on wearing them to the beach, even though he could definitely swim.

"What're you doing?" Damian asked, promptly sitting cross-legged beside her.

Iris answered first. "I'm burying her alive. You wanna help?"

"Uh..." He fidgeted with his hands and stared at Kiara. "Are you gonna be okay with that?"

"She's  _kidding,_ " Kiara assured him. "She's going to leave my head out to breathe. I just like being a sand mummy."

Kiara would actually bury Damian in the sand sometimes on beach trips. Damian referred to the experience as being a sand mummy. Kiara thought it was a little annoying at first, because mummification didn't really work that way, but she'd loosened up by now. Damian beamed because of this. "Yeah, I'll help! It's like a Kiara sandcastle!"

Luckily for all of them, Kiara had braided her hair and tied it in a bun earlier, so that mess was already out of the way. First they buried her feet, then her legs. Once they were about half done with her back, Kiara suggested, "Do you wanna take pictures?"

Iris tilted her head as she continued to pile on sand. "When we're done?"

"Yes," Kiara affirmed. "I never really got to do fun things like this when I was younger, so now I like to take pictures whenever I can to make up for it."

"What, you didn't go to the beach?"

"I did. I mean, I didn't really have a lot of friends. Even when I made Equestria Roleplay, I only really had Bea." She didn't mean for it to sound deep or personal or anything, but it seemed to affect Iris that way nonetheless.

"Me too!" Iris gasped. "I mean, I had friends, but by the time I was twenty-one I pretty much just had Faria." She paused and calmed her voice to add, "What about Damian, though?"

"I wasn't old enough to be her friend yet, I guess," Damian explained.

Kiara ignored that. "Brothers are different, I think. Especially little ones. He's only ten."

"Ten and  _three quarters,_ " Damian corrected with a brief flame of indignance.

Kiara giggled, careful not to snort the sand into her nose. "I'm sorry. He's ten and three quarters."

"So I'm practically eleven," Damian decided. "Because, think about it. If a movie comes out in September this year, and then you talk about it in two years, but in June, you'll still say it's two years old even if it hasn't been two years yet. Why can't people be that way?"

"Oh, okay." Kiara smirked. "That means you're ready to start sixth grade now."

"No it  _doesn_ _'t_!" he protested.

"You know," Iris chimed in, slapping another mound of sand on Kiara's back, "I didn't start sixth grade 'til I was already twelve. 'Cause I got held back a year. If you wanna postpone the next school year, just get really bad grades and you'll buy yourself more time."

Kiara glanced up at Iris just to narrow her eyes in disapproval.

"I'm  _kidding_!" Iris rolled her eyes. "Getting held back sucks. Don't do it."

"I wasn't gonna," Damian assured her. "I don't wanna do sixth grade twice."

They continued for another minute or so before Kiara realized they'd distracted themselves from her question. "So do you want to take pictures when we're done or not?"

"Oh, right." Iris grinned. "Yeah, definitely. But for now--" She raised another clod of sand. "--it's  _slappy time_!"

* * *

Standing perfectly still like this in a burkini was a little awkward. Faria wasn't sure why Janet had insisted on applying sunscreen. The only skin exposed was her face, hands and feet. The latter two would end up in the water anyway.

"Better safe than sorry," Janet insisted as she mercilessly smeared sunscreen all over Faria's cheeks. "Isn't this swimsuit awfully warm for this weather?"

"It'll...be colder...when it's wet," Faria tried to explain, knowing Janet probably wouldn't take a break from rubbing her cheeks back and forth.

"Ah, I see." Sooner than Faria expected, Janet freed her cheeks and dabbed on her nose. "Personally, I'd rather let my skin breathe a little. That's why I haven't worn a headscarf or anything since I was much younger."

Faria took advantage of the breathing room once Janet lowered to pointlessly rub sunscreen on her feet. "Is that the only reason?" she questioned, more loudly.

"It was a complicated decision," Janet admitted. "I never saw my family conceal their skin that way, but I felt I'd be betraying my religion if I didn't wear it. I knew better by the time I was in junior high school. We still have our holidays, after all."

"Do you still abstain from alcohol and such?" Faria wondered.

"I only turned twenty-one this year," Janet pointed out. "I haven't had much of a choice anyway. I suppose I'm not entirely devoted, anyway, so maybe I'll try some wine sometime."

Even when she was wearing a simple black one-piece swimsuit, Janet had a very elegant air about her. She was a little stocky, a little chubby, and the smallest bit curvy. Her skin was very dark brown, darker than the acorn-shaped plants Faria saw around her cottage--they were called Western coneflowers, she was pretty sure. Her hair was very regal, in glossy royal violet ringlets. A glass of red wine certainly suited her image. Faria never tried to encourage that sort of thing, though. It was usually hard to see alcohol as a good experience when she abstained from it and her girlfriend was a recovering alcoholic.

Faria's attention was then drawn to the little boy in purple swim trunks approaching them. It was Damian. "Is that your swimsuit?" he asked in complete wonder. "Why's there so much of it?"

"I like having my skin covered," Faria replied. "They make special swimsuits for people like me. This is a burkini."

"It's different from a bikini," Janet clarified.

"That's cool!" Damian smiled. "Why do you cover your skin?"

Janet glared down at him. "You shouldn't ask people those kinds of--"

"It's okay!" Faria interrupted. "I don't mind. People wouldn't normally know if they're not Muslim."

"Oh, it's for religion?" Damian fidgeted with his fingers against his arm floaties. "That makes sense."

Faria nodded. "Traditionally, in public, I have to cover myself. And I'm too protective of that to let strangers see. But I'm less nervous about it now."

"I can see your hands," Damian warned her.

"Hands are okay." Faria clasped them together, as if it would prove a point somehow.

Unfortunately, she was now unintentionally reminding Janet to squeeze more sunscreen into her hands and lunge to scrub it all over Faria's, to the latter's annoyance. "Do you have sunscreen on, Damian?" Janet casually asked.

"Yeah," Damian responded. "Kiara always makes me put sunscreen on." After a pause he questioned, "But why does Faria need sunscreen if her skin's covered?"

Faria nodded in agreement and glanced at Janet pointedly, comforted with the knowledge that this ten-year-old boy was on her side.

"Just in case," Janet shrugged. Soon, she released Faria from the sunscreen lathering and clapped her hands together. "Did you need something, Damian?"

"Kiara said that I should talk to more of her friends after me and Iris buried her."

This prompted Faria and Janet to stare with wide eyes, awaiting a more reasonable and less frightening explanation.

"Like a sand mummy," Damian clarified, and pointed back the way he came. "Look, she's talking to Iris."

Sure enough, Kiara's arms and head were poked out of her sand mound, and Iris was sitting by her with her legs crossed.

"Oh, that's a relief," Faria breathed.

"You said that as if you'd killed her," Janet added, and the three of them laughed quietly for a moment.

"Can I go swimming with you guys?" Damian held out his arms. "I have floaties, so I can go as deep as I want and I'll never drown."

Faria exchanged a slightly concerned glance with Janet, but it probably wasn't worth shutting down. They wouldn't be swimming across the entire Gulf of Mexico, so they could let Damian believe in his arm floatie superpowers for a little longer.

"Of course you can!" Janet's fear quickly faded into a welcoming smile. "You seem to be a very pleasant boy to be around." Then she gasped in horror, probably suddenly remembering that Damian was genderfluid. "I can call you a boy, right?"

"Yeah! I'm a boy right now, so it's okay." In the next second, he was running toward the shore and beckoning for the women to follow.

* * *

Veronica and Bea were already in the ocean. Kiara had been swimming with them earlier, but now she'd been lying in the sand for nearly an hour.

"Kiara really likes the sand," Bea explained. She had to stand on her toes this far into the ocean, but it was easier than standing on her toes on land, so it was okay. "Sometimes I try to bury her but I don't know how to do it right. I'm glad Iris does."

Veronica, on the contrary, was very tall, and large in general, so she could easily stand with flat feet. "It ain't that hard," she commented. "But you gotta be able to hold a lot of sand at once."

Bea narrowed her eyes. "Are you saying my arms aren't strong enough?"

Veronica scrunched her eyebrows. "Well, uh, not exact--"

She was interrupted by Bea leaping up out of the water to viciously attack her. Fortunately, Bea's idea of a vicious attack was to give a very tight surprise hug, so it wasn't all that bad. "Could weak arms do  _this_?" she demanded, trying to sound angry but still giggling at the same time.

Of course, Veronica returned the hug. Her arms were stronger, but she didn't want to intimidate Bea, so she didn't put all her strength into the hug. Just enough to keep Bea from slipping back into the water before she was ready to release her.

Even with Veronica's caution, Bea ended up falling backward anyway, but she regained her balance quickly enough to avoid going under. She clearly wasn't bothered by this clumsiness at all. "I'm really happy everyone could come!" Bea held her arms around herself and bounced a little on her toes. "I've only ever gone to the beach with Kiara and Damian, so this is really neato!"

" _Ever_?" Veronica repeated. "Not even when you were a kid?"

"No, my family never had time for that." Bea twirled her dampened hair as she spoke. "My sister would take me to the lake sometimes, but that's really it."

"I never really did this sorta thing either," Veronica admitted. "Maybe when I was  _really_ little, but we were too busy after we moved. And there's no beaches 'round where I live, anyway." She paused to sigh. "Really wish Megan coulda come. She's never been to the beach at all."

"Why not?"

"It's, uh...complicated."

That could have ended up being awkward, but the crisis was averted when they noticed a familiar boy paddling toward them.

"It's Damian!" Bea clapped and pulled him into a hug. Luckily for him, she freed him after a few seconds. "I like your floaties!"

"Thanks," he replied.

Veronica grinned down at him. "Are ya havin' fun, kiddo?"

"Yeah!" Damian returned the smile. "You guys are really cool to be around. But I know some kids at school who would make fun of me for hanging out with my twenty-one-year-old sister's friends."

"Then beat them up!" Bea suggested enthusiastically.

Veronica didn't pay that much mind. "I wouldn't worry 'bout it. But you shouldn't be hanging around kids like that."

"No, I hate their guts," Damian assured her. "I don't really have any friends, anyway."

"The kids at his school are jerks," Bea added.

Veronica nodded solemnly. "I get it. I was bullied a lot 'fore my granny got someone to homeschool me."

"Oh, no!" Bea gasped. "Why would anyone want to be mean to  _you_?"

"Maybe the kids at  _her_  school were jerks," Damian pointed out.

"Yeah, you got it," Veronica chuckled. "Comes with being a fat Chitimacha lesbian, I guess."

Damian tilted his head and rubbed his neck. "What's...Cheetah-matcha?"

"Indigenous tribe," Veronica answered. "I was actually born pretty close to the reservation, but I didn't know much more than that 'til I was about seven."

Bea flapped her hands a little before clasping them. "Whoa, I'm indigenous too!"

Damian turned to her. "You are?"

"Yeah, but to Mexico. And I wasn't born there." Bea shrugged. "So maybe it doesn't count."

"Do you know Spanish?"

"Yeah, but it's different than what they teach in high school. I know 'cause when I was in high school they would try to talk to me in Spanish and I could barely understand them."

Suddenly, Veronica gripped Bea's arm and pointed with her other hand toward an incoming wave. "Don't get yourself knocked over," she warned.

Bea yanked her arm out of the grasp. "Of course I'll get myself knocked over! That's the best part of waves!"

That was all she had time to say before the wave briefly submerged them (except Veronica, who was very tall). Damian had floaties, but Bea was completely pushed below the surface. Veronica stared down at her shape for a few slightly anxious seconds, but Bea jumped back up again and spit saltwater back into the ocean. She turned back to the other two swimmers and told them a little sheepishly, "I've always wanted to do that. It tasted awful, though!"

"You can wash it out with ice cream later," Veronica reminded her. 

"Ice cream?" Damian repeated hopefully.

"Yup!" Bea confirmed, with obvious excitement showing through her smile. "We're gonna go get ice cream after we leave!" She turned to Veronica. "When  _are_ we leaving?"

Veronica crossed her arms. "I dunno. You and Kiara were the ones who invited us."

"She never gave me a time or anything." Bea twirled her hands around under the water. "Oh, well! We'll probably just leave when we feel like it!"

* * *

Damian's ice cream was strawberry flavored, with rainbow sprinkles. He sat at the picnic table across from Kiara, who was patiently taking small bites of her vanilla ice cream as she gazed at the setting sun. After a few silent moments, she turned her eyes back to him and asked with a gentle smile, "Did you have fun?"

He swallowed his bite of ice cream and nodded excitedly. "Your friends are cool! And they don't treat me like a baby or anything. I thought they would."

"I'm glad!" Kiara's smile widened into a grin before taking another small bite of ice cream.

After a pause, Damian continued. "And I think the way you guys talk to each other and stuff is really cool."

Kiara raised her eyebrows. "Hm?"

"You just met them online, right? They don't even live in Florida. But you still talk like you're best friends."

"We are."

"Yeah, it's so cool!" Damian beamed. "I didn't know you could do that with people that live so far away! And they're all friends with each other, too! Like Bea is good enough friends with Veronica to talk to her like you talk to Iris. And Faria told me about why she wears a, um..." He pondered for a second. "A burkini, that's what it's called!"

"Guess they're already growing on you, too," Kiara chuckled. "Maybe next time you visit, you can help me make roleplaying posts. And we can use that drawing of Spike you made as a character."

Damian had no idea what a roleplaying post would be, but he was enthusiastic enough to nod in agreement anyway. "Yeah! And for the rest of the week I can talk to your friends more!"

The reminder that he had a whole week to watch Kiara's incredible friendships grow, share them with her, and learn more about their My Little Pony world was absolutely thrilling. That was _so much_ time. He could hardly imagine just how amazing this experience was going to become.

"Thank you for letting me come!" he exclaimed gleefully. "It's so fun to be with you guys!"

"Thank  _you_ for letting me share it." Kiara smiled again. "I hope you can end up appreciating them like I do."

Damian already did appreciate them a lot, and he'd only known them for a day. Kiara had to have enough love for her friends to fill the very ocean they would swim in together for the rest of the week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, i bite my ice cream. i'm not stopping. it's all i've ever known


	13. Lucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls think over how grateful they are for the bonds they've forged in the past year.

**ciderseason:** Are you up?

 **ciderseason:**...guess not.

 **ciderseason:** I guess it doesn't matter. You'll see these whatever time you wake up.

 **ciderseason:** It's gonna sound real sappy, though.

 **ciderseason:** That's to be expected, huh? Our anniversary's this week.

 **ciderseason:** I was just thinking...it's really lucky for me to have met you.

 **ciderseason:** I mean, anyone else would think it's impossible. We met because we happened to join the same obscure roleplay group. And then your family just so happens to live in the same city as I do.

 **ciderseason:** And my sister just so happens to be best pals with yours.

 **ciderseason:** And when I picked her up one day you just so happened to be the one who answered the door.

 **ciderseason:** And if that wasn't enough, we happened to fall in love with each other. And not only that, you helped me so much with so many things from the day we met in person.

 **ciderseason:** I wonder if that's what a soulmate would be. It's uncanny how all those coincidences happened.

 **ciderseason:** Sort of reminds me of the Feeling Pinkie Keen roleplay we did. Well, I don't think you were a part of that one, but you know about it, don't you?

 **ciderseason:** I wonder if Kiara ever figured it was odd. Since everyone seems so similar to their characters and all. But she seemed real supportive from the beginning.

 **ciderseason:**...I ought to get to sleep soon. I have to go to work tomorrow afternoon.

 **ciderseason:** I guess I just wanted to tell you how lucky I feel to be your girlfriend.

* * *

Iris usually didn't talk on the phone. From what she could tell, Victoria didn't, either, but she was the one who called, and it would be rather dismissive of Iris to decline it.

The unfamiliarity of this alarmed Iris a little. Before waiting for a greeting, she immediately asked, "Is everything okay, Victoria?"

"Uh...yeah, I-I just..." Victoria was stuttering. That was another unusual occurrence.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, sorry, um...my parents aren't home right now, so, um..."

"Aren't they usually out?"

"They have the week off from work. B-but they're at some store right now, so I can talk on the phone."

"What do you need from me?"

This question seemed to increase the level of stuttering. "W-well, um, it's...um...r-really awkward, s-so I didn't...I mean, um..."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Iris was picking up signs of debilitating anxiety. She was used to it, both from Faria and herself. Since Victoria was fourteen, it was much more obvious from her. The fact that her parents were so judgmental yet neglectful certainly contributed to that. Iris just hoped Victoria knew she wasn't going to act like her mother.

"Um...I...w-wanted to say...thanks." Victoria's voice was shaking terribly now. "'Cause, um...I-I'm an only child and...m-my friends have really nice s-sisters and, um...I was jealous, and, um..."

Iris didn't know how to respond quite yet, but she sort of saw where it was going. It was hard to imagine some teenager looking up to her like family.  _I guess everyone has their fans,_ she thought as she listened.

"I a-always wanted..." Victoria paused to take a deep breath. "I always wanted someone like that, and also, um...I ended up following your Tumblr because...just because I liked what you posted, and then, um...you showed up at Carol's house, remember?"

"Yeah, of course," Iris answered, also remembering to properly react to this sudden rambling. "I think, uh...I think it's nuts. How I accidentally met one of my Tumblr followers, who's friends with my friends' sisters. Crazy, right?"

Victoria laughed softly, like she was sighing with relief at the same time. "Yeah...God, this is sappy but...um...I'm really...happy...to know you like this...y'know?"

"It  _is_ sappy," Iris immediately agreed, trying not to sound as flustered as she was. "But, uh, it's nice to hear. It's cool that we can be friends." It was odd, admittedly, to befriend such a young girl. Much different from her other friendships within Equestria Roleplay. "I just don't want you worrying too much about me. You've got enough to deal with." She didn't want to forcefully bring up the issues with Victoria's parents, but it was probably obvious enough what she meant anyway.

"I know!" Victoria insisted. "I can mind my own business. I just, um...sorta...look up to you a lot. I've been trying to do the same exercises and stuff."

"Can you do them? With your disability?"

"Yeah, I can still exercise my arms. And I can exercise my legs a little if I don't push it too hard."

"Well, uh, I'm glad it helps."

"Yeah--" Victoria stopped suddenly, then lowered her voice. "Sorry, my parents came home. They wouldn't want me talking to adults on the phone."

"I get it. Thanks for calling me."

"N-no problem."

Victoria hung up the phone after that. It sort of hurt Iris a little inside. She wished that she could do more to make Victoria feel safe in her own home.

But Iris hadn't been on her own for most of her life. Her parents weren't nearly as bad as Victoria's, but Iris had still been self-conscious and nervous about her interests and her struggles with her identity. She liked being left alone, and her parents were a little nosy. She was eighteen when she moved out. Four years ago. In another four years, Victoria would have a lot more freedom, too.

 _Maybe I should remind her of that,_ Iris considered.  _It's really nice to help kids feel better about their lives. I didn't really think that I could be that person. Really shows how life gets so much better as it goes on._

* * *

Faria's hair was thick and black, and she wore it in a bun. Not many people knew this. Even her friends didn't see her hair until their first night on their beach vacation. Faria was a pretty paranoid person, so she'd been reluctant to take her hijab off even when home alone until recently.

She was very grateful that she came to feel safe enough to do that. It was very uncomfortable to keep her head covered all the time, especially when it was hot and stuffy. There were still moments in which she'd feel as if strangers were peering through the windows, but they'd gotten much scarcer, and it was manageable enough to let her hair out.

It was definitely thanks to her medication, but Faria felt that pushing herself to not only make more friends, but also going as far as to meet up and socialize with them in real life, could have been a factor. It was just a thought. Maybe she was wrong. But Faria didn't believe that her friendships hadn't helped her grow as a person. Was there a way to thank them without being awkward? She often did so with Iris already, through kisses and affectionate murmurs and sleeping side by side, but it was much different with friends whom she could only speak to through the Internet.

She wouldn't even know how to word it.

Then a thought, an idea, startled Faria so much she ended up gasping aloud. It was silly. But she didn't mind so much anymore whether or not her thoughts and interests were silly. She could write about Fluttershy being thankful for her friends. Even if she couldn't figure out how to make it work as a roleplay prompt, she still knew how to write stories. She was an English major, after all. It would be just subtle enough to not make anyone feel awkward, but not too subtle for her friends to see the message of gratitude.

Faria grinned, then sang softly to herself--she was home alone, so she didn't care whether she sounded bad--as she strolled to her kitchen. A nice cup of tea would help inspire her to write.

* * *

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** HEY!!!!!!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** EVERYONE IS WONDERFUL AND I AM SO HAPPY TO BE FRIENDS WITH ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** GOOD NIGHT!!!!!

 **Big Buff Butch:** what brought that on

 **Rarity is my muse:** you don't need a reason to announce your appreciation, do you?

 **Big Buff Butch:** tru

 **ciderseason:** Is it just me, or has there been a sort of sentimental vibe lately?

 **flutter:** it's been just over a year since most of us met each other,,,

 **flutter:** that might be it

 **Rarity is my muse:** it's astounding how much can happen in a year. i fell in love, greatly improved my sewing and fashion design, and i feel that i've been much happier.

 **Rarity is my muse:** of course, that last part could just be Veronica's doing...

 **ciderseason:** Aw, really?

 **ciderseason:** You've always been a real strong and talented woman. Give yourself some more credit.

 **Rarity is my muse:** that's sweet~

 **Rarity is my muse:** it's thanks to Kiara too, when you think about it. she's the one who kickstarted everything.

 **ciderseason:** Kiara really does a lot.

 **Big Buff Butch:** YEAH she coded the blog and she made this whole discord server and she takes part in every rp she can it's incredible

 **Big Buff Butch:** and she's in college now too isnt she????

 **flutter:** i think she's taking classes there, yes

 **Big Buff Butch:** wack

 **Big Buff Butch:** but like, a good wack

 **Rarity is my muse:** i think we should do something special for her. but i'm not sure what it could be.

 **Big Buff Butch:**  we'll do a zine called "kiara ROCKS"

 **Big Buff Butch:**  except i cant draw

 **flutter:** i like your art style ;;;

 **Big Buff Butch:** i've been told it's ""unique"" and """"eccentric""""

 **ciderseason:** Well...if we wanna surprise her we shouldn't do it in a public server that she's in.

 **Big Buff Butch:** OH DUH

 **Big Buff Butch:**  delete your messages everyone i'll start a group dm

* * *

 

 **Big Buff Butch:** nyeh heh heh kiara will never find us here ****

**Rarity is my muse:** well, Bea is in this group. Kiara might see the messages on her phone...

 **flutter:** bea doesnt seem like she would accidentally spoil something,,, ****

**flutter:** when she visited me in pennsylvania i happened to be in the middle of watching one of her favorite animes but she was very good about not spoiling it

 **Big Buff Butch:** which anime ****

**flutter:** urahara

 **flutter:** no one seems to talk about it,,, i'm surprised she likes it so much

 **Rarity is my muse:** should we do a special roleplay for Kiara?

 **ciderseason:** Maybe. Something to celebrate having this going for a whole year.

 **Big Buff Butch:** i think maybe we should wait til all 5 of us are online

 **Rarity is my muse:** that seems doable, considering we all live in the same time zone.

 **flutter:** i think maybe,,, i'll try to draw something for her as well

 **Rarity is my muse:** oh i should too! if you don't mind me stealing your idea?

 **flutter:** it's fine!

 **Big Buff Butch:** hhhhhh i could TRY to draw but its gonna be super tacky next to your art

 **ciderseason:** I think we should all pitch in. I think Kiara would like to see the differences.

 **Big Buff Butch:** man we are having SO many ideas

 **flutter:** i hope it would express gratitude well enough,,, i've never been very good at that sort of thing ;;

 **Rarity is my muse:** we're all here to help each other.

 **ciderseason:** Yeah, don't fret. We'll work together.

 **Rarity is my muse:** with all our efforts, we'll know exactly how to give Kiara the happiness she deserves.

 **Rarity is my muse:** i really am glad we're doing this.

 **Big Buff Butch:** yeah i love friendship projects idc how dumb it sounds

 **ciderseason:** I think this'll turn out great.

 **flutter:** me too,, good people will always need a reminder of all the happiness they've given

 **Rarity is my muse:** i couldn't agree more!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** hey!!!! sorry im late to the secret mission!!!!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** this is right up my alley you know!!!!! it's right in my discord name!!!!!!!!!!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** let's do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been a whole year since i published the first eqrp story!!!!! wowie!!!! and i STILL dont know how to end chapters!!!!!!  
> my senior year of high school is coming up so i hope i can still write more gay horsegirl stories in the next year...thank you very much for reading these!!!!! it makes me really happy to see people enjoying what i've written!!!!


	14. Dream Discussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiara starts thinking a lot about dreams, and it develops into inspiration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: brief discussions of/references to murder

**Big Buff Butch:** also it was snowing and dark outside even though it was 10 am on a september morning

 **Big Buff Butch:**  and everyone just accepted it...which i guess is how dreams usually go

 **Big Buff Butch:**  and i got in the car with my parents, who i don't live with anymore, and there was a very important task that i forgot to complete

 **Big Buff Butch:**  i woke up before i remembered what the task was though

 **Big Buff Butch:**  so i'm just sitting here like. is there something i need to do.

 **Big Buff Butch:**  i'll probably forget about it in like 5 hours but rn i feel like that was a bad omen

 **gay witch:**...why are you telling me this?

 **gay** **witch:** it's not like i would know your to-do list.

 **Big Buff Butch:** sorry i had these dms open when i unlocked my phone and i didnt wanna forget my whole dream

 **gay witch:** ohhhh did you fall asleep while messaging me?

 **Big Buff Butch:** yeah sorry

 **Big Buff Butch:** i was wondering why you just ignored it when i sent "dd#mrgg,c,,"

 **gay witch:** i just figured it was an accident. it wouldn't be necessary to ask what "dd#mrgg,cc,," meant

 **Big Buff Butch:** tru

 **gay witch:** anyway i don't think having a dream like that means anything. weird dreams just happen sometimes.

 **gay witch:** when i was 9 i had a dream where my grandfather took my sister to the basement and killed her and tried to erase her from existence.

 **gay witch:** i don't even have a sister.

 **gay witch:** but i was 9, so i was still a little disturbed.

 **Big Buff Butch:** you remember the dreams you had 12 years ago?

 **gay witch:** well, i only remember that one because it was almost traumatic and i thought about it for weeks.

 **gay witch:** point is, it was just an unsettling dream, my grandfather never killed anyone, and my mother only ever had 1 daughter and that's me

 **Big Buff Butch:** that's what they want u to think

 **Big Buff Butch:** i'm kidding

 **gay witch:** i know

 **Big Buff Butch:** sorry i've been nervous about being...facetious? is that the word? i get nervous that ppl will take me seriously when i don't want them to

 **gay witch:** you don't need to be sorry i understand

 **Big Buff Butch:** also why are u up at 3 am. don't you have college classes or smth

 **gay witch:** that's why i'm up early!

 **Big Buff Butch:** yikes go back to bed

 **Big Buff Butch:** you're not gonna learn anything if you only get 4 hours of sleep

 **gay witch:** good point but um

 **gay witch:** don't you have somewhere to be later too?

 **Big Buff Butch:** i go to work at 5 pm i have like a ton of hours to sleep

 **Big Buff Butch:** starting now. i can't keep you from sleeping if i'm passed out with one sock off. peace

 **gay witch:** good night to you too

 **gay witch:** wait

 **gay witch:** you sleep in your socks?

 **gay witch:** how does that not kill you inside? it's so uncomfortable

 **gay witch:**...sorry i'll go back to bed now.

* * *

It was only a few nights later, while Kiara was actually getting a responsible amount of sleep, when something tightly gripped her arm and pulled her into wakefulness. This only startled her for a second before she remembered that she slept beside her girlfriend every night. Sure enough, it was Bea tightly holding to her with her eyes wide open. She released Kiara as soon as she'd caught her attention, keeping her hands close to her chest and her eyes averted.

"I didn't mean to wake you up," she murmured. "I just wanted to make sure..."

Her lip seemed to be trembling, but it was difficult to really tell in the dark. Kiara wasn't quite alert enough to deduce what was going on right away, so she just asked the safest question, as cautiously as possible. "Is everything alright?"

Bea glanced back at her for a quick second, then slowly reached her hand over to Kiara's. "It was only a bad dream." Her voice was shaking a little, but she smiled through it. "I needed to make sure you were...okay."

Kiara could see where this was going. She'd had nightmares like that, too, and she'd confided in Bea some of those nights when she was forced into petrifying, violent visions of Bea getting hurt or killed. The worst ones, by far, were when it was at Kiara's hand. Logically, Kiara knew she'd never hurt Bea like that, but that didn't cease her fears at all.

"Do you need to talk?" Kiara whispered.

Instead of answering, Bea simply pulled Kiara closer and wrapped her soft arms around her. Kiara had no objections to this. If letting herself be embraced by her adorable tiny chubby girlfriend with fluffy hair would help Bea get through whatever fear she had, then...well, it wasn't like she'd want Bea to be upset more often, although it was always reassuring when Kiara was trustworthy enough for her to be honest about it. Point is, Kiara really liked being hugged by her girlfriend like this. She just hoped she was conveying enough of her love for her.

They held each other for a few quiet moments before Bea spoke again. "Do you ever feel guilty about your dreams?"

Kiara nodded. "I've talked to you about that sort of thing, haven't I?"

"Yeah, but...you never told me about you doing anything wrong."

"Really?" Kiara had never meant to hide anything, but now that she thought about it, she never told Bea anything like "I watched myself kill you" or "I was forced to murder you." Maybe she really was guilty, for hiding that part of her subconscious. Was it really her subconscious, something that would take over and tarnish everything? Or was it just intrusive thoughts that brought imagery?

Bea glided her hand over to Kiara's head, and ran her fingers through the thick hair. "I don't want to tell you what happened. 'Cause it was really gross. But I hurt you. And when I woke up, I didn't know if the dream was over or anything...I was scared you'd turn around and have no face, or something. That stuff happens sometimes, in horror movies. It felt like a horror movie."

It really was like a horror movie, wasn't it? Kiara remembered a horror movie she'd seen a long time ago in which, at one point the killer had a nightmare predicting whom he'd try to kill, and he was terrified that he could end up doing something like that. Then he did it.

Kiara didn't like that movie very much, but she still thought about it at times like this.

"This isn't a movie, though." Kiara pulled away, just so she would be able to look in Bea's eyes. "I don't think dreams like that are premonitions of anything. They're just intrusive." She smiled, trying to make the atmosphere a little lighter. "I had a dream once where I suddenly was a horse. I didn't even transform or anything. I was a human one second and a horse the next. I'd be a little concerned if that happened in real life, but in the dream I didn't give it a second thought. I guess dreams are just made up of wild cards, picking out pieces of your memory and trying to make a story. And sometimes they accidentally pick a combination that's really horrifying."

Bea smiled back at her, which was always a blessing. "That makes sense." It faded too quickly. "But it's not like you get scared about turning into a horse. You get scared about turning evil. It might not happen like it's a movie, but it could."

Kiara closed in for another second to kiss her on the nose. "I don't think you would be evil."

In that movie she'd seen a long time ago, the killer had a history of being aggressive and even abusive. Bea wasn't like that. In the five years that they'd known each other, Bea had never been anything but kind and loving to her. Kiara trusted her from the beginning.

"What if I hurt you?"

"You won't. You wouldn't have loved me like this for this long if you could hurt me."

Bea tightly clung back to her, and Kiara welcomed her warmth.

"I'm, um...what time is it?"

"Don't know. Probably past midnight."

Bea shifted her head so that she was able to kiss Kiara's neck. She smiled a little after that. "I'm still tired."

Kiara grinned back down at her. "Then sleep."

"It's kinda scary." Bea closed her eyes. "That's silly, huh? Nothing actually happened, but I'm scared of it anyway."

Kiara kissed the top of her head. "I'll still be here when you wake up. I promise."

* * *

 **gay witch:** do you remember when we decided on the rulers of equestria?

 **Rarity is my muse:** of course! i love the princesses

 **Rarity is my muse:** i know i'm the one who designed them, but...i think they're very beautiful

 **flutter:** i think so too

 **flutter:** but,,, i feel like we don't do enough with princess luna

 **Rarity is my muse:** so do i...i've noticed that i have a fondness for themes of nighttime

 **gay witch:** i was thinking that maybe princess luna should have the power to enter dreams and communicate with the dreamers...does that make sense?

 **gay witch:** like if someone has a nightmare then luna would enter it and try to find the root of the issue

 **Rarity is my muse:** yes, that does make sense.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** HEY!!!!!!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** didnt you say that dreams don't really have a deep meaning or something??????

 **gay witch:** no

 **gay witch:** i said that intrusive nightmares don't mean you're secretly a bad person

 **gay witch:** at least, that's what i wanted to say. i was tired.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** that's okay!! i was tired too!!!!!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i think dream powers are a really neato idea!!!!!!!

 **flutter:** yes it would make for very interesting roleplays

 **flutter:**  although, it might be bordering too close to a horror story,,,

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** these are ponies!!!!! their nightmares probably aren't bloody or demonic or anything!!!!!!

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** like ooooh a spooky um

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** apple tree came to life and ate all the houses!!!!!!

 **Rarity is my muse:** to be fair, sometimes i will have dreams that seem terrifying, but i'll wake up and realize it's ridiculous

 **Rarity is my muse:** once i had a "nightmare" that my younger sister found my secret hoard of cats

 **Rarity is my muse:** which i don't have.

 **Rarity is my muse:** i live alone anyway.

 **Rarity is my muse:** although, Veronica has been visiting quite often...i suppose she's gotten enough funds to take that many trips

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** oooo are you gonna move in together???

 **Rarity is my muse:** i don't think that's a possibility right now. she has a family to help provide for.

 **Rarity is my muse:** maybe in the distant future, when Megan is old enough to be mostly self-reliant.

 **flutter:** that's a good plan.

 **Big Buff Butch:** yo sorry i'm late to the worldbuilding shenanigans

 **Big Buff Butch:** you know who'd be great for a victim of nightmares?

 **gay witch:** uh

 **Big Buff Butch:** children

 **gay witch:** Uh

 **Big Buff Butch:** okay hear me out

 **Big Buff Butch:** the cutie mark crusaders have like a whole theme going about wanting to grow up and find out how their life's supposed to go

 **gay witch:** oh i see!!

 **Big Buff Butch:** and at night they think "wait a second...the future is scary..."

 **gay witch:** i'm glad you took this direction.

 **Big Buff Butch:** adshsfbdhg??? what did you think i was gonna say?????

 **Rarity is my muse:** it wouldn't have to always be about cutie marks, right?

 **Rarity is my muse:** there are a lot of frightening things about adulthood.

 **Big Buff Butch:** yeah totally.....i could ask victoria for a Kid Opinion but it's a little invasive to ask a 14 y/o "hey kiddo. what are your biggest fears"

 **gay witch:** well, we have a lot of prompts queued up already. we have time to figure everything out.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** and so do kids!!!!!!! that could be a good moral!!!!!!!

 **Big Buff Butch:** once you turn 18 your time is up

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** i didnt mean it like that!!!!!!!!

 **Big Buff Butch:** i know dw

 **gay witch:** well i just wanted to...share my idea. i can't think of when we could use it in the immediate future, but i guess it's good to have around 

 **flutter:** it is. i think it's a great idea.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** yeah you can do so much with dreams!!!!!!!!! they can be about any fear in the universe!!!!!!!!!

 **gay witch:** i think it'd also be easier to find someone willing to play the part of princess luna instead of taking turns like we usually do for those kinds of characters

 **flutter:** finding other my little pony fans is a bit hard,,,, at least from my experience

 **gay witch:** bea's good at it. she scouted you, janet and veronica out, after all.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** that counts as scouting??

 **gay witch:** i think so

 **Big Buff Butch:** i mean we could also just advertise on tumblr

 **gay witch:** i feel like roleplays are an odd thing to advertise for tbh

 **Rarity is my muse:** i have quite a lot of followers. i think if i posted an advertisement, it would get sufficient attention.

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** alright!!!!! we'll be a team of mlp roleplay salesgirls!!!!!!!!

 **gay witch:** we're not really selling anything...

 **I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND SO MUCH:** for the low low price of TIME AND EFFORT you, too, can be a horse!

 **Big Buff Butch:** that's our new blog description i decided

 **gay witch:** hsfhsfhfhd stop

 **Big Buff Butch:** i'm serious im copying and pasting that into the eqrp blog description

 **gay witch:** iris no

 **flutter:** you can change it back, can't you?

 **gay witch:** not until i get home

 **flutter:** where have you been this entire time?

 **gay witch:** the grocery store

 **gay witch:** for groceries

 **gay witch:** i still haven't found the cilantro

 **flutter:** well,,,, um,,, good luck finding it!

 **gay witch:** thank you

 **gay witch:** if i stopped standing around staring at discord messages in the middle of the frozen foods aisle that would help huh?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did you know that i wrote this as an excuse to write a hurt/comfort nightmare scene? have a good day


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